Feeling protective of my DC

[OrangeChips1]

I have friends who don't have kids by choice as they don't like them. We been friends since we were in reception.
I didn't realise how vehemently they dislike kids till DC turned 3/4 and actually wanted to interact. If we go out it's me and DC here and everyone else over there.
Fine...I stopped bringing DC to stuff (and wouldn't have done in the first place if they'd been clear they want adults only).
But even if they come over they act like he's a nuisance.

This got me quite cross, they're in his house. And I don't understand why a grown up can't speak to an addition to the group - adult or child - nicely and include them...just for 20 mins or so, I wouldn't expect the dynamic to shift the whole time. To me it's really unwelcoming, like if they brought a new partner along and I refused to speak to them and tutted and eyerolled whenever they spoke.

I'm shocked they can be so mean to someone just because they're younger...They just seem totally unaware that a child is a human with emotions too. AIBU to phase them out?

YANBU, I expect my friends to be polite to my child too and have a bit of interaction.

I have a friend who HATES children but since my DD was born she sends her gorgeous jumpers for Christmas and birthday, it's their special thing and DD bloody loves them, and when she comes to visit she is lovely to her. I make sure we have kid free time together when we can but when DD was a baby and I BF her she totally understood that wasn't possible and she'd muck in.

Even as someone who likes kids, some of my friends kids are utterly annoying but I'm always nice to them.

They sound dreadful OP and not your friends. No idea why you have tolerated them for so long especially with their behaviour in your home! My friend’s mum sometimes stay with her and is there occasionally when I visit. She is difficult but I still make small talk and show an interest in her for 10 minutes or so because it’s just polite to do so.

I’m as childfree as they come and don’t enjoy the company of children but I still wouldn’t be rude to another person and a family in their own home. It’s just basic manners to say hello and interact for a short while.

I think your friends are being unreasonable.

Well yes they can talk to their Mother of course but it is irritating when they are constantly interrupting what is supposed to be an adult gathering hence why I said that I’d decline.

And yes adults can be annoying too but I can generally have a reasonably intelligent conversation with them and they don’t tend to fire their drink or toy across the room, throw themselves down on the ground and kick and scream or smear half chewed biscuits over my clothing.

It’s generally not their fault because it’s a developmental stage but that doesn’t stop me from finding them annoying and I don’t care to spend more time with children than is necessary.

But for OP and her son’s sake I’d cut down considerably on the number of occasions they meet because her friends aren’t being fair or realistic to OP.

And you’re on Mumsnet? 🙄 Also, massive generalisation there about everyone thinking their kids are the best thing since sliced bread.

Anyone that could be rude to a child is an arsehole in my opinion.

Not this again. There are literally hundreds of boards which don’t directly relate to children. It’s a great resource for women whether or not they have or want children.

YANBU. I don't find other people's children annoying at all. The UK is a weird country that doesn't like children. It's not the kind of attitude people have in Italy.

All children are annoying are they?

At what age do they magically become acceptable to you?

Yes that is plain rude OP - I wouldn't see them as friends

I have plenty of friends who were never wanting to have kids, who really felt uncomfortable around them yet still behaved like normal people - talked to them and actually found their opinions about childen changed all the time ( not that they wokd want any themselves but they could start to see them as mini humans )

Hmm...so his behaviour probably is a bit annoying.

As a child I remember having to go with mum to see her friends, and it was quite boring, but I had to read a book or otherwise entertain myself.

Sounds like your child is getting bored and is used to lots of your attention, so both he and your friend want attention from you.

I'd leave your son with his dad if you like this friend and just have adult time.

I've never met you but just from reading your posts on here i can say you are more annoying than most kids i know.... Just saying, end of.

YANBU. Yes, it's shocking but unfortunately it's common. They reenact what was done to them when they themselves were children. Pity them. I would personally stop inviting them to your home: relationships evolve, you can find other ways to keep the relationship that feels right to you.

Exactly. Many people need to be reminded that children are, you know, people. Not blank screens for them to project their own sh*t.

They don't like children, they've been very clear about that and you continue to force interactions with your child then get annoyed at them. Stop taking your child to meet them, stop inviting them to your house.

If you can't then stop being friends. It's not that hard.

A normal friend sees your child as an extension of you. I cut people off who’ve ever shown any disrespect for any of my children.

@OrangeChips1 yanbu. Its basic manner to say hello and ask another human being how they are. Whatever their age. Other people's children are not annoying. Im a mum but i enjoy talking to other people's children. I even talk to dogs, even though im a cat person 😹 Your friends lack emapthy and tact.

They're being incredibly rude, both directly to your child and by inviting him then being rude.

I have a friend who doesn't like spending time with children. We organise child free meet ups, but she doesn't demand meet ups every weekend or every couple of weeks as she knows that's a ridiculous demand of someone with children that you don't want to see.

When you say no to meeting up and they say "just bring him" then just reiterate your no. They don't mean it, your DC don't enjoy it, and it's stressful for you. Just say no and stick to adult only meet ups, but they'll have to realise that you can't do that every weekend

Child free people aren't all the same. I have friends who love kids, interact really well with them but just never wanted their own.

You can tell someone's character by the way they treat children and old people. Don't bring your child where he isn't welcome, I can understand wanting adults only time that's fine but going out of your way to ignore a child is mean.

We are the same. Like children, but glad to hand them back at the appropriate time. Interaction at a mainly adult gathering depends on the parent really. If they aren’t getting involved, full attention on child rather than everything else, it’s perhaps not the right point to meet up, as no one is likely to be getting what they want from the interaction….bad manners if visiting a home with children in though, you take an interest, or simply don’t go. We have taken friends and family children out for day though, without parents and had a great time. They might have been allowed to do some things, eaten some things, said some things that wasn’t routine, but so far no harm has come to any of them, and they keep coming back for more. I am out of my comfort zone with anything under 5 though🤣 Must be potty trained, and able to eat with a knife and fork. Preferably into animals.

Are the friends who are rolling eyes, ignoring your child and you in the same group of friends?if so that speaks for itself. Also, does that mean you literally can't even speak about your child at all? (I don't mean chat about him all day bit even mention him).

Some friendships drift when lives change etc and that is perfectly fine. I don't think your on the same level any more and frankly you deserve better friends.

Eta- if anyone came to my house and acted in that way towards my family they would be out the door before they could get a chance for another eye roll.

I think that some people without children think children are a nuisance. I was one of those pre motherhood.

When childless I would visit a friend, drive 1 hour each way to her house to then having her interrupt our conversation every 2-3 minutes to talk to the child. I wasn't rude to the child but preferred not to visit again under those conditions. It is difficult being friends with people with children when you're childless and dislike children interaction.

They must be annoyed if they are trying to talk to you and your child is interrupting asking them things or asking them to play and they can't have a proper adult conversation. Obviously, your child is being a child, he's not wrong but your friends may not know how to properly interact with a child.

Now that I'm a mother I go out with my child only with friends that have young children. If I'm meeting friends that have much older kids or no kids, I don't bring my child and get the dad to look after him. Although, I still dislike badly behaving kids and would avoid them.

Wouldn't be my friends anymore, simple as that!

I have a friendship group where nearly all of them can't stand kids. Me and one other couple have children but the rest are very vocally anti-children. I don't think they'd actually be mean to my children's faces but they would be disinterested. They certainly don't want to hear me talking about my kids. They're always saying how annoying, boring, irritating children are etc. They'd rather die than have children.
To be honest from day one I've just kept my children sperate from this group. I never take them to meet these friends and I'd only invite my friends over if the children were asleep or out. It's just too stressful trying to socialise with this group if the kids are around. None of us enjoy it!
I don't talk about my children to them because I know they're not interested. It's OK thought as I tend to talk about the children a lot with other people so it's nice to focus on other topics of conversation.
I feel like with these friends I can be myself - the old me who was a bit silly and funny rather than always being in sensible mum mode.

There's nothing worse, really? I think a "friend" being rude and dismissive of your child is worse, tbh.