AIBU to be annoyed at DH missing family event?

[Chunkychips23]

It’s my mums birthday lunch coming up, which has been booked in for a while. DH has been offered free tickets for a sporting event at the weekend. It comes with all the bells and whistles and he is super passionate about it. He wants to miss my mums birthday lunch.

Ordinarily I wouldn’t be bothered, but it means lugging our 14 month old on the train and then into a taxi. Again, not that big a deal, but I’m heavily pregnant and struggling with tiredness, sciatica pain and lifting heavy things atm. I’ve tried lifting DC in the car seat as practice and I’m really struggling.

I have checked with those in attendance and nobody has space in their cars for us, so it would definitely be a taxi job. DC HATES being in the car seat also, so there’s going to be that fun to deal with too 😅

DH said it’s my own fault for not learning to drive and then I wouldn’t have this problem. Or my my family should try and accommodate me. He’s saying I can tell him not to go, but he knows full well I have never and will never be that person. I’ve explained what I’d be struggling with and my concerns. I get how much the sporting event means to him. There’s a long family tradition there and it makes him feel closer to his deceased father. So I don’t want to tell him not to go.

He is a hands on father generally and does his fair share of parenting, so it’s not like he’s skipping out after being useless.

My mum has done a lot for us too. Plus my side of the family rarely have gatherings. I know she’s disappointed too but won’t express it. I have to go to all of his family gatherings, know matter what. Or his mum gets upset and then I get grief about it.

DH doesn’t think I have a right to be annoyed or feel let down. I can just ask strangers to help me, it’s not a big deal. I feel bad about being pissed off, as in the grand scheme of things it’s not a massive deal. Am I just being hormonal? AIBU here as it is something he wouldn’t ordinarily be able to afford to go to?

It does seem like everyone around you just can't be bothered to help you or care about you.

Yep he's got an amazing opportunity but he should also be making sure that you are OK. He doesn't need two nights for a game which starts at half four. ( assuming six nations at twickenham).

But also your whole extended family can't seem bothered to put themselves out for ten minutes to help.

I do wonder whether you'd be better off doing something separate with your mum as the rest of your family aren't bothered about you.

What is someone not willing to "risk" because they use their car for work? Are they worried you'll have your baby in the car? if that's a real risk you shouldn't be travelling. This sounds bizarre. I really wouldn't be bothering to see them all.

Oh stop attacking OP for daring to want to celebrate her mother’s birthday! Its only a problem because her shit husband backed out of a planned family celebration where he could have made himself useful juggling his own children so op and her mother could enjoy themselves ?because he got a better offer.

All this 'going up the night before' malarky is all about going out on the piss isn't it. He could do it without that.

Your husband should be organising a dog sitter FGS, why should you have to try to rearrange everything around him.
If he wants to go he needs to make it as easy as possible for you.

I only read OP’s comments and I think her H is very selfish - he only sees his mates few times a month? What is he - in college?? A man who wanted to create a family and have even more kids doesn’t just swan off as if he’s single. I get it about the event but he has to make some concessions and leave in the morning at the earliest.
also, use this opportunity to turn the tables for his family events and make it clear that you get a pass whenever you want for any reason you want and he just has to grow some balls and deal with his mother.

Ok Oo, but then point out the double standard our to him.

no more Mil visits to which you need to force yourself.

i‘d be livid about the hipocracy!

Agree I wouldn't be visiting inlaws. I do just feel this particular visit is mad. If I was heavily pregnant and in pain I wouldn't be travelling to something hours away in a different country for a meal no birthday is that special. I missed a relative's special wedding anniversary do for that reason when I was in late pregnancy. My family understood. They wanted the best for me and my baby.

My mum was going to come and get me, but it’s her birthday and I don’t want her to do that. She said she understands if I can’t make it. We’ve just had a chat about it all. I still feel awful if I don’t go, just because DH’s plans have changed. I feel it’s just one afternoon and I can ask strangers to help.

She said a different county, not a different country! And I can quite understand why she wants to be there for this special occasion, if only the travel there and back can be made doable.

Sorry - cross posted with you OP. Please let your mum help you. I am sure she really wants to, and it will mean a lot to her if you can be there.

OP are you sure you are fit enough for this?

As the thread goes on I feel more sorry for you op and think your husband and wider family are treating you terribly.
I would always help a heavily pregnant stranger on public transport so I hope that you are offered help readily.
I do think your DH should help you get there though, he agreed to and has now changed the game. Even if he gets you to your mum the night before and then you share a taxi with her. Who cares if he then has a long drive, his decision.

YANBU

He’s being selfish and you should return energy when it comes to his family.

I’d ignore the posters whining about you not driving. Some posters like to assume that if you don’t drive, you must be a hindrance to others and have other people drive you all the time. Typically, same people who complain about traffic.

Still not addressing the big problem - you are married to a selfish man-child not a "family loving" husband. Wake up soon OP

You've mentioned a few times that you can't lift the car seat with your toddler in it. Would it be possible to take your toddler out of the car seat, fix it to the stroller and then put your toddler back into the stroller/car seat again?

Just read all your posts @Chunkychips23

Your H is a truly selfish twat. Truly.

Quite Twaddlepip not one moment of thought for you at all just thinking about himself and damn the rest of his family

Maybe I’m missing something, OP, but why can’t your DH be the one to find a dog sitter? It’s not (or shouldn’t be) all on you… (unless it’s exclusively your dog, I suppose…)

He can’t yet stand without holding onto something 😩 If I knew he’d stand there holding onto the stroller base patiently or even just sit still, it would be doable. But he’d crawl off as fast as he could as the world is currently for exploring.