Childminder ‘shouted’ at toddler

[MargerineDreams]

No previous concerns with childminder. Today she advised she had to ‘shout’ at my child. Her words. She explained that an an outing to a local community centre, my child wasn’t getting attention from someone who works at the centre and therefore had a tantrum. Childminder then had to ‘shout’ at child to make them stop having a tantrum. Am I being ‘wet’ in worrying a childminder should not ‘shout’ at my kid? By all means, manage behaviour but ‘shouting’?! When I picked my kid up she was v clingy. I’m not soft, I raise my voice at my kids and I regret it and apologise. I don’t want anyone to ‘shout’ at
my toddler unless they are in immediate danger. Definitely okay with dealing with behaviour in
an appropriate way. But ‘shouting‘ at a toddler seems aggressive.

Why would a childminder (presumably unprompted) tell you that they shouted at their child?

Bit odd

Yeah not unreasonable. You never "need" to shout at a toddler, certainly not helpful to stop a tantrum. I think the fact that she told you means it was pretty bad and she feels guilty and that you might hear from someone else or depending the age your child tell you about it.

Read the post again

Childminder then had to ‘shout’ at child to make them stop having a tantrum. I'd find a new childminder, this doesn't sound ok

Crap childminders exist. I remember one that lived locally to me that was absolutely horrid to the poor boy she looked after. If she’s admitting to shouting at your child in public that isn’t good.

Guilty conscious

Change childminder if you're that bothered. You either trust them with your child or don't.

If child was having a screaming tantrum she probably had to raise her voice to be heard!

Exactly this.

I hoped you were going to say it was because the child was running across a car park/road or doing something dangerous. It doesn't sound like it was necessary in this situation (from the detail we have) and I wonder if she told you this because other people in the community centre would have seen and it might have gotten back to you?

In any case I'd probably let it slide if I had a great, honest, relationship with this childminder, loved her and thought it was genuinely a one off slip up that she was sorry for. Any other doubts though maybe start looking for a new one

I wouldn't expect anyone to shout at my dc if they were melting down. I guess it's good she felt comfortable telling you but concerning she doesn't see an issue.

Two options-
Find new childcare
Talk to childminder and explain you don't feel shouting at a child in distress is appropriate and you would like her to manage it differently.

The question is whether you can still trust her.

What's the difference between you raising your voice and her shouting?

Does your DC talk? I wonder if she told you because she knew they'd tell. I don't like the fact that she yelled and didn't just go distract. Unless safety concerns which this isn't there should be no shouting. We all shout here and there but they are our kids lol.

Do you shout at your child? I presume you must from time to time. If you can, why can't a childminder?

When you give them your child, they are defacto parenting your child in your absence. When I left DS with a childminder as a toddler, it was like leaving him with family to look after - so if he needed some discipline (im talking about firm "No" or a naughty corner time out etc...) then that's fine. He was never mistreated. I'd rather someone have taken the time to help teach boundaries and consequences instead of just constantly distracting them if they have a tantrum. That's not actually helping them to learn that behaviour isn't ok!

Could it be more that you have parental guilt about leaving your child with a CM?

So yes, IMO you are being a bit wet.

OUT OF ORDER!

Do you have any other concerns with your childminder?

Does your child have bratty tantrums regularly?

Did she mean she tried to shout above the noise to get her attention to try and stop the tantrum rather than shouted at her in an abusive way?

This. What I call raising my voice my husband calls shouting.
Is her shouting the same as you raising your voice?
If you are otherwise happy then leave it.
She obviously wasn't best pleased by the whole situation - hence her telling you.

Most children young enough to be out in the day with a childminder will have ‘bratty tantrums’ regularly. MN is really odd about normal stages of development for small children.

Anyway, I’m pretty positive that what happened was that the child was trying to get the attention of an adult (childminder or anyone), couldn’t, because they were all sat chatting and ignoring the children, then got upset when she was ignored and then got shouted at.

And how do I know … because it’s a depressingly familiar sight, despite MN insisting childminders who do this are in the minority and whatabounurserieswhatdoyouthinkhappensTHERE. Sigh.

This is what I was thinking. If she had said she had raised her voice, would you still be upset? You are using different terminology but it is the same thing as shouting.

She clearly did see an issue! Which is why she mentioned it.

I have no issue with CM raising her voice, when needed eg: danger / if needing to be heard. I guess she could have just used ‘shout’ to describe what I would call raising my voice, but I won’t know. Never had issues with CM and never felt my child was unsafe before so this is new,
and I’m feeling out how others would feel in this context. I guess I should speak with her for clarity on the situation or remove my kid. And no I don’t feel too much guilt for putting my kid in childcare, not enough to quit my job anyway. Needs must.

Childminders tend to give updates of what happened throughout the day - presumably the cm shouted as a last resort, but wanted to make the parent aware before the child said something which might alarm the parent? I wouldn't want a 'shouty' cm but can see where there might be some occasion where there is little option other than to raise your voice/shout.

A one- off incidence, let it go, and as someone said, was it to get her attention, rather than anger.

(Also, why all the ‘’.”? Not needed).

Do you mean conscience?