Childminder ‘shouted’ at toddler

[MargerineDreams]

No previous concerns with childminder. Today she advised she had to ‘shout’ at my child. Her words. She explained that an an outing to a local community centre, my child wasn’t getting attention from someone who works at the centre and therefore had a tantrum. Childminder then had to ‘shout’ at child to make them stop having a tantrum. Am I being ‘wet’ in worrying a childminder should not ‘shout’ at my kid? By all means, manage behaviour but ‘shouting’?! When I picked my kid up she was v clingy. I’m not soft, I raise my voice at my kids and I regret it and apologise. I don’t want anyone to ‘shout’ at
my toddler unless they are in immediate danger. Definitely okay with dealing with behaviour in
an appropriate way. But ‘shouting‘ at a toddler seems aggressive.

I'd bet my bottom dollar she told because it happened in public & that would immediately make me question what happens in private.

I'm very surprised so many would be ok with a childminder shouting at your young child. For having a tantrum

I have dc & i didn't shout at them for having tantrums. They didn't have too many but it's a known recognised developmental phase. How could a grown adult shouting a lot a tiny child in this situation possibly help

I went for distraction & if that failed waiting it out or gently but firmly bodily removing them if they were obstructing anyone else's movements. I didn't shout as it's a ridiculous reaction & just shows how not in control you are. Of your emotions & of the situation & I would not like that quality in a childminder or creche worker etc

A bad childminder wouldn't have told you they shouted.

You sound really upset. Hope you feel better soon, sending love

Honestly OP, you're the one who sounds overly upset. Sorry, if that's too blunt for you, but it's how you're coming across.

Childminder told you, so either it just meant raising her voice and she was describing a difficult part of day. Or she knows shouting is not good and wanted to tell you her error - which does suggest it won't happen again anyway. If no other concerns I would let this go.

I might ask regularly if any tantrums and if yes find out how they were resolved to check how things are going.

I'm sure I've shouted at my own child occasionally when I needed to catch his attention and he wasn't listening. He's 22 and seems pretty unscattered

I think you need to take a long hard look at yourself. The way you’re speaking is extremely OTT. You’ve got a poster asking about an incident with a toddler, that they’re trying to manage.

Thats all.

Your level of anger and wording is ridiculous.

For what it's worth the area I grew up in we would quite often say "the teacher shouted at me" when all we meant was told us off in a slightly raised voice. When I moved to a new location I had to stop using it this way because everyone here imagined it to mean bellowing at me with full force. Could just be a bit of a misunderstanding over what she actually meant by shouting

I'll be number two, I see it often, I'm my DD's childcare, do a lot of babysitting and like to be out and about. The local group of childminders plonk themselves in the edge of the park, when stuff is going on and the children watch, rather than join in. The lack of privacy given to the children and families they work for is staggering. I mentioned it to a teacher, last week, who didn't shut the CM down, but allowed them to gossip on. One CM, who my DD is friends with her DN, used to try to leave the non verbal children with them, when they were teens (10+ years ago).

OP, it wasn't a shouting situation. She needs to recap on tantrum interventions. It's quite worrying that so many parents on here don't seem to know what a tantrum actually is and using discipline won't help with emotional regulation.

I think you are being unreasonable to be annoyed.
This childminder is presumably a professional and felt your child required shouting at the get them to behave / snap out of their tantrum. The fact they told you means they’re clearly transparent about the care your child receives. You’re free to elect a new childcare provider if this makes you feel uncomfortable, but you weren’t there when it happened so you’ll never truly know how much of a douche your DC was being in that moment.

Omg @Gymrabbit chill 😂

OP I have a 2 year old and would be upset if her key worker shouted at her! I've never shouted at her so wouldn't see it necessary that someone else did. I'd ask for more clarification next time you see her.

Calling someone pathetic because they are asking for advice is really low.

Why would she feel guilty for leaving her child with a child minder?
Also, you don’t need to discipline a child for a tantrum. It’s not naughty behaviour

Honestly the OP doesn’t and the poster she was responding to had been called out by a few others on this thread.

The response was totally OTT, calling OP pathetic etc.

I’m surprised anyone agreed with that poster really.

OP doesn’t sound “upset” but a bit concerned and asking how to manage a situation.

I would raise my voice and speak more sternly but would not shout at someone else's child, unless of course they were about to run out into the road or put themselves in harms way. It may be that she raised her voice and that's what she meant when she said shouted.

I certainly wouldn't want to show myself up shouting at someone's child in a public space.

Not sure about this one. It sounded like just a telling off to me and sometimes raising your voice is needed to be heard. Is your child generally happy there? If so, I’m not sure there is anything to be worried about.

How do you know what happens at the nursery for 10 hours when you are not there?

Having never required a childminder other than Grandparents I don't know how I'd feel in this situation. I understand not everyone has this privilege although if they weren't available my initial thoughts were I think I'd be more inclined to place my child in a daycare nursery providing it had an excellent reputation.

@Newfoundzestforlife

I meant an issue with the shouting not the tantrum. If the childminder thought shouting was inappropriate she either wouldn't have mentioned it or it would have been in an apologetic way. The childminder is obviously comfortable with shouting as a method of behaviour management.

WTF. I posted on the parenting crisis thread agreeing with OP. I think there is an issue with permissive parenting.

But I still think there are better ways than shouting at a toddler and wouldn’t be happy with a childminder shouting at my child. A toddler isn’t at school are they? So your home schooling point is moot.

They would if it had been witnessed by others who might then tell OP that the childminder had lost it with her child.

Bet she told you because she's worried someone saw her mistreat your child and will tell you about it.

If she's doing this in public I'm sure she's also doing it behind closed doors.

Not acceptable to shout at a toddler. Especially not as a paid childminder.

I'd remove my child immediately.

This is satire, please tell me this is satire?

Shouting isn't losing it though.

Of course there are other, and perhaps better, ways. However maybe the cm had already tried these and wanted OP to know just how much of a problem her child was creating!