Childminder ‘shouted’ at toddler

[MargerineDreams]

No previous concerns with childminder. Today she advised she had to ‘shout’ at my child. Her words. She explained that an an outing to a local community centre, my child wasn’t getting attention from someone who works at the centre and therefore had a tantrum. Childminder then had to ‘shout’ at child to make them stop having a tantrum. Am I being ‘wet’ in worrying a childminder should not ‘shout’ at my kid? By all means, manage behaviour but ‘shouting’?! When I picked my kid up she was v clingy. I’m not soft, I raise my voice at my kids and I regret it and apologise. I don’t want anyone to ‘shout’ at
my toddler unless they are in immediate danger. Definitely okay with dealing with behaviour in
an appropriate way. But ‘shouting‘ at a toddler seems aggressive.

Your parenting standards are on the floor, aren't they?

@NormaleKartoffeln why would it be satire not to have shouted at a TWO year old?! They are tiny! There's no need to shout!

We're going to have to agree to disagree, because the OP (and anyone who thinks nobody should ever shout at their little darling) is overreacting.

Why do you think it’s satire?? I hate permissive parenting but I still never needed to shout at my child (until they’re school age that is, and trying to get them ready in the morning… that’s a different ballgame) There are other ways to discipline you know!

Sure, come back when they are 8 and ruling the roost.

Nope. Never shouted at my toddlers. They are very well-behaved children. You can have discipline without shouting.

@NormaleKartoffeln it's really sad you think shouting is the only way of having firm boundaries. Shouting means you've lost control, not that you've gained it. Your parenting is awful if you think it's okay to shout at a toddler barely out of babyhood.

*TuesdayRubies *

just about sums it up in this topsy turvy world.
People who discipline their kids have parenting standards which are ‘on the floor.’

I am perfectly aware of how to discipline a child, and shouting is rarely the first resort, but it is definitely sometimes necessary. The general fear of actually disciplining a child effectively is causing lots of problems further down the line.

It's really sad you are implying I said that, because I didn't say anything remotely like that. Nice try though.

In many cases shouting isn't required, but there are definitely some cases where it is effective.
I think we will all realise that, if we haven't already when we look at discipline in schools.

Shouting at a two year old is not discipline. It's pathetic parenting from people who have no idea how to actually discipline effectively. Only the thickest and most aggressive people shout at two year olds. Firm boundaries are perfectly possibly without shouting like a fishwife at a two year old child. HTH.

FWIW, when I was a teacher, often the most poorly behaved children had shouty parents.

*NormaleKartoffeln *

They don’t realise it.
these are the parents who are going to be wringing their hands in a few years wondering why they are being called into school for their children and blaming everyone but themselves.

Well you literally told me to come back when my child is ruling the roost @NormaleKartoffeln so I'm not misrepresenting you. You're suggesting my parenting is going to be ineffective because I don't believe in shouting at two year old children. How sad for you.

Not when they are babies/toddlers, I totally disagree. A firm ‘no’ will suffice at that age. If they are hitting someone with something, take it away straight away, that kind of thing. Immediate consequences.

Never shouted at mine and now eldest is 8. I’m not deluded about their behaviour because teachers etc always comments how good they are. Not being smug I’m just saying, shouting is really not needed!

Absolutely @Peaceandquietandacuppa

Tbh I am not even a very 'gentle parent', I'd shout at a five year old for running off and not listening to me or other situations like that, I could lose my temper with an older child. But honestly I think people who think it's okay to shout at a little two year old have something wrong with them.

It’s not true! I never shouted at mine. I have an 8 year old now and what you’ve said hasn’t come true. I think the key is, you do need discipline, consequences etc are fine. You just don’t need shouting.

Jannier - it isn’t irrelevant. Certainly no more irrelevant than the post above. I do think this is what happened.

These threads always see childminders (and parents who use childminders) scrambling to insist that it's vanishingly rare, most childminders aren't like that - but too many of us have seen exactly this sort of conduct from groups of childminders for that to be the case.

I suspect most posters here would agree there is a widespread problem with poor, disengaged caregivers in all types of settings. Many childcare settings are also covering up shoddy, lazy practices with shiny photo ops and lying to parents. It's a major problem, and it really isn't possible to know for sure whether your child's carer or setting is really one of the good ones or not. I would say my children’s nursery is an excellent one but these threads always see childminders pitted against nurseries and insisting that nurseries are filled with young girls on minimum wage and so it goes on.

The trouble is that, understandably, trying to have a discussion about this upsets parents who desperately need to believe that their childcare is excellent. They should be able to rely on it and not feel guilty for using it! The answer is for childcare not to be so underpaid and undervalued. And in the meantime I think the Ops child probably DID try to get the attention of a chatting childminder.

Totally @Peaceandquietandacuppa . It's kind of like in teaching, often the less effective teachers are the ones who need to shout. The best ones can keep order without ever having to raise their voice really because they command respect with clear rules etc. No need for shouting. Especially not with a two year old!!

Just speak with the CM and ask what actually happened.

But anyway OP this has all gone off topic because some aggressive parents want to defend their decision to yell at two year olds as a discipline method. The point is, what she did is unacceptable. And I bet she only admitted it because it was in public. Your poor little one. I would move her to a nursery if possible.

I think all that you can do is try to clarify what actually happened. Sometimes you do have to raise your voice to be heard.

@NormaleKartoffeln - Shouting isn't losing it though.

Em it kind of is when it's a toddler and the whole point of the thread?

I think it depends how she means 'shout'. Did she actually shout or just speak firmly?

Asking because I had a friend who I saw apologise to her son for shouting at him. She'd not even raised her voice, just barely expressed some displeasure with his behaviour!