Childminder ‘shouted’ at toddler

[MargerineDreams]

No previous concerns with childminder. Today she advised she had to ‘shout’ at my child. Her words. She explained that an an outing to a local community centre, my child wasn’t getting attention from someone who works at the centre and therefore had a tantrum. Childminder then had to ‘shout’ at child to make them stop having a tantrum. Am I being ‘wet’ in worrying a childminder should not ‘shout’ at my kid? By all means, manage behaviour but ‘shouting’?! When I picked my kid up she was v clingy. I’m not soft, I raise my voice at my kids and I regret it and apologise. I don’t want anyone to ‘shout’ at
my toddler unless they are in immediate danger. Definitely okay with dealing with behaviour in
an appropriate way. But ‘shouting‘ at a toddler seems aggressive.

yes thanks !

Reading the OP’s post I had the same thoughts. At every toddler group I go to the childminded kids are just left to play and are completely ignored while the childminders all sit chatting. They are desperate for adult attention and usually try other parents / members of staff when they don’t get it from their childminder.

I wasn't quoting you OP.

If toddler was screaming, surely one would need to raise voice to be heard ?
You do it so what’s the difference ?

Looking after a young child can be hard and stressful for the best of us. I only ever see the expectation that parents /childminders should be unwaveringly controlled at all times and circumstances on MN.

Most people accept the reality that we’re human and that it’s unrealistic to expect to be perfect parents 💯 of the time and exist in a zen-like state where nothing causes them ever to show anger or frustration, even mildly.

I think this is what I’m trying to figure out, and perhaps I need to ask the CM for clarity. I don’t hold her to different standards. Her phrase ‘I shouted at her’ worried me. If she said ‘I raised my voice’ I would’ve been less worried. It’s possibly semantics but I need to ask the questions to find out.

I wonder if she told you because she thinks it will otherwise get back to you anyway, as it happened in public?

if she told you about it it must have been a big deal to her
that is good that she was honest

i wouldnt worry anymore about it
i think she was just telling you the tantrum was so bad

its too late to question her now, she spoke honestly, no explanation needed

There's always one....well done you must have been waiting for a cm post just to leap in with an irrelevant bashing comment.

She’s told you because she knows you’re going to find out. She’s got in there first with her version of events. I’d find someone else. And the idiot who thinks a toddler has ‘bratty tantrums’ 🤣 Jog on! Clearly just here to be goady.

I think you do need clarity before making a decision, also is your child normally happy to attend? See how she is next time. But try not to influence your child, just act normally.

I'd talk to her a bit more ...but raising your voice is just a way of saying shouted but making you feel better...you shout at your child.

Totally agree. Seeing how childminders ‘looked after’ their charges at toddler groups made me decide to go for a nursery. It was so hands off as to be almost dangerous sometimes.

Yeah I would be watching this like a HAWK!

My gut tells me that she's only told you about this because it happened in public & there's a chance you'll hear it back.

I would not be happy about a teacher or a scout leader or a doctor or nurse etc shouting at my child & i ESPECIALLY would not be happy at a paid childminder doing so.

I do expect them to have complete self control in their paid employment of minding other people's children

The only possible justification I could see here would be if the child was running into danger like a busy road or a fire etc & even then I'd be questioning how they allowed that to happen in the first place.

This would not sit well with me, particularly if your child is not yet able to articulate what happened.

I assume you are going to home school?
if not then get over it. She shouted, so what?
Maybe encourage your child not to tantrum when they don’t get their own way instead of condemning a person who is trying to sort out their behaviour.

And look at the thread on the parenting crisis.
people like you embody it.

Good god! Teachers should not be shouting at individual children either & especially ones too young to say anything about it. Wtf is wrong with people??

How old is your child?

I'd ask the childminder for clarity about the incident and their behaviour policy in general. I'd be a bit taken aback to hear that a young child was shouted at to "make them stop having a tantrum" - tantrums are age appropriate and it would probably have made more sense to take your DD away from the staff member if she was bothering them and wait for the tantrum to run its course. Or engage her in another activity before it got to the point of her getting so frustrated.

If she's four or something then that might be different. Still not the best way to deal with it but I can see how someone might be surprised into it. I'm assuming since you haven't asked DD what happened though she's probably under two.

It might not be a bad idea to phone the children's centre in question and ask if you can speak to someone there to clarify what happened and see if they have concerns or can reassure you that it was an appropriate action by your childminder. Children's centre staff are usually trained in child development.

I’ve noticed that some people use ‘shout’ to mean ‘tell off’ . My niece once said I’d shouted at her when I said quietly but firmly’stop doing that, you are making a mess’. Ask her exactly what happened.

This is all a bit OTT. She told you because she’s being honest, she probably didn’t think it was ideal or normal otherwise she wouldn’t have bothered telling you.
your child isn’t ‘unsafe’.
would all these posters replace themselves as mothers if they shouted at their child?
try to remember that children, in real life, need to become resilient and will not be permanently damaged because someone raised their voice.
we forgive, we move on!

I don't think it matters a fig what we'd do 'as mothers' because we are not the paid employed provider of a service as this childminder & all other paid childminder are. They should not be shouting at young children. End of imo

Who hurt you?

Is english her first language ? Maybe she meant she had to raise her voice but said she shouted.

If your child was having a tantrum in public and their behaviour was having a negative or dangerous effect on others - what would you do?

Sometimes you need to shout "stop" to support the child to bring themselves around.

She's been honest with you about it. I'd be more concerned about someone keeping the need to discipline my child secret.