Childminder ‘shouted’ at toddler

[MargerineDreams]

No previous concerns with childminder. Today she advised she had to ‘shout’ at my child. Her words. She explained that an an outing to a local community centre, my child wasn’t getting attention from someone who works at the centre and therefore had a tantrum. Childminder then had to ‘shout’ at child to make them stop having a tantrum. Am I being ‘wet’ in worrying a childminder should not ‘shout’ at my kid? By all means, manage behaviour but ‘shouting’?! When I picked my kid up she was v clingy. I’m not soft, I raise my voice at my kids and I regret it and apologise. I don’t want anyone to ‘shout’ at
my toddler unless they are in immediate danger. Definitely okay with dealing with behaviour in
an appropriate way. But ‘shouting‘ at a toddler seems aggressive.

The wildly different definitions of shouting don't help either.

I can't help but notice how sensitive older children and teenagers can be about teachers shouting these days. I'm guessing that's because a slightly raised voice now counts.

@NormaleKartoffeln no it's not satire that I haven't shouted at my 2 year old.. Why would it be?

Well my kids are past that age now, so not really an issue, but my thinking was that there were more adults which could offset one poor caregiver and there was a controlled environment designed for small children, rather than random church halls not properly prepared for toddlers.

Surely it all depends on the “shouting”. Did she

A. Raise her voice so she could make herself heard over the tantrum, or

B. Scream at full volume for a lengthy period millimetres away from the toddlers face

Im not sure any of us would have an issue with A. but all of us (I hope) would have an issue with B…. And then there’s everything else in between.

@MargerineDreams do you know anyone who attends that same group? I tend towards the CM telling you this to pre-empt you finding out from someone else.
So if I knew anyone who was there I'd be tempted to have a conversation with them to get a clearer picture of this 'shouting'.

Yes nurseries aren't infallible either but at least there's the possibility of a witness to bad treatment. But of course awful things can still happen, e.g. poor Genevieve Meehan. I think generally though I'd be uncomfortable with how there's no witness to anything that happens at a childminders. Unless they came very highly recommended and known to me well.

Mine are well over 8, they’re adults and never ruled the roost and I didn’t shout at them when they were 2.

HTH!

If you think teachers never shout (baring in mind they are teaching 30 kids) you're going to have a shock when your child starts school, especially secondary.

What is wrong with being shouted at? If adults are normally not shouting then raising your voice shows the child they are in danger or have seriously overstepped a boundary. You can’t rationally explain actions and consequences to tiny little humans with underdeveloped brains. We get this as teachers now, we are encouraged not to raise our voices. Sometimes a class of 32 teenagers need a good bollocking! And so do toddlers. Maybe I’m a Victorian but the current approach of no one can tell off my child or my child does no wrong isn’t working!

@Bringmeahigherlove it's not a modern thing to not shout at a two year old. It's always been a sign of pretty shit parenting to shout at a child that young. Shouting is not the same as having firm boundaries.

Having worked in an nursery it's no better, sometimes even worse especially the baby rooms. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it isn't happening.

The irony of criticising someone’s parenting when they’re concerned about a toddler being shouted at. If you condone shouting at toddlers and don’t understand why children tantrum then you are part of a parenting crisis not the OP

Op this could just be semantics...some areas of UK we would use the term 'shout' the same as 'raise our voice' or 'tell off' or 'used a stern voice' and she may not mean what you are thinking. I wouldn't have thought she didn't mean that she completely lost it and 'screamed and shouted' at the child.

I sometimes say 'shout up to daddy to tell him tea is ready' -obviously this isn't a bad thing. Or in a noisy environment you may have to 'shout' to be heard. Doesn't mean you've lost the plot and are angry shouting if you know what I mean.
Have a chat with childminder maybe?

No that’s not true, it’s you specifically that people are referring to, with your obvious ridiculously angry reaction to a post on a parenting website. Your use of the term “pathetic”.

Its you they are referring to and to be honest, I agree.

as I said, take a long hard look at why this has caused you such a reaction.

You don’t like people answering you back, opposing opinions? What is it?

Adults shout - in anger , and also sometimes to make themselves heard and you don't know which it was ?

And also adults are human - and I wouldn't get stressed about a one off incident

Some people us the phrase shouted at interchangeably with telling off or ‘giving out.’
I would talk to her about it .

Sounds like there are no good options then, thats a shame.

It’s hard to say without knowing what was said and how it was said. For just a sharp ‘NO’ I wouldn’t mind, however if she full blown screamed at DC I would be livid and she should probably be sacked.

I disagree. It’s very much part of modern parenting. I’m not saying we should be sending our children down the mines or reverting back to the cane but it isn’t “shit parenting” to raise your voice. The child will not be damaged by adults raising their voice every now and then. It’s fine.

See how your DC is with CM next time you go

A 2 year old never needs shouted at. Ever. They are TWO for goodness sake. And a toddler having a tantrum is not being a brat. They are being a very normal, very young person who is not yet able to regulate their emotions and needs an adult to help them learn that skill.

And yes mine are now much older than 2, do not rule the roost and are well behaved at school.

FFS, yes in my opinion you are being a bit wet. Maybe she meant it like she had to tell him off, maybe she meant she had to raise her voice. Either way, I wish more childminders, teachers, club leaders etc felt empowered to discipline kids and be backed by the kids parents. So many unruly undisciplined children now because their wet wipe parents can’t accept that sometimes their child does something wrong and needs to be told off properly, not just in this namby pamby way we do often see now.

I think you're being 'wet' OP, especially for this reason:

I’m not soft, I raise my voice at my kids and I regret it and apologise.

Why would you apologise to your kids for raising your voice? That absolutely is being soft.

Presumably you would raise your voice as a last resort to get their attention and/or to assert your authority? Why then apologise and lay blame at your feet rather as explain that bad behaviour has consequences (i.e. parent needing to raise her voice).

Apparently some think shouting at 2 year olds make them regulate quicker.

I don’t think so!

100% this. The only time my toddler kicks off is if she's tired, hungry or overstimulated. And shouting at her would just inflame the situation! I grew up with shouty parents who couldn't regulate their emotions and regularly lost control and I won't be the same 🙂