Teachers apparently telling reception children to ' stop crying '

[bapabear]

My DD hurt herself at school today.

I asked her if she was ok and whether she cried... she said ' no ', I then asked her if she cries often at school and she said ' no, I never cry because the teachers just tell us to stop crying '...

It's not a huge deal or anything and who knows what the context is that the teachers have told them to stop crying. But I don't know? Somehow it's a bit of a weird thing if true.

Is this normal ? I'm not going to make a fuss or anything but is that right ? Teachers just telling 4/5 year olds to ' stop crying ' ?

Why don’t you ask the teacher? I expect their response to be similar to many up thread.

i’m 40 and I still remember being told (angrily) by a teacher to stop crying when I was in nursery. Didn’t stop me, just scared me. Good that your child has told you.

I had a teacher once look at me absolutely horrified because I was upset about something so this struck a chord & I wouldn't be happy at all.

Yes there's minimal they can "do" but sympathy & support is free

So I just asked my 4.5 year old 🤣🤣🤣 if the teachers tell them to stop crying if they are upset! He said no they give us an ice pack if we are hurt.

Hilarious

No, it’s not normal to tell a child to stop crying.

Still now at 25 I occasionally cry! Crying is a way of letting out and displaying your emotions. We should be encouraging children to feel how they do, listening to them and offering comfort and support so they feel ready to stop, not just telling them to stop. That actually makes me feel really sad to think about.

I know you said you don’t want to make a fuss but I would definitely be asking the teacher for clarification on what is meant by your child’s comment.

But this is about a 10 or 11 year old, who has been seriously misbehaving; and may be crying in a conscious attempt to escape consequences; not a 4 or 5 year old whose only 'misbehaviour' is crying.

@ToWhitToWhoo that’s where you end up when you pander to certain types of crying.

Like the attention seeking ones that intensify/start/continue only when someone is actually looking like an adult or a peer.

Or that instant cry at being told off or told no either by an adult or a peer.

Or the hysterical "I'm dying" crying I've cut a finger off, no it's the other hand, actually it's my foot ... when there's not a mark on them.

Or because the last sticker is gone , after they used 10 (and other kids got none) and they want more.

Or..... you get the gist.

And while it might be lovely and ideal to sit with every single crying kid and comfort them and cater to their every need , including the need for attention , and try and figure out exactly what the crying means and what prompted it and what lies underneath ...

When you have 30 kids and Maisie needs help after the toilet, Suzie needs help changing because she rolled around in mud, Jimmy needs a new reading book, Thomas has a hypo, Alice actually hurt herself, Timmy has an unexplained bruise which needs paperwork completed and it's just you and a TA (if lucky) and you still have to teach a lesson? Yeah, Maddies inexistent injury , despite the wailing, might get a stop crying .

So you've gone from this.....

*"Teachers apparently telling reception children to ' stop crying."

From a five year old.

To.....
*I have definitely said to her before ' come on, stop crying and let's do something fun ' after having consoled her first.

The teachers are so lovely, I can't imagine them doing it in a mean way. M

Not sure what your point is.

It's all a matter of tone, surely, and of recognizing what happens with each child.

Child falls over and is hurt and cries - telling them to stop crying wouldn't be good.

Child is upset and overwhelmed and needs help to calm down - eventually a gentle 'try to stop crying now and tell me what's wrong' is fine.

Child cries loudly and readily over over trivial matters, when asked not to do something, or demands priority because they are crying - again, a gentle 'stop crying and follow x instruction' is okay.

It all depends on time and context. But children should be helped to learn not to cry when they can help it in a shared space - it raises stress levels for everyone, and there are other ways to handle and express emotions.

@bapabear

" I asked her if she was ok and whether she cried... she said ' no ', I then asked her if she cries often at school and she said ' no, I never cry because the teachers just tell us to stop crying ' "

This makes no sense to me OP.

Why would you ask her your follow up question when she had already told you she hadn't cried?

Also, even if she did cry - it's still a very strange question to ask her.

OP you said she hurt herself. Did you ask her how? If she’d fallen in the playground and scrapped her knee or something that’s a totally appropriate response to cry as a 4/5 yr old and she definitely shouldn’t have been told by her teacher to stop. She’s still tiny. She should’ve been comforted and had a plaster or whatever but by no means should she have been told to stop crying. If it was the “fake cry” cos she didn’t get her own way that’s different, although I still don’t think being told to “stop crying” is an appropriate reaction. If she/he was a good teacher they would have ignored the crying and distracted her by doing something fun. It can be damaging to children to be told to stop having an appropriate emotional reaction to something. As a (slightly older) child if I ever cried I was always told to stop (when there was usually other things going on for me) by my parents. Consequently I learned never to cry in front of anyone, bottled up my emotions and developed severe depression. Being told to stop having an emotion you need to have whatever age a child is can be extremely damaging and lead to long-term problems. I would have a word with the teacher if I was you

It could be while consoling the child who is crying the Teachers say something along the lines of 'Come on now, stop crying all is ok & we can go & do xxxx' . it could be a distraction for those children who wail at the slightest thing, when there's really no need to cry. I'm sure if a child was hurt or upset the Teacher wouldn't tell them to stop crying & would comfort them. If your child ever says they were hurt or upset & the Teacher was angry with them then I'd definitely be having words with them.

Could it be that they say, "don't cry I can't hear what you have to say if you're crying?"