Teachers apparently telling reception children to ' stop crying '

[bapabear]

My DD hurt herself at school today.

I asked her if she was ok and whether she cried... she said ' no ', I then asked her if she cries often at school and she said ' no, I never cry because the teachers just tell us to stop crying '...

It's not a huge deal or anything and who knows what the context is that the teachers have told them to stop crying. But I don't know? Somehow it's a bit of a weird thing if true.

Is this normal ? I'm not going to make a fuss or anything but is that right ? Teachers just telling 4/5 year olds to ' stop crying ' ?

Are you literally basing this all on the word of a 4/5 year old?

@bapabear Now you've explained further it sounds even worse. That isn't being curious, that is called 'fishing', it's sounds like you're looking for something to complain about (and you have!) It must have been very confusing for your DD.

You've no idea whether your DD is telling the truth & if she is, the context. i can think of various scenarios where a teacher can say 'stop crying' which are not remotely as sinister as you're implying.

All what? The OP asked a question, she didn't say she was marching down there to complain.

I absolutely love her school and her teachers. I'm not trying to find something to complain about. But the fact that she said it, lead me to ask further questions. Why can't I ask my child questions ?

Ridiculous. I was just trying to get an understanding of what goes on. Not ' looking for something to complain about '.

Honestly, you can post anything on here and it just gets turned upside down. It's insane

Precisely, and then when she said, 'No' a second time, @bapabear asked her if other children cry?
We're talking about a bunch of 4/5yr old's here, I'd wager a guess at least 1 of them cries over something everyday??? Very bizarre.

But the fact that she said it, lead me to ask further questions. Why can't I ask my child questions ?

The fact that she said what exactly?
You can ask your dc questions but there's usually some logic to question asking and there's none here whatsoever.

You're not even answering my question - why are you bothering ? You're focusing on something you think is weird - well, I don't. I already explained my line of questioning.

Why don't you just move on ? You think I'm weird, you think how I speak to my child is weird, we get it- you're better. Just move away and let others answer the actual question. Stop derailing.

I said : did you cry today when you hurt yourself ?

She said : no.

I said : do you cry at school?

She said : no the teachers tell us to stop crying, so I don't cry.

I said: do other children cry ?

She said : not really, the teachers tell us to stop crying

The exchange went something like this. Fucking shoot me.

If that's what you want but it's rather extreme.

I wouldn't base it on this one thing. How is the school in general?

Kids should be told to be quiet if they're just doing it for a reaction. Being in control of your emotions is just as important as understanding them

Absolutely love the school ! absolutely adore the teachers!

I can't imagine them just telling them ' stop crying ! ' in a mean way. But equally just wanted to hear my DD out and was a little concerned with how she explained it.

Today, I told a reception child to stop crying. It was not a genuine cry but a forced cry because he wanted to go first.

I would not tell a genuinely distressed or hurt child to stop crying.

However, It's often the children who are good as gold that listen when their classmate is told not to do something, and think it applies to them. So I do worry that saying stop crying to a child complaining about being first might have an impact on the quiet sweet ones, and they could report home to parents exactly what your little one did.

@thesebeautifulthings A wonderful example of what might have occurred.

Thanks for your insight, that makes a lot of sense ! I think most parents will understand that sometimes it will be said, but it doesn't mean it's used in a nasty way.

It really depends on the situations tbh. Why are they crying, how long have they been crying, what else have I tried to calm them down.
Honestly, if i comforted every cry for an hour I wouldnt get anywhere in class. Kids cry for no reason sometimes. The last time i told a girl to stop crying she burst into tears because a boy made a face at her 🤷🏻‍♀️ i have no time or patience for nonsense like that 😄

There is definitely a distinction. A child who is hurt, upset, frightened or unwell should of course be comforted. But those who turn on the waterworks like a tap are really, really annoying, and adults in charge of them need to teach them to express themselves in a more appropriate way (using their words). And yes, that can sometimes appear harsh, but not teaching this is doing them a disservice.

I taught reception for a bit (grim).
I remember a girl who just cried every day, just always background crying and grizzling. Never in relation to anything. We all just had to move on and get on with teaching and doing teachers things. She was impossible to comfort or distract.

I've heard many teachers and TAs say this to children in school. It's pretty normal. I don't personally say it though, as it is harsh.

An experienced early years teacher can tell the difference between a genuine distressed cry and the type of crying that is just noise to get what they want. The latter will be gently told to stop crying and use words to express themselves.

It's funny, a thread the other day was something like 80% saying the OP was unreasonable for not liking her child's keyworkwr saying this at nursery. Now it's a teacher suddenly it's not on with the majority. I know it's different people but still quite interesting.

FWIW I don't think it's OK to tell children to stop crying. But I DO think some children need to learn to regulate and are very quick to use loud screaming in any uncomfortable situation.

Agree

It’s very different saying this to a 2 year old who has no other way to communicate vs a 5 year old who has a huge amount more understanding and awareness.

So telling the one that Doesn't know how to communicate to stop crying is more helpful? I find that really strange. You don't shout at a baby to stop crying...

No telling the child who does understand and can comprehend things like how to control their impulses and behaviour is helpful.

Obviously.

No one is saying it’s appropriate to tell a 2 year old to stop crying, hence most people being against it as in your own comment!

You’ve no idea of the context.

but to be honest if you’ve got 30 children in front of you I can imagine you need to maintain some semblance of discipline and order so perhaps children greeting a lot would require a teacher to ask them to stop. Same with tantrums, poor behaviour etc. They need to draw the line somewhere.

i don’t know though 🤷🏻‍♀️