Is that his normal? High sex drive of partner

[purpleChestnut]

Name change for this. Gentle please. I’m quite old school.

I’ve only ever been intimate with two men in my life. My ex husband - we were married 18 years. And a relationship following it that 6 months long.

I met someone around Christmas & we’ve had lots of really nice dates. Lots of chemistry and attraction. I’m in my mid 40’s and he in his early 50’s. Really excited to see him each time.

Thie past weekend I stayed over at his place.
When I got there (90 minute drive), he showed me the house, all the rooms, already made coffee and when he showed me his bedroom, he shut the door and we started kissing. He then had his hands all over my breasts and the next thing I know he had his hands in my knickers, undid my jeans and started stimulating my clit and tried to make me come . My thought was, I’ve barely been at your house for 5 minutes!

In the afternoon we took the dogs for a walk, and then we watched some sport, made dinner (and his 17 and 19 year old children - they are lovely!), and watched a movie. And then went upstairs. We had sex and it was as great but he is quite rough and hard. (I’m sore and feel bruised inside me, 3 days later)

The next morning I woke up with his hands on my knickers and soon inside me. We had sex again and it was great due to the attraction from both sides, but again, rougher and harder than I’ve ever had in my life.

Late the afternoon we sat downstairs on the sofa, just chilling and having a nice time. The next thing I know he took my hand and put it on his jeans, on his penis, wanting me to rub his penis. And then he had his hands inside my knickers again! I asked him to stop as we were in the kitchen and his teenagers could come in any moment, and he then wanted me to go upstairs.

That was the weekend. We speak and FaceTime most nights due to the distance. Last night he asked if he could come to my house this week Thursday, leaving his own teenagers on their own. And he mentioned that I would have to be quiet- straight away assuming that we will have sex ( of my children are a bit younger).

My period is due today or tomorrow.

My question is, are there men who are sexually charged like this? Could this be healthy?
Ive only been with two other people so I don’t feel I know. I don’t know if I’m being naive but is he watching way too much porn or raunchy movies?
I really like him quite a bit but I feel the relationship is too physical? Am I wrong? There needs to be a balance between emotional closeness, social closeness and physical closeness.
Not just all physical. I feel that if I’m on my period, he may all of a sudden not be interested to see me? Am I wrong?
I want sex all the time, or his hands inside my knickers all the time. But it seems he does?
I just can’t believe some men can be sexually charged like this?

You know, I'd go one step further IVbumble and say to walk away immediately from anyone who displays this behaviour.

OP you already know he's not vigilant about consent and is pushing your boundaries. This is who he is. He might back off for a bit but boundary pushers are gonna push boundaries.

Say no a few times and see his reaction. It's not unreasonable to not want sex when you could get caught. See if he thinks it is.

The fact that he’s behaving like this while his own teenage kids are nearby is very concerning.
Do not let him near your home.
Do not let him meet your kids.
You are not a sex doll.

I think op there's a few red flags here but equally I think it's really important that you speak up and advocate for your own wants and needs and put boundaries in place. How he reacts to that will be telling.

Personally i would be really uncomfortable with someone being so physical around their children and such quick introductions. I wouldn't be comfortable with any sexual activities where his kids could walk in at any minute and it is strange to me that he doesn't think about that. I know they're older but it could still be uncomfortable for them.

I also think he could be checking in with you that you're happy with what he's doing but at the same time, you need to be telling him if it's too much/ too rough

It’s more disturbing that he’s horny as hell teenagers floating around. Poor kids!!

Sorry but I’d be out of there. Sounds like a horny teenager just wanting non stop shagging and very little else in the way of an adult relationship.

The way he’s going about sex by shoving his hand in your knickers, getting you to grab his cock rather than kissing, proper considered foreplay with a build up sounds absolutely grim and all with his teens in the house 🤢

Honestly he sounds like he just wants a human blow up doll to just continually get his cock wet as often as possible. Where’s his consideration of your sexual wants and taking his time to understand what turns you on rather than non stop wham bam thank you m’am

Hopefully he uses condoms, you don't know how many previous partners he has, unless he's told you.

Yes. Him wanting to stay over at the OPs on a weekend when she has her kids instead of when they're at their dads made me wonder along these lines

It's grim as fuck but I bet he actually gets off on the fact that the children (his and yours) could overhear or walk in. It's terrifying.

Does he have daughters?

@purpleChestnut I might be wrong but I'm getting the feeling from a couple of things you've said/the way that you've said it, that you might be a bit more old fashioned than the average woman of your age when it comes to sex. If that's the case then I think that you should roll with that and look for a partner who's similar. Throw this one back; I think you might be ultimately incompatible.

To be bruised enough inside to feel sore must mean he was pounding away ferociously with no thoughts about you.

That horrified me. I'm all for very vigorous sex but not straight away with a new partner. I'd want to start off pretty vanilla and get to know each other physically first.

I'd feel like I was a masterbatory vessel if a new lover just pounded relentlessly that hard

He sounds gross, Trying to finger you in the kitchen with little regard that his teenagers could walk in at any moment.. charming!

He sounds like a bit of a creep to me, sorry OP. I’d be out of there. It’s perfectly normal to want a lot of sex early on but it’s a natural progression to it, not just shutting the door after five minutes and shoving his hand in your knickers 🤮 very romantic! It’s like he’s not even interested in you as a person and what you have to offer and you sound like a bit of a people pleaser and too scared to speak up? He probably senses that and is pushing your boundaries treating you like an object to satisfy HIS desires.

I wouldn’t bother with trying to make this one work. I’d dump and tell him why. I think he probably would have known from your body language that you weren’t keen but he was too focused on himself.

As another PP said, he’s treating you like a sex worker he’s hired for the weekend and he wants to get his moneys worth.

Penetrating you while you were still asleep is actually rape as you didn’t and couldn’t consent.

I think your abusive past and the fact you really seem to like this man is actually blinding you to the huge red flags he’s waving.

Please engage your brain and DO NOT let him come over and shag you while your kids are in the house. Tell him he’s only welcome when they’re at their dads - saying no and his reaction will tell you all you need to know but it sounds like he’s just interested in a warm body and getting his dick wet rather than a proper partner. And in his 50’s that’s pretty grim

And as others have said it is way too soon to be introducing him to your children. And it sounds like he doesn't give a shit about what his own kids might walk in on but don't make your kids listen to him roughly shag there mother all night. My mum used to do this when I was a child thinking it wouldn't wake me up,it did and it was gross. I don't talk to her now because of it.

It's only been 2 months, way too soon for him to meet your kids. Tell him you don't want him to meet your DC for at least 2 years, see how he reacts,

Oh god. Don’t

I saw an 'is this normal' thread on here a few years ago. I felt sick to my stomach when replies said it was child sex abuse. He was willing to implicate me in potential child SA. Let that sink in.

I never agreed, despite paying the price every time. I got the silent treatment, violence, shouting, intimidation etc. Imagine being abused because you don't want to have sex in front of his children........ He tried to shag me in front of his little girl in the garden one afternoon. Don't be bullied or coerced into any of this.

He might just be disrespectful at best. However, I would be wary of someone who wouldn't mind others catching him porking OP.

I hesitated to post this as people might think I'm over reacting. I wouldn't see him again. Whatever his motives, he doesn't respect OP or her agency over her body.

OP mine had sex with me while I was asleep. I woke up and screamed at him to get off. He said I was pretending to be asleep and wanted it. He then got very aggressive as I wouldn't let him finish raping me.

Many PPs are putting it much better than I can. But it sounds like too much to me. And more importantly, it’s more than you want.

Idk, the way he’s gone about it seems too boundary pushing and too regardless of your possible feelings to be with a conversation.

To be bruised and in pain after sex is not normal. Certainly wouldn’t make me look forward to sleeping with him again, which is how I’d want to feel with a new boyfriend

@LambriniBobInIsleworthISeesYa "you might be a bit more old fashioned than the average woman of your age when it comes to sex."

Yes- there does seem to be a trend for expecting women to put up with crap from men....

Reading your post made me feel massively uncomfortable. He has put his sex drive and needs before yours. I'd be out the door and away. When your menopause begins and afterwards, your vagina will be more delicate and less able to take a battering.

Yep. How ‘old fashioned’ to not want a hand shoved down her knickers as foreplay, to be treated like an on demand sex worker or porn star, to be sexually assaulted in her sleep, have her vagina battered or to be caught shagging by teenagers.

If that’s old fashioned then I’d say long live old fashioned values

This guy is fucking grim (at the very best) and it’s incredibly worrying op doesn’t seem to be acknowledging the vary many posts on here telling her so.

I'm going to go against the grain a little bit. I'm a woman and I enjoy rough sex. However if I was having sex with a new partner I would probably be tentatively testing the water to see what they liked too and checking in with them. I think if you're not enjoying it then you need to say because it might well be that he has no idea. And sex should be enjoyable for both of you. If I'd had sex multiple times a day (regardless of whether it was rough or not) I'd feel sore too.
I would absolutely not feel comfortable having sex with his kids around.

The litmus test will be how he reacts to you not wanting to have sex with him whilst you have your period. I think it's always best to have honest conversations about sex from the beginning and be on the same page. In my younger years I definitely went along with what guys liked and was trying to please them. But I'm older and wiser now and I won't do something I don't want to do and will be very clear about what I like because it's equally important.

I think it's great that you both have so much chemistry for each other. Nothing more exciting than a new relationship and wanting to tear each other's clothes off. But sex is one part of a relationship so see how he is when that's not on the agenda next time you meet up.

Not if she uses vaginal estrogen treatment.

Keeps it all plump and perky.