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Original poster

Is that his normal? High sex drive of partner

179 replies

purpleChestnut · 05/02/2025 07:49

Name change for this. Gentle please. I’m quite old school.

I’ve only ever been intimate with two men in my life. My ex husband - we were married 18 years. And a relationship following it that 6 months long.

I met someone around Christmas & we’ve had lots of really nice dates. Lots of chemistry and attraction. I’m in my mid 40’s and he in his early 50’s. Really excited to see him each time.

Thie past weekend I stayed over at his place.
When I got there (90 minute drive), he showed me the house, all the rooms, already made coffee and when he showed me his bedroom, he shut the door and we started kissing. He then had his hands all over my breasts and the next thing I know he had his hands in my knickers, undid my jeans and started stimulating my clit and tried to make me come . My thought was, I’ve barely been at your house for 5 minutes!

In the afternoon we took the dogs for a walk, and then we watched some sport, made dinner (and his 17 and 19 year old children - they are lovely!), and watched a movie. And then went upstairs. We had sex and it was as great but he is quite rough and hard. (I’m sore and feel bruised inside me, 3 days later)

The next morning I woke up with his hands on my knickers and soon inside me. We had sex again and it was great due to the attraction from both sides, but again, rougher and harder than I’ve ever had in my life.

Late the afternoon we sat downstairs on the sofa, just chilling and having a nice time. The next thing I know he took my hand and put it on his jeans, on his penis, wanting me to rub his penis. And then he had his hands inside my knickers again! I asked him to stop as we were in the kitchen and his teenagers could come in any moment, and he then wanted me to go upstairs.

That was the weekend. We speak and FaceTime most nights due to the distance. Last night he asked if he could come to my house this week Thursday, leaving his own teenagers on their own. And he mentioned that I would have to be quiet- straight away assuming that we will have sex ( of my children are a bit younger).

My period is due today or tomorrow.

My question is, are there men who are sexually charged like this? Could this be healthy?
Ive only been with two other people so I don’t feel I know. I don’t know if I’m being naive but is he watching way too much porn or raunchy movies?
I really like him quite a bit but I feel the relationship is too physical? Am I wrong? There needs to be a balance between emotional closeness, social closeness and physical closeness.
Not just all physical. I feel that if I’m on my period, he may all of a sudden not be interested to see me? Am I wrong?
I want sex all the time, or his hands inside my knickers all the time. But it seems he does?
I just can’t believe some men can be sexually charged like this?

OP posts:
deydododatdodontdeydo · 05/02/2025 08:49

I remember with an ex-BF we joked we hadn't got out of bed for the first month we met, but we were in our 20s then.
I think it's normal, yes, but should be from both sides too.

BobbyBiscuits · 05/02/2025 08:52

I'd be repulsed by someone so crudely trying it on. It happened once to me, I went round this blokes house, in the middle of the day. We were friends from a few years back and had never flirted. As soon as I got there he led me to the bedroom and lunged at me for sex. I pushed him away, and knew I'd never ever be able to date him!

Bubblyb00b · 05/02/2025 08:53

What he does is completely normal in the new relationship, sometimes you do feel desire for someone non stop - or maybe he simply has a high sex drive. In any case, it all sounds very healthy and normal to me.

However, he does not seem very mindful of how you're feeling - perhaps you did not tell him? You need to tell him you are sore, he is hurting you, he needs to go slower, you dont like risky situations, etc. He can't read your mind! Maybe his previous partner liked it this way, who knows? Talk to him.

CurlewKate · 05/02/2025 08:53

Dump. He's inconsiderate, he doesn't think about your needs at all, he doesn't care about consent and he hurt you. Why would you stay?

Don't forget to get an STD test.

SantasLargerHelper · 05/02/2025 08:55

Shows how different we all are really. I love sex and in the early stages of a relationship I'm horny all the time. So this wouldn't bother me really but it's bothering you and that's what's important.

Tiswa · 05/02/2025 08:57

Bubblyb00b · 05/02/2025 08:53

What he does is completely normal in the new relationship, sometimes you do feel desire for someone non stop - or maybe he simply has a high sex drive. In any case, it all sounds very healthy and normal to me.

However, he does not seem very mindful of how you're feeling - perhaps you did not tell him? You need to tell him you are sore, he is hurting you, he needs to go slower, you dont like risky situations, etc. He can't read your mind! Maybe his previous partner liked it this way, who knows? Talk to him.

Not when young children are around - keeping quiet is not good enough

it also sounds all a bit sordid - the start of a relationship should be much more I don’t know the word but how others are describing it not how the OP is

Bubblyb00b · 05/02/2025 08:58

All people are different. I was with someone once who really excited me, when we had a chance to be together we were at it all day. He acted in a similar way, and I liked it. It was exciting, we done it everywhere! And then I had another DP who was also great but only wanted sex in bed. Boring! ))

But we are all different, some are more conservative/ reserved than others - this has to be respected. Conversation is the key, OP, but if he ignores your wishes then yes, dump.

backpnceagain · 05/02/2025 08:58

You mention him saying you'll need to be quiet since your kids are younger. So were you having loud sex while his kids were in his house? Regardless of age nobody needs to be hearing that. Review boundaries and be clear about what you want and don't want.

Bubblyb00b · 05/02/2025 08:59

Yes, I agree - having sex with kids around/ within the earshot is a hard NO. really, really inappropriate.

TheSandgroper · 05/02/2025 09:00

FYI. Sex can often lead to cystitis and other forms of uti. You are being bruised, which isn’t good.

Read some Angela Kilmartin to keep yourself safe. angelakilmartin.com/#about

Sceptical123 · 05/02/2025 09:01

GiddyRobin · 05/02/2025 08:25

Some people are like this. DH and I are (married 10 years with 2 kids, me 35 and him 40); it's normal for us to have sex multiple times a day. However, neither of us force it and we're in tune with one another. If one of us said no, the other would stop.

He also doesn't hurt me. Rough sex done consensually is one thing, and I don't mind feeling a bit achy sometimes, but he's never ever caused me real pain. You need to sit down and tell him what you like and don't like as well as explaining a frequency that works for you. If he can't meet you in the middle then it isn't going to work, and it's selfish as fuck and abusive on his part.

I'd also tell him if you don't want period sex. Some people like it (I do, it helps cramps and I feel relaxed), others don't, but you need to set those boundaries. If he pushes them or expects servicing then again - abusive and selfish.

There's nothing inherently wrong with the frequency, but if he's hurting you and you feel pushed into doing it then you need to speak up. Then you'll know what kind of man he is.

With 2 young kids how do you fit sex multiple times a day in?

AltitudeCheck · 05/02/2025 09:01

Six weeks.... NOT a partner... just a man who feels he should have access to use you (roughly) whenever he wants to! Has he ever asked you what you like or how what he's doing feels?

He sounds very entitled and you sound quite passive in this... what about what you want? Do you like being pawed at and woken up to him touching you? Did you want to have sex with him when you went to his house or did you just go along with it?

He sounds like the kind of man who doesn't like to hear a 'No'... try it, say 'No... six weeks is far too soon for you to come to my house/ be around my kids'... 'No I don't want you to jump on me as soon as we are alone' and see how he reacts. Now is the time to assert yourself, before you end up feeling like you've left it too late or invested too much time. Be careful x

retreatingheadlights · 05/02/2025 09:03

Run.

GiddyRobin · 05/02/2025 09:08

Sceptical123 · 05/02/2025 09:01

With 2 young kids how do you fit sex multiple times a day in?

Show quote history

Morning, lunch time as we WFH, night time when they're in bed. Weekends if they go to visit friends. Annual leave days we take together and spend a day together.

We've always been the same.

Cardinalita90 · 05/02/2025 09:08

Not saying this to be rude OP but are you sure he wants YOU and not just a body to shag? Does he make you feel like he's genuinely interested in getting to know you or building a connection outside the physical? Do you have good dates? Or is it just bare minimum with sex as the end game?

Worth thinking about.

Sceptical123 · 05/02/2025 09:10

GiddyRobin · 05/02/2025 09:08

Morning, lunch time as we WFH, night time when they're in bed. Weekends if they go to visit friends. Annual leave days we take together and spend a day together.

We've always been the same.

Show quote history

WFH together would definitely help ☺️

GiddyRobin · 05/02/2025 09:11

Sceptical123 · 05/02/2025 09:10

WFH together would definitely help ☺️

Show quote history

It's definitely very useful haha! 😆 We're very lucky on that account.

MyDeftDuck · 05/02/2025 09:13

“I don’t want sex all the time, or his hands inside my knickers all the time".......then you need to tell him!
There does not appear to be any tenderness, foreplay or consideration on his part in you two having sex. The way I see this is that he just needs to get his rocks off and he has no regard to your pleasure whatsoever! He is a brute! Please find the opportunity to discuss this with him - if he walks away, too bad on him but you will be well rid of him tbh.

Imbusytodaysorry · 05/02/2025 09:15

purpleChestnut · 05/02/2025 07:49

Name change for this. Gentle please. I’m quite old school.

I’ve only ever been intimate with two men in my life. My ex husband - we were married 18 years. And a relationship following it that 6 months long.

I met someone around Christmas & we’ve had lots of really nice dates. Lots of chemistry and attraction. I’m in my mid 40’s and he in his early 50’s. Really excited to see him each time.

Thie past weekend I stayed over at his place.
When I got there (90 minute drive), he showed me the house, all the rooms, already made coffee and when he showed me his bedroom, he shut the door and we started kissing. He then had his hands all over my breasts and the next thing I know he had his hands in my knickers, undid my jeans and started stimulating my clit and tried to make me come . My thought was, I’ve barely been at your house for 5 minutes!

In the afternoon we took the dogs for a walk, and then we watched some sport, made dinner (and his 17 and 19 year old children - they are lovely!), and watched a movie. And then went upstairs. We had sex and it was as great but he is quite rough and hard. (I’m sore and feel bruised inside me, 3 days later)

The next morning I woke up with his hands on my knickers and soon inside me. We had sex again and it was great due to the attraction from both sides, but again, rougher and harder than I’ve ever had in my life.

Late the afternoon we sat downstairs on the sofa, just chilling and having a nice time. The next thing I know he took my hand and put it on his jeans, on his penis, wanting me to rub his penis. And then he had his hands inside my knickers again! I asked him to stop as we were in the kitchen and his teenagers could come in any moment, and he then wanted me to go upstairs.

That was the weekend. We speak and FaceTime most nights due to the distance. Last night he asked if he could come to my house this week Thursday, leaving his own teenagers on their own. And he mentioned that I would have to be quiet- straight away assuming that we will have sex ( of my children are a bit younger).

My period is due today or tomorrow.

My question is, are there men who are sexually charged like this? Could this be healthy?
Ive only been with two other people so I don’t feel I know. I don’t know if I’m being naive but is he watching way too much porn or raunchy movies?
I really like him quite a bit but I feel the relationship is too physical? Am I wrong? There needs to be a balance between emotional closeness, social closeness and physical closeness.
Not just all physical. I feel that if I’m on my period, he may all of a sudden not be interested to see me? Am I wrong?
I want sex all the time, or his hands inside my knickers all the time. But it seems he does?
I just can’t believe some men can be sexually charged like this?

Yes it’s natural , he could just be really into you .
What’s not normal is you aren’t communicating.
Sex is a two way street. Speak up now .
Say No say slow down, say go slower or softer.
You can steer his hand off you too.

Were you use to the men being in charge , leasing when you had sex before ?
Have you ever imitated sex ?

Do you want him to visit this week ?
Say to him “oh that would be lovely but no sex for you /us sorry as I am on my period . Then you will see if he is after something more than “just sex”

How long have you been dating ?

VoodooRajin · 05/02/2025 09:16

So you've just met his kids, and he shags you upstairs ?

XiCi · 05/02/2025 09:16

Its not about having a high sex drive though is it, its the type of sex and the behaviour leading to it that is worrying. He sounds fucking awful. If you like sex so rough you leave your partner with internal bruising for days then this is something that should be discussed beforehand, preference wise. He didn't check you liked that, just went full steam ahead. I'm sure he can tell that you are not liking him grope you all the time as well. It will be pretty obvious. He's testing your boundaries and IMO is likely to physically hurt you more as time goes on. That's just my feeling. I also think you are absolutely crazy to have him around your children after a few weeks given the red flags that are already apparent.

JimHalpertsWife · 05/02/2025 09:17

Why are you inviting a male stranger into the home where your dc are currently sleeping? That's so wrong.

LoafofSellotape · 05/02/2025 09:18

The fact he started having sex with you while you were ASLEEP should be a huge red flag.

He doesn't sound safe to be around and as a pp said he sounds like a boundary pusher.

Be very careful OP.

BlueMum16 · 05/02/2025 09:19

purpleChestnut · 05/02/2025 07:56

I noticed the bruising and soreness the next morning.

Show quote history

You've had sex 3 times in less than 24 hours. No wonder you are sore.

Speak up if you are not enjoying sex or don't want it as much.

You might not be compatible. Doesn't mean he's wrong (unless you are not consenting).

Use your words.

Agree with all other replies that meeting children is just too soon.

Bumcake · 05/02/2025 09:22

Why so much unnecessary detail? All you had to say was that he initiates sex more often than you would like.

You've been seeing him six weeks and you’re not compatible, either talk to him about it or move on.