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Original poster

Is that his normal? High sex drive of partner

179 replies

purpleChestnut · 05/02/2025 07:49

Name change for this. Gentle please. I’m quite old school.

I’ve only ever been intimate with two men in my life. My ex husband - we were married 18 years. And a relationship following it that 6 months long.

I met someone around Christmas & we’ve had lots of really nice dates. Lots of chemistry and attraction. I’m in my mid 40’s and he in his early 50’s. Really excited to see him each time.

Thie past weekend I stayed over at his place.
When I got there (90 minute drive), he showed me the house, all the rooms, already made coffee and when he showed me his bedroom, he shut the door and we started kissing. He then had his hands all over my breasts and the next thing I know he had his hands in my knickers, undid my jeans and started stimulating my clit and tried to make me come . My thought was, I’ve barely been at your house for 5 minutes!

In the afternoon we took the dogs for a walk, and then we watched some sport, made dinner (and his 17 and 19 year old children - they are lovely!), and watched a movie. And then went upstairs. We had sex and it was as great but he is quite rough and hard. (I’m sore and feel bruised inside me, 3 days later)

The next morning I woke up with his hands on my knickers and soon inside me. We had sex again and it was great due to the attraction from both sides, but again, rougher and harder than I’ve ever had in my life.

Late the afternoon we sat downstairs on the sofa, just chilling and having a nice time. The next thing I know he took my hand and put it on his jeans, on his penis, wanting me to rub his penis. And then he had his hands inside my knickers again! I asked him to stop as we were in the kitchen and his teenagers could come in any moment, and he then wanted me to go upstairs.

That was the weekend. We speak and FaceTime most nights due to the distance. Last night he asked if he could come to my house this week Thursday, leaving his own teenagers on their own. And he mentioned that I would have to be quiet- straight away assuming that we will have sex ( of my children are a bit younger).

My period is due today or tomorrow.

My question is, are there men who are sexually charged like this? Could this be healthy?
Ive only been with two other people so I don’t feel I know. I don’t know if I’m being naive but is he watching way too much porn or raunchy movies?
I really like him quite a bit but I feel the relationship is too physical? Am I wrong? There needs to be a balance between emotional closeness, social closeness and physical closeness.
Not just all physical. I feel that if I’m on my period, he may all of a sudden not be interested to see me? Am I wrong?
I want sex all the time, or his hands inside my knickers all the time. But it seems he does?
I just can’t believe some men can be sexually charged like this?

OP posts:
Mischance · 05/02/2025 09:22

I really like him quite a bit - to the point where you are willing for him to cause you pain and hurt?

This is not the right man for you. You feel unable to communicate with him and he has no consideration for you or both your families.

Please stop this.

YourWinter · 05/02/2025 09:23

I was married to a highly charged sex pest. I’m glad I’m single now, and I will never ever be made to feel like a blow-up toy.

Lovemusic82 · 05/02/2025 09:23

Having a new man over when your kids are in the house 😬….why would you do this?

I’ve been single on and off for 10 years, I don’t bring men back to my house for sex whilst my kids are home, I don’t introduce men to my dc unless I’ve been seeing them a while and it’s serious.

It sounds like all he cares about is getting sex and doesn’t care about your feelings or how rough he’s being with you?

Tell him your on your period and I bet his reaction will tell you all you need to know.

Lyn348 · 05/02/2025 09:25

Ick he sounds like a sex pest constantly pawing at you. None of it sounds normal to me, it just sounds grim. Starting sex when you're asleep is particularly wrong.

housethatbuiltme · 05/02/2025 09:26

The next morning I woke up with his hands on my knickers and soon inside me. We had sex again and it was great due to the attraction from both sides, but again, rougher and harder than I’ve ever had in my life.

(I’m sore and feel bruised inside me, 3 days later)

Honestly this sounds horrific and a touch rape-y.

As for 'porn', this description would be at risk of flagging up warnings and possibly even get banned on legit legal porn sites under protection and consent laws (they legally have to take anything to do with touching or initiating while someone is asleep or unconscious very seriously) so that might be something to think about.

mewkins · 05/02/2025 09:27

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Same here. OP, you've been in a marriage for years where your needs were pushed aside. You've walked into another one. If I had to put money on this, when you try to put boundaries in place he will go cold on you/sulk/ try to trample all over them using the excuse that he's just being romantic.

AwaitingFreedom · 05/02/2025 09:27

The next morning I woke up with his hands on my knickers and soon inside me.

So you woke up to him intimately pawing at you? That's sexual assault as you were not awake and couldn't consent. What do you think would have happened if you hadn't woken up?

Coconutter24 · 05/02/2025 09:29

purpleChestnut · 05/02/2025 08:03

This was a typo. I should’ve read, “I don’t want sex all the time, or his hands inside my knickers all the time

Show quote history

I thought it was. Then you have every right to say no! If he gets arse on or sulky then he’s not the man for you. You shouldn’t go along with it when you don’t want to and the right man won’t make you feel like you have to. It’s not uncommon that when in a long distance relationship the time people have together they can’t keep their hands off one another and make the most of it but if that’s not what you want you have to say. If you don’t and just do it he might think that’s what you want

Fluffydolittle · 05/02/2025 09:30

Either he is just crazy passionate or he’s lovebombing you with sex. Me and my narc would do it about 7 times a day in the beginning, real fun 😂

housethatbuiltme · 05/02/2025 09:31

SantasLargerHelper · 05/02/2025 08:55

Shows how different we all are really. I love sex and in the early stages of a relationship I'm horny all the time. So this wouldn't bother me really but it's bothering you and that's what's important.

Someone going so hard and rough you are in physical pain 3 days later you would 'love'?

I mean some people have to be masochist I guess but it certainly not the average norm and OP doesn't inherently seem to be one.

Wemaybebetterstrangers · 05/02/2025 09:31

I liked it to begin with, but as we spent longer together, I began to feel like a prop in his one man porn fuelled sex fantasy.

From another poster but sounds just like your boyfriend OP. It’s all very grim.

Yes as other people have said you could ‘communicate’ how he is making you feel and how you don’t like it and please could he stop behaving like a unneutered dog - he may even pretend to listen / care. But sorry no, with his and your children about too? He’s repulsive. I’m sure you can do much better and deserve much better.

ps. The bit you described where ‘..he had his hands in my knickers, undid my jeans and started stimulating my clit and tried to make me come’ sounds exactly like an experience I had with a boy when we were both about 16. I remember it clearly because it was the opposite of stimulating.

Moro93 · 05/02/2025 09:31

The soreness and bruising could be a mix of him being rough and the frequent sex if you’re not used to it. I get sore and tender if I have sex multiple times in a couple of days even if my DH isn’t rough.

Did you actually say to him that you wanted him to be a bit more gentle? Or that you didn’t want to have sex so much? If you did and he still kept trying/groping you then that’s a red flag and I’d end it. Otherwise he might think you’re on the same page.

I think if he was watching a lot of porn etc he wouldn’t have as high of a sex drive. Most of the time men who have porn addictions struggle to maintain an erection because they masturbate so much.

It’s normal to want to have sex a lot during the ‘honeymoon period’ at the beginning, so it’s hard to say if this is the way he would be on a long term basis. Again, some people have higher sex drives than others which can make couples incompatible.

However, the thing where his teenagers could just walk in is gross…

soarklyknobs · 05/02/2025 09:31

Sooooo many red flags here.

You only met this guy a month or so ago and he's introduced you to his DC and had sex with you multiple times whilst they're in the near vicinity, and of the age where they'll know exactly what's going on; doesn't this gross you out just a little bit?

How many woman has he introduced his children to?

Does he have full custody of his DC, or does he see them EOW and spend his contact time fucking relative strangers metres away from his kids?

And in the reverse, he's inviting himself to your house with your young DC, and planning to have sex with you while they're there. Is this a kink of his "must have sex in earshot of children?"

Obviously, any parent who wants a sex life does so in the same house as their (usually sleeping or heavily distracted) DC, However, you barely know this man, he bruised you internally by being so rough with you, and he wants to come to your home where your kids are?

You should be waiting six months to a year before introducing a new partner to your DC and if that inevitably reduces the amount of time you have sex, so be it. Put the safety of your DC first.

Have you had a Sarah's Law or Claire's Law report on this man? What do you really know about him.

Sooo many questions as to why you think having this man around your DC would be a good idea.

XiCi · 05/02/2025 09:34

The next thing I know he took my hand and put it on his jeans, on his penis, wanting me to rub his penis. And then he had his hands inside my knickers again! I asked him to stop as we were in the kitchen and his teenagers could come in any moment, and he then wanted me to go upstairs
Did you not feel it was a bit off, all this going on with his children around, children you're meeting for the first time? Sounds like he didn't give a fuck that they might walk in on you (or hear you) at any time. And he wants to expose your younger children to this next week? Why would you consider this?

MaryGreenhill · 05/02/2025 09:34

He sounds absolutely awful like he's using you

rainbowstardrops · 05/02/2025 09:34

You need to communicate with him. The situation you have described wouldn't be for me to be honest but we're all different. You definitely should have said at the time that he was being too rough.

heyhopotato · 05/02/2025 09:48

you are being treated like a human sex toy.

PoltergeistsStartLowKey · 05/02/2025 09:48

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

I agree with this.

It's all about the cock and nothing about the heart.

Christmassoxs · 05/02/2025 09:50

He can go and fuck himself. You deserve so much better, this would drive me mad being groped and grabbed, hurt and feeling like a play thing.
He sounds gross like a dirty mongrel sniffing around for the next hump.👊

Nationsss · 05/02/2025 09:51

He has treated you like a hooker he booked for the weekend.

5 minutes after you arrived, and you are sore as he is rough.

Dear god you need to step back from men if you have accepted this.

He sounds like a pig that thinks you are meat.

Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk asap and dump him.

You need to keep yourself safe.

Daleksatemyshed · 05/02/2025 09:53

He's making a lot of assumptions Op rather than asking and you're not saying anything so he'll thinks it's OK. If you can't say No or tell him he's hurting you then you're not over your abusive relationship. I'd dial this back and find your voice, don't be afraid of saying what you want

OnlyThickBeans · 05/02/2025 09:55

I’m not convinced this is a genuine post - reads like erotica 🤣

LooksThroughaGlass · 05/02/2025 09:57

Does he have a large house with soundproofed walls?

What struck me was the energetic sex with 2 teens in the house at the same time. I'd have been mortified if they could hear.

Does he regularly bring women to his house?

Did you meet online? Assuming yes as you live 90 mins away from each other.

I think some men think that women like this full-on sex. Or it's their way of saying 'Look I can do this!' ( as a slightly older man.) A silly way of trying to impress.

Whatever the answers to the above, you need to talk to him. It's one thing being enthusiastic, it's another doing things you don't like or don't want.

LooksThroughaGlass · 05/02/2025 09:57

OnlyThickBeans · 05/02/2025 09:55

I’m not convinced this is a genuine post - reads like erotica 🤣

Bad erotica.
I think it's genuine.

WoolySnail · 05/02/2025 09:59

I'm not sure if its just how you’ve phrased it but he almost sounds like a randy teenager! No finesse or class. Shoves his hands down your knickers, grabs you for sex etc.
It's usual in the honeymoon phase to be up for it a lot, but how he's going about it is off. You need to speak up, and if he doesn't like it you know you've found another potentially abusive partner. And please don't let him in your home and near your children. Just because he's fine to do that with his children doesn't mean you should be.