Is that his normal? High sex drive of partner

[purpleChestnut]

Name change for this. Gentle please. I’m quite old school.

I’ve only ever been intimate with two men in my life. My ex husband - we were married 18 years. And a relationship following it that 6 months long.

I met someone around Christmas & we’ve had lots of really nice dates. Lots of chemistry and attraction. I’m in my mid 40’s and he in his early 50’s. Really excited to see him each time.

Thie past weekend I stayed over at his place.
When I got there (90 minute drive), he showed me the house, all the rooms, already made coffee and when he showed me his bedroom, he shut the door and we started kissing. He then had his hands all over my breasts and the next thing I know he had his hands in my knickers, undid my jeans and started stimulating my clit and tried to make me come . My thought was, I’ve barely been at your house for 5 minutes!

In the afternoon we took the dogs for a walk, and then we watched some sport, made dinner (and his 17 and 19 year old children - they are lovely!), and watched a movie. And then went upstairs. We had sex and it was as great but he is quite rough and hard. (I’m sore and feel bruised inside me, 3 days later)

The next morning I woke up with his hands on my knickers and soon inside me. We had sex again and it was great due to the attraction from both sides, but again, rougher and harder than I’ve ever had in my life.

Late the afternoon we sat downstairs on the sofa, just chilling and having a nice time. The next thing I know he took my hand and put it on his jeans, on his penis, wanting me to rub his penis. And then he had his hands inside my knickers again! I asked him to stop as we were in the kitchen and his teenagers could come in any moment, and he then wanted me to go upstairs.

That was the weekend. We speak and FaceTime most nights due to the distance. Last night he asked if he could come to my house this week Thursday, leaving his own teenagers on their own. And he mentioned that I would have to be quiet- straight away assuming that we will have sex ( of my children are a bit younger).

My period is due today or tomorrow.

My question is, are there men who are sexually charged like this? Could this be healthy?
Ive only been with two other people so I don’t feel I know. I don’t know if I’m being naive but is he watching way too much porn or raunchy movies?
I really like him quite a bit but I feel the relationship is too physical? Am I wrong? There needs to be a balance between emotional closeness, social closeness and physical closeness.
Not just all physical. I feel that if I’m on my period, he may all of a sudden not be interested to see me? Am I wrong?
I want sex all the time, or his hands inside my knickers all the time. But it seems he does?
I just can’t believe some men can be sexually charged like this?

Reading this made me want to never have sex again.

That's worse - they don't go to bed early and tend to be all ears if they're not plugged in to devices!

A man who invites a virtual stranger over and shags them in the house whilst his teenage children are there, is morally reprehensible.

This is before he started behaving like a sex pest.

If this is real, you need to throw this one back.

He sounds immature and either not interested or unable to properly work on a connection. Caring about consent matters and so many older men seem oblivious, I'm in my 50s and got off the apps due to what men were simply saying! 'Me too' and consent seems to have passed these dinosaurs by. Obsessing over sex and turning the woman into an object is a way to avoid getting hurt. Everything you describe is him tuning into himself and not caring about how you felt; and the lack of respect regarding both you and his children in the kitchen. Aren't you already bored to be telling a grown man how to act around his kids. My advice: walk away (whatever the fun, the fundamentals are missing). Find someone who cares.

Morally reprehensible for having sex with someone he’s been on “lots of really nice dates” with, in his own home? What absolute rubbish.

With his teenage children present!!

Made me laugh out loud!! It would be fine if I was 17 again but somehow now… 😆😆

They’re both over 16, and presumably understand that their father is sexually active. Sure, it was a bit daft to fool around in the kitchen, but that hardly makes him a sex pest.

This. And it's especially worse as he was fully prepared to engage in sexual activity in a public part of the house where his children could have heard and/or walked in at any time. Come on OP, you deserve better than this.

You have been left bruised and in pain by this man. And this will be him on his best behaviour with the relationship being so new. I dread to think what he will be like in 6 months or a year down the line.

They aren't both over 16 (one is 15) and also being over 16 doesn't mean you want Dad's new GF over to shag upstairs.

This in particular from the OP was alarming

The next thing I know he took my hand and put it on his jeans, on his penis, wanting me to rub his penis. And then he had his hands inside my knickers again! I asked him to stop as we were in the kitchen and his teenagers could come in any moment

Sounds like he has boundary issues with GF's and his kids!!!

As other posters have said, you need to put serious boundaries in place.

FWIW, I think he's watched too much porn and has no idea how much of a turn off, rough sex can be for a woman.

Be frank and clear with him. You don't like being shown in the bedroom with his hands in your vagina 5 minutes after you arrive. He's not an animal and shouldn't behave like one. Not on.

Don't be afraid to voice your feelings loud and clear. Sex is an intimate act you need to enjoy if the relationship has a minimum chance of surviving.
Either he behaves like a caring man in the bedroom, or you run.

"They’re both over 16, and presumably understand that their father is sexually active. Sure, it was a bit daft to fool around in the kitchen, but that hardly makes him a sex pest."

@MemorableTrenchcoat "fool around"? He had his hands inside her knickers and was putting her hand on his penis in the kitchen. That is not fooling around, it is dangerous exhibitionism around a child. God I dread to think what those children will have been exposed to with him as their father.

Are you the sex pest man?

He isn’t being considerate. Tell him you don’t like rough sex, who wants to feel bruised afterwards?
I wouldn’t like hands on me before I have woken up - unless we had discussed this beforehand and it was agreed by both.
I would not have sex in the house if there was any possibility of teens hearing me. They must pop out to the cinema etc? Gross.

do you enjoy the sex. Does he pleasure you?

They’re described as being 17 and 19.

No.

Exactly! This isn't a nice guy at all. To him, sex is all about filling his own needs - your desires don't count. He doesn't care about shocking and horrifying his own children. He doesn't care whether you're hurt. In your situation I wouldn't see him again.

Well, it does make him a sex pest. She wasn't willing and his children could walk in on them. What more do you want?

You are quite right - not sure where I got 15 from.

Although my other points stand. It's just not nice for a parent to invite a new partner round for a shag! I'd have hated that aged 15 or aged 19!!

"They’re described as being 17 and 19."

@MemorableTrenchcoat I'm 37 and I would be disgusted and upset if I walked into my kitchen and saw one of my parents performing a sex act on their partner. Sexual boundaries exist for a reason. What is wrong with you?

Here's a useful video about consent.

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How he reacts to you putting in healthy boundaries will help you reassess whether it's worth continuing.

This. Do not let this fly under the radar.

I had one of these. He'd try to engineer situations where we could get caught (including by his children, aged 14 and 2). Eventually he started to get nasty when I refused. He shoved me off the couch once for refusing sex in the living room while his teenage daughter was upstairs.

It was many years later through a Mumsnet post that I realised the whole point was to get caught. He would never go to the bedroom if I suggested it. He only wanted the risky location. Who wants their kids to catch them having sex? Most people don't but some people do. Your boyfriend is perfectly ok with his young adult children seeing him shagging his girlfriend.

For anyone with a man like this who has younger children, please walk away. Exposing children to adult behaviours and conversations is also categorised as sexual abuse. Men like this implicate you in the same behaviours they want to indulge. In fact, walk away from anyone pushing boundaries like this. It's an early red flag for a potential abuser.

If you'd told me this at the time I'd have thought you were nuts. I didn't see it because his disgusting agenda never crossed my normal mind.

There seems to be a back of consent let alone enthusiastic consent.

Is he checking what he's doing is wanted?

OP this sounds really alarming. Sounds like he’s not even considered what you want.