To complain about the amount of bereavement leave a colleagues has been given

[Justgoogleitlater]

To preface, this is not about my colleague who I really like and I feel truly horrendous for her that she's lost her Mum. By all means, they should do what they need to for them and why not take this if its being offered. My issue is with the management who have approved it.

The problem is we are a very small team and she has been off for a month. She is now about to come back but has an agreed phased return in place that will last another month and the rest of us in the team are having to cover an awful lot that we simply don't have the capacity for. We have a lot of responsibilities that, from upper management, all need to be prioritised so everyone is now having to squeeze in a lot more to accommodate this colleague's leave and it has been incredibly difficult. Several staff have acrewed significant TOIL which my manager will not approve for them to take back yet because we are so short staffed.

The policy clearly states that bereavement leave can be offered for 3 days. Whilst I know this leave can be extended at the manager's discretion, what has been approved feels so excessive and with no consideration to the impact having so much leave has on the rest of us.
I have worked in the NHS a long time and never known anything like this amount of bereavement leave being approved. The most I have seen a manager approve before is 2 weeks and no phased return. And before anyone says, I know it is being recorded as bereavement leave and not sick leave because part of my responsibility is to log it on ESR as a proxy for our manager.

WIBU to go above my manager and complain about the decision to approve this.

It will reflect really badly on you if you complain about this. If your colleague is incapacitated with grief, there is no point her being in work.

Ask for leniency in deadlines to ease the pressure and request other support for workload.

Yes, I wouldn't assume that if someone was off with bereavement for a month it is necessarily about the emotional toll of the grief.

When my mum died I was sad and had panic attacks but I didn't have any children or pets and I could have a panic attack, be a bit late for work, make it through the day... I could keep working. And I didn't need to sort out anything of Mum's- my father did all that.

When my Dad died I actually felt far less poleaxed by grief, he was older and I was older and I had a family by then. BUT I had to take 9 weeks off! Because he had a very complicated living arrangement with some tenants and lodgers in a house who all had to be legally properly evicted, and one was living onsite for free and taking care of three horses and there was a small livery business that was in disarray and I had to work out how to pay four people and and and.... And rents were due and it turned out there was a lot he hadn't done. I was an executor who was also suddenly running a business and trying to.go through a legal process to get myself officially made owner of the business. And I couldn't get out of doing any of it, or people and animals would have suffered.

@FatAgain Exactly the same. I was an absolute mess. And still not right for a year after that, though I'd argue with anyone that I was. There's no time limit on grief, especially if the death of a loved one has been sudden and unexpected. 💐

@Justgoogleitlater
I think your focus should be on understaffing and your subsequent extra workload, not your poor colleague. Who gives extra leave and why is none of your concern. I bet she'd feel really overjoyed that someone who says they like her, is being like this behind her back, at one of the worst times of her life!
Have some compassion and thought?

If the shoe was on the other foot, you would be grateful to have such an understanding manager. Leave it.

You are very unreasonable. Even if it is bereavement leave (I think it will be sick leave recorded as bereavement) if she hadn't been granted that she would have gone on sick leave - would that have been ok with you?

Please don't take this out on your colleague when it's already a tough time for her.

Your mum can be a big loss. The centre poll in your extended family.

Wow!

I see compassion isn’t your strong point!

Isn’t it weird that we are all individuals and deal with loss and grief in different ways. You don’t get a medal for the amount of days you have off.

Do you really think that 3 days would be enough time off work for someone losing a parent. I don't.
Nevermind the likely huge emotional distress they are in, there are a lot of practical things that need to be done when someone dies, that take time.
Your manager should manage and help you and your team to cope whilst the colleague is off but that is not their problem.

When my parents died the teams rallied around to support me and I have done the same back - it’s why we are a team. Sometimes it may be a few days, sometimes it may be a few weeks. Yes, I had to work later and lose my free time but when there are these situations you do what you can to help others. It’s a month not a year. We may have moaned to ourselves but absolutely never about the colleague(s) in question. It didn’t even cross our mind.

I’m glad I don’t work with you.

You are complaining about the wrong thing. If your team is this unable to cope with one person being off then your issue is with management and workload.

Do you really think that 3 days would be enough time off work for someone losing a parent. I don't.

Maybe not, but 2 months?

I appreciate you being snowed under with extra work but as others have said, you need to ask for cover or additional support.

I was on maternity leave when my mum died but when my dad died, I was working in a school and the headteacher gave me TWO days paid bereavement leave! One day to meet with the celebrant and the other for the actual day of the funeral! Be grateful that you have understanding management!

Complain about the workload, staffing levels and about the manager's practice of allowing large amounts of toil being accrued which presumably will cause another issue further down the line when people start taking their time back. Suggest they take on a temp to help with the backlog or that management need to adjust their expectations of what is achievable with the staff available in the timeframe available. Leave the bereavement issue out though.

We can have up to 5 days if a close family member dies. That’s supposed to be for organising and attending a funeral.

If someone has been affected to the point they’ve been off for a month so far with more to come, it should be sick leave imo.

Totally agree my dh lost his mum recently, he took 1 week off, his sister took 6 weeks off, his brother went off the radar for 6months. Everyone deals with grief differently.

my mum and I are extremely close, she is the only parent I have had(my father died when I was 4) we speak on the phone every day, she’s just amazing. I couldn’t imaging only taking a few days off when the inevitable happens.

The problem with that, though I see how it might be necessary for employers, is that it implies that natural grieving is an illness, rather than a healthy response.

And just what the hell has this persons leave (bereavement or otherwise) got to do with YOU?
Whatever decisions your management team make, thats on them. Its got FUCK ALL to do with YOU.

Did you not read the OP? She and her other colleagues are being expected to pick up the slack.

You don't know what state she's in or whether she's fit for work. Every person and every death is different. It's good that people are treated as individuals with compassion and I'm sure she'll be glad to get back to work when she feels ready.

Generous paid leave in the NHS can be detrimental to the other staff. You could try raising the issue via a Health and safety stress at work risk assessment, so focus on management expecting you to cover colleagues work without guidance to what work can be left

Have some compassion. If your team is under so much pressure when one person takes extended time off then you have a staffing problem.
I was WFH for 6 weeks before my DM died to spend time with her. My work sent me to her bedside and told me not to worry about it but I worked at bit. After she died I wasn’t working at all for about 4 weeks then back again but with a lot of leeway.
some people aren’t even buried in 2 weeks.

The death of a close relative can be devastating. My Ddad was suicidal, my DSis was broken and Inhad to deal with their grief’s as well as my own and All the practicalities of someone’s death.

so yes, YABU. Massively so. Perhaps one day you’ll truly understand, and someone will show you the compassion your workplace are showing now.

Have you ever been experienced a big loss like this? I imagine not from your post.

Bereavement can be hugely complex. For me the loss of a parent brought up all kinds of other issues, including finding out information about possible health implications for me. It’s often not just the loss itself (and that’s hard enough) but a whole heap of other things. You might be just about coping with everything going on in your personal life and then the bereavement proves one too many life stressors to cope with.

YABVU to judge her for NEEDING this time. Your managers will be working closely with her to make sure she can return in a sustainable way. It’s attitudes like yours that lead to people burning themselves out and going off for longer.

The workload is a separate issue. It flags up that the service is under resourced if it can’t cope with one team member being off. Your managers need to help you all to prioritise as a team to ensure the minimum standard of care and fill in Datix or risk register around the gaps.

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