To complain about the amount of bereavement leave a colleagues has been given

[Justgoogleitlater]

To preface, this is not about my colleague who I really like and I feel truly horrendous for her that she's lost her Mum. By all means, they should do what they need to for them and why not take this if its being offered. My issue is with the management who have approved it.

The problem is we are a very small team and she has been off for a month. She is now about to come back but has an agreed phased return in place that will last another month and the rest of us in the team are having to cover an awful lot that we simply don't have the capacity for. We have a lot of responsibilities that, from upper management, all need to be prioritised so everyone is now having to squeeze in a lot more to accommodate this colleague's leave and it has been incredibly difficult. Several staff have acrewed significant TOIL which my manager will not approve for them to take back yet because we are so short staffed.

The policy clearly states that bereavement leave can be offered for 3 days. Whilst I know this leave can be extended at the manager's discretion, what has been approved feels so excessive and with no consideration to the impact having so much leave has on the rest of us.
I have worked in the NHS a long time and never known anything like this amount of bereavement leave being approved. The most I have seen a manager approve before is 2 weeks and no phased return. And before anyone says, I know it is being recorded as bereavement leave and not sick leave because part of my responsibility is to log it on ESR as a proxy for our manager.

WIBU to go above my manager and complain about the decision to approve this.

While I do empathise having been in your position last year and having to cover for a colleague for over a month, do not embarrass yourself by doing that.

Let’s hope your mum will be ok while you work. How selfish of you

Different for everyone I guess

Don’t be a b**ch about someone else’s bereavement leave - it’s really none of your business.

But DO complain about the managing of work within your department in your colleague’s absence.

Isn't it good to keep busy

Due to this thread I'm beginning to realise there are some hard hearted, emotional vacuums out there!
No, people don't "wallow" in grief, yes, it does and can help to stay at home whilst grieving.
I can imagine if you didn't have such a good relationship with a parent, but not everyone is like that.
I was close to my mum and devastated when she suddenly passed away and I found her dead. I had that to deal with mentally, along with my grief. I went back to work too soon and ended up having 6 months off sick, a year down the line, due to a near break down over it.
So no, we're not all the same. I'm so happy for those of you that have no idea about parental bereavement. Think yourselves lucky.

YABU you have no idea what is really going on, plus your team staffing issues are no one but your managements problem.

i have a friend who has been off so far over a month after a parent died, combination of bereavement and sick, she’s not going back for another few weeks and will be a phased return, her manager has said to her that she’d rather take her time going back ( team is short staffed and struggling) as if she goes back in her current frame of mind she will likely be signed off again in a matter of days or weeks. Her manager needs her back at full capacity or there is no point. I also think the manager is making a point to higher ups that the team is completely understaffed. My friend feels bad for her colleagues holding things together but she’s also trying to hold things together for herself.

This thread has become a competition to see how little time people have taken off for a parents death.

'I only took a day off'
'I took half a day'
'Well I actually worked an extra day when my dad died'

EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT AND IT'S NOT A COMPETITION 🙄

OP hasn't been back since she posted this thread this morning. (Nearly 12 hours ago.)

Colour me shocked. 🙄

😂 I took half a day when my mum died and that was for her ‘funeral’! But it was in lockdown and there was absolutely nowhere I could be, ie like at my dad’s side with my siblings. I say funeral, but it wasn’t even that as we weren’t allowed one.

You haven't suffered the loss of a parent, I take it?

This 100%. You’re taking out your frustration on the wrong person OP

I would rather be in your position than hers, yabu

You sound young and naive (I’m not being rude, just noticing). There is no prescription for grief. Each situation and person is unique. What is universal is that it is difficult and it’s helpful of those around us don’t judge but offer empathy and support.

This puts me in mind of a woman I used to know (Kate) whose mum died. Well, she had been her mum since Kate was 3. Her birth mum died in a car crash, (with her dad,) and her mum's sister (her aunt Lynne) took care of her and raised her. So aunt Lynne became 'mum.'

31 years later when Kate was 34, her mum aunt Lynne died. She had been super close to her for 31 years, she was her 'adoptive' mum, and she was devastated. Lynne died of cancer aged 63.

Kate's workplace offered a full week off as bereavement leave if it was a sibling, spouse, child, or parent. When she went to request the time off, her manager said 'err actually, she wasn't even your mum was she, she was your aunt... So you can't have 5 days off. You can have 2 though.' Kate was shocked and upset. Lynne had been her 'mum' since she was 3! And Lynne's son John (5 years older than her,) had been her brother/was her brother.

So Kate went to the GP as she was struggling with stress and feeling very low, and told her how upset she was at being told by her manager 'actually Lynne is NOT your mum IS she?!' And how he had taken 3 days away from her of the 5 days she should have had.

GP put her on the sick for 4 weeks, with depression.

If the manager had not barged in and said she can only have 2 days of the 5 days off allowed, she would have just had those 5 days, and then gone back to work. As it was they were without her for nearly a month.

Moral of the story is; be careful how you treat people. Particularly the recently bereaved!

Wow! You sound incredibly petty and cold. Severely lacking in empathy. I'm horrified that you have access this kind of information about another member of staff, and are online using this by threatening to complain about her having bereavement leave. Absolutely awful. Her mother has died! She will never see her again! I also work in the NHS and took several months off before and after my mum died, and I had a phased return afterwards recommended by my managers. It was a god send for MY mental health. I don't give a flying fuck how it affected anyone else at work. Luckily none of them are a cruel as you.

Interesting that your stopped posting after the majority of replies didn't go your way as well.

She’s lost her Mum. Let’s have some compassion here. The last thing she needs is to return with everyone complaining.
Perhaps offer some words of support.

You never know how someone will cope after a bereavement. These things happen all the time. If not bereavement, people get sick, or someone leaves and a replacement isn’t found for ages. You just do the best you can in the circumstances. It’s so much nicer to work somewhere they do care about employees. You never know what’s going to come your way.

Good God. Your focus is so wrong and you just can't see it. Lord save us from managers like you. Why aren't you focusing on telling your manager how underfunded and stretched you are, irrespective of this employees bereavement leave?

The issue here is with the workload rather than your colleague. You have fewer resources so need to be discussing with your management what should take priority and what can be delayed.

The reason she is off is irrelevant. She could have been hit by a bus and be off for six months and you would have the same issue.

You are abusing your access.

Your complaint needs to be aimed at them

That's quite literally what OP said in her first post 🤦🏼‍♀️

The amount of people on this thread who've clearly not read the OP properly is honestly quite staggering. OP said quite clearly at the very end of her first post, that she logs the leave as part of her role and knows it's definitely bereavement leave. Cue 300+ PPs "She's probably signed off" 🙄
OP also said at the very beginning of her first post that her annoyance is very much aimed at her management and not with her colleague. Cue "you should be aiming your anger at your boss not your colleague" 🙄🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

Young and naive because i grieve differently you? that's so patronising it's fuuny