To complain about the amount of bereavement leave a colleagues has been given

[Justgoogleitlater]

To preface, this is not about my colleague who I really like and I feel truly horrendous for her that she's lost her Mum. By all means, they should do what they need to for them and why not take this if its being offered. My issue is with the management who have approved it.

The problem is we are a very small team and she has been off for a month. She is now about to come back but has an agreed phased return in place that will last another month and the rest of us in the team are having to cover an awful lot that we simply don't have the capacity for. We have a lot of responsibilities that, from upper management, all need to be prioritised so everyone is now having to squeeze in a lot more to accommodate this colleague's leave and it has been incredibly difficult. Several staff have acrewed significant TOIL which my manager will not approve for them to take back yet because we are so short staffed.

The policy clearly states that bereavement leave can be offered for 3 days. Whilst I know this leave can be extended at the manager's discretion, what has been approved feels so excessive and with no consideration to the impact having so much leave has on the rest of us.
I have worked in the NHS a long time and never known anything like this amount of bereavement leave being approved. The most I have seen a manager approve before is 2 weeks and no phased return. And before anyone says, I know it is being recorded as bereavement leave and not sick leave because part of my responsibility is to log it on ESR as a proxy for our manager.

WIBU to go above my manager and complain about the decision to approve this.

Good lord.

The OP clearly stated:

• She doesn't begrudge her colleague the time
• She personally inputs the leave into the system and it's not sick leave
• Her issue is with management approving this leave without considering the implications on the rest of the team

Is the post going through a "make OP horrible" translator for everyone or something?

Yes YABU. A month really isn’t that long and 3 days is pitiful.

Complain about the fact that they haven’t arranged for sufficient cover/ won’t approve toil/ have unrealistic expectations but, honestly, unless you’re working 12 hours a day without a break 7 days a week, this will just sound like moaning.

Apart from the TOIL thing, surely there’s no option for them to refuse full stop under the policy? At my work they can refuse a particular set of dates but not just refuse it or they have to offer payment in lieu.

If they don't give her the leave I imagine they know she would need to go off sick instead.

I once had three weeks compassionate leave despite our policy saying we could only have a few days. I always look back and know that that decision to grant me that time is the only reason I didn't completely fall apart.

As someone else said, the issue isn't your colleague taking time off, it's the lack of cover provided when someone is off

You are certainly one of the less compassionate employees for the NHS. Have some empathy fgs

If she is grieving she needs to return when she feels ready. You can’t put a time limit on grief. When my Dad died I was off for two months and returned on a phased return. I couldn’t have been able to do my job sooner.

This. The problem isn't the extent of her leave, it's the fact management are doing nothing to mitigate the impact of her leave on the team.

I'm " get on with it" person too...
But sometimes practical or other circumstances mean that isn't an option

I was given a long compassionate leave in circumstances where "getting on with it" just practically was not possible

Wow. Let’s hope you’re not in this position.

I haven’t RTFT but I just can’t believe you would complain this poor woman has lost her mother and she needs time to deal with that.

Your time would be better served speaking to management about the unsustainable workload and rhe fact rhat they are not organising adequate cover.

Her amount of bereavement time is a red herring in this and you should not complain about that and to do so, imo, would be damn heartless

People are answering op's "AIBU" that is the title to her post....

I guess if she has said "AIBU to be cross that management aren't providing us with any extra staff" she may have had a very different set of responses

Your problem is with Resourcing, not with the leave. Your perception of why the colleage is off isn't factual, it's guesswork, leave that there.

Go to the management and complain about staffing levels, complain about priorities, complain about capacity of the team. That's your issue. Not that a colleague has been off, but that the team cannot cope with a team member being off. The resource needs are not able to flex to sudden changes due to too much work, and too little staff.

Complain about things that are factual.

edit - just seen that you input the time into system etgo you "know" it's sick. This is even worse, that private confidential information of a colleague. Think GDPR, private data and your thinking of using it to enforce your complaint? May as well prepare your CV and P45 too. Stick to the points stated above.

What have I just read. You are a truly awful person. This poor lady has lost her mum and has been off for a month. Have some respect. How dare you even think to complain about the leave she’s had. Some people need days some need months. Bereavement is truly awful . You should be ashamed.

management won’t give 2 hoots either just get on with your job. I hope when the time comes for you that people complain when you’re off .

Wow. How absolutely heartless and cold. Glad you're not my colleague!

Yes. You’re angry for the wrong reason and it comes across as bitter. It’s not about the reason for the leave, it’s the effect on the team. They need to find cover or tell you what can be prioritised as you can’t resource it properly within the team. You could mention it in a factual way. Tell them colleagues will stop doing overtime until they can take some TOIL to stop it building up. You could involve the union.

But have you actually said any of this to your manager? If not, you are unreasonable to go above their head.

You might not be aware of all the details. For example it could have been a more traumatic than what is public knowledge.

For example someone I know had 6 weeks off work when her mum died. Everyone thought the mum had had a sudden stroke. Actually her daughter (my friend) was looking for her mum's paperwork to arrange the funeral and found out her mum had stopped taking her medications a few months before and had essentially taken matters into her hands so to speak. So that's another layer of trauma she had to deal with. It was beyond devastating at an already difficult time. Her work approved extended leave but her colleagues didn't know.

Your problem is woth how your work are managing it for everyone else.

If anyone hears that you've complained about the leave, you will find it very uncomfortable to remain in your job.

By all means flag that you are struggling with your workload. Do not mention your colleagues ir their problems in an way.

And don't be fooled into thinking "everyone agrees" because they most certainly won't stand by that if you speak up.

i disagree with pretty much everyone on here. Whatever happened to resilience? It’s hardly news that many parents will die before their child finishes their working life. That’s months and months of lost work if everyone does it which it appears on here is common.

It’s a good job that this pampered generation weren’t around during world war 2. ‘I can’t possibly make munitions in the factory, my cousin died at the front last month’, ‘air warden? Sorry, my father died 3 months ago and I’m still getting over it’ I’ll just let the houses burn.

Fortunately I’ve only had the misfortune to work with someone like this once and I actually didn’t have to as after getting a job her mother died and she then she took 2 months off and never actually started.

I’m not sure if in most cases it’s just lazy, using the opportunity for time off or it being drilled into people that navel gazing, self obsession and constantly whining about mental health is essential, like some kind of contagion.

I do feel differently when it is a child who has died though.

and before you ask yes, I have lost a parent. My much loved dad last year. In total I took off 4 days. 2 for the funeral, and 2 when he was dying. I had a few ‘moments’ at work but it would have been utterly ridiculous to take off months because on a few days I had some tears.

Surely this post is a piss-take? @Justgoogleitlater if you’re being serious, then I feel very sorry for you. Such nastiness towards a colleague who’s suffering.

Echoing all the other posters - the issue isn't that your colleague has been given the leave, it's that the managers haven't properly arranged cover.
They should have arranged for agency staff, someone more junior to step up, for workload to be reduced, stepped in themselves to cover rather than leaving it to you and your colleagues to try and stretch same work between fewer people.
Can you have a discussion about that with your manager? There will be other times when similar happens - for illness, staff turnover, whatever the reason. So having a plan in place for the future will be beneficial. It might be you needing the time off in future.

This is why people want to take jobs in the public sector, because this sort of thing goes on all the time. Yes losing a parent is hard and we all cope in a different way (yes, this has actually happened to me) but when it did I had to get back to work fairly soon because I'm self-employed and I wouldn't have had any clients to go back to.

Public sector has none of this focus on customers or service or targets/profit whatever so people take the piss. Whether it's 2 months for bereavement or months on the sick. Obviously not fair that the OP and her colleagues are expected to pick up the slack but this sort of poor management is endemic and I;'m not sure there's anything she'd be able to do about it, she is a tiny cog in a massive, inefficient wheel.

I manage sickness in my very large workplace, if I logged 4 weeks of bereavement leave it would trigger on the system and be highlighted to HR.

If you are the person recording it why are you not challenging this? Question why they are not following the absence policy.

You're still focusing on the wrong thing. It isn't your decision to make and you don't know why it has been made. Speak to your manager about workload and getting some cover/support for the team.

It's this though. The leave does seem unusual in the NHS however you cant worry about this. She must have some involvement with occupational health to have a phased return ? You just won't have all the details and there is no point bearing a grudge against your colleague. Also if she had sick leave for a month your issues would be the same. You need to address this with management and highlight that more staff will be off with stress if they don't sort this. Stop accruing toil you can't use. You are under no obligation to work more than 37.5 hours. If you continue to have problems contact your union.

She's only focusing on that because loads of people have said it's probably sick leave even though it specifically states in the OP exactly how she knows it isn't. This whole thread is infuriating.

You’re in a position of responsibility where you are privy to your colleague’s private employment details - logging the status of their leave. If I found out that someone was using their knowledge of my employment record to complain about my absence, I would be complaining to HR that they’ve abused their position.

She’s probably not being paid for bereavement leave that’s gone on for a month, and she probably would be getting sick pay if it was recorded that way.

Also if it was sick leave, it wouldn’t make a jot of difference to your workload.