To complain about the amount of bereavement leave a colleagues has been given

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To preface, this is not about my colleague who I really like and I feel truly horrendous for her that she's lost her Mum. By all means, they should do what they need to for them and why not take this if its being offered. My issue is with the management who have approved it.

The problem is we are a very small team and she has been off for a month. She is now about to come back but has an agreed phased return in place that will last another month and the rest of us in the team are having to cover an awful lot that we simply don't have the capacity for. We have a lot of responsibilities that, from upper management, all need to be prioritised so everyone is now having to squeeze in a lot more to accommodate this colleague's leave and it has been incredibly difficult. Several staff have acrewed significant TOIL which my manager will not approve for them to take back yet because we are so short staffed.

The policy clearly states that bereavement leave can be offered for 3 days. Whilst I know this leave can be extended at the manager's discretion, what has been approved feels so excessive and with no consideration to the impact having so much leave has on the rest of us.
I have worked in the NHS a long time and never known anything like this amount of bereavement leave being approved. The most I have seen a manager approve before is 2 weeks and no phased return. And before anyone says, I know it is being recorded as bereavement leave and not sick leave because part of my responsibility is to log it on ESR as a proxy for our manager.

WIBU to go above my manager and complain about the decision to approve this.

It’s not the bereavement leave that’s the problem, it’s that management didn’t arrange cover

Yet another sign that most posters can't read or comprehend posts.

I worked in the public sector for a long time and the levels of sickness/absence are appalling. Apparently it's even worse now.

The culture and the system allows it to happen. The public sector really do need to put on their big girl pants and deal with this.

People are incentivized to take long periods of absence but are not supported properly to return (sooner) to the workplace.

There used to be a 'joke' in the NHS that long term sick basically meant six months, because that's the point when the pay dropped.

It might be your job to log it but its certainly none of your business and I would consider that a break in your colleagues privacy rights, her sick leave or bereavement leave is nothing to do with you. I hope you havent discussed this with other people and I hope your manager puts you back in your place.

Your manager can approve what they want, the policy is literally 'at their discretion' so you haven't a leg to stand on and will look nasty and unprofessional complaining about it. Christ shes lost her mum, I wouldnt be back at work after a month either. Spend less time gossiping and being bitter and you might get more work done.

You do have the right to refuse to do overtime or to complain for more help but that's a separate issue.

My husband took longer than a month away from work when his Mum died (we run a business together). I was holding down the fort by myself most of the time, but it never occured to me to begrudge him the time he needed to grieve, sort the funeral etc. He's the type to never take a sick day etc.

I remember when my Dad died, I was working for a bank and they were dicks about allowing time off for bereavement and the funeral. I ended up having a nervous breakdown a year later and could barely function for several months. I think people should be allowed to take the time they need and management should find a sustainable solution to manage workload rather than piling it on others.

Well then the thread title shouldn't be 'AIBU to complain about the amount of bereavement leave a colleague has been given'

Because it reads very, very badly and most people (quite rightly) are going to think the poster is selfish, uncaring and a busybody.

If she had titled the thread 'Manager hasn't arranged proper cover for colleague's absence' then it might have got more constructive posts and opinions.

@ExpressCheckout there will always be some people who abuse the system.but that's not necessarily the case here. The OPs colleague may very well be struggling with her bereavement and need some time off sick. The OP needs to be raising the lack of cover to her manager, not shifting blame to a bereaved colleague.

For what it's worth, I work in the public sector and have had 3 days off sick in the last 15 years (for a minor operation involving GA). But if I needed sick leave to cope with something very traumatic then I would take it.

We also have an absence trigger system. One of my direct reports hit it as she had had 3 separate periods of sick leave in 6 months. I had to go through it with her, identify if there were any particular reasons and any mitigations we could put in place to support her. There were valid reasons but it is all on file. People can't just take loads of random sick days and it not be noticed/recorded/dealt with.

Seriously?

Your colleague is likely to have been signed off for stress/not coping by her GP. This has nothing to do with the allocated 3 days for bereavement.

If you want to complain it should not be about your colleague's situation but about management's failure to deal with/allocate better the added workload.

As a manager I would appreciate you coming to me about the workload issue but questioning your colleague's leave when you know sod all about the details of their situation? I would see that as incredibly poor form and would tell you that this is frankly none of your business.

Simply this. Her bereavement leave and grief is fuck all to do with you.

You think that three days for bereavement leave is appropriate?

A friend in her early 50s who had a senior management post in the NHS somehow managed to take six months off work after her 87-year-old mother died. I was astonished: her work seemed to be her life. I've always worked in the private sector where a week would be the limit. Not sure how she managed it, but I do know that six months at home alone with nothing much to do (her mum's affairs were simple to sort out) was a disaster for her. She became borderline agoraphobic and eventually returned to work but couldn't seem to get back into the routine of things and ended up being made redundant. She's now living pretty much as a recluse. Overlong periods of compassionate leave can backfire badly. Most people do benefit from getting back into a working routine as soon as possible. They may not feel it at the time, but it's the best thing for them.

You seem quite horrible and lack empathy. I’m fortunate not to have been in that position but I cannot imagine what she is going through. Hearing experiences from my mum about her own mother passing she has never been the same since and it’s been 25+ years. Your colleague has likely been signed off work medically due to mental health issues resulting from her trauma. Whilst your work should have got temp employees to help make up for the work lossed, it’s down to the company and not your colleagues fault in the slightest. Maybe complain to your boss about them as it’s on them that you’re having to extra work

YABVU to complain about the leave.

If the issue is you are short staffed, then go to management and ask for a temp to be brought in.

I think it's been spelled out pretty clearly here.

As a Manager if you don't want to lose a good member of staff, you support them through these times how they need it. Sometimes that means the team takes a bit of a hit, but you'd hope they'd suck it up knowing that the same care would be afforded to them in similar circumstances.

Regardless, if you want to raise the issue, your issue is with the lack of resource. Not your collegue. Do not go that route.

I'm glad I'm not working in your team. Sounds like the team are more concerned about some extra work than a person who is struggling with grief.
You are within your rights to refuse work above your contracted hours. You clock off, go home, forget about work and get on with your life. Managing work preassure doesn't compare with managing grief.
Maybe consider how you will feel if you complain and management decide they will stick to 3 days. You may end up in a situation where you lose the closest person to you and are unable to function but are not allowed the leave you require.

I think it affects you mostly by the extra work piled on you.
I worked in the NHS and this would happen when a colleague went off long term sick.
I would tell management I'd see how much time I had left after I'd done my own work before I'd commit to any extra.
And no...my work didn't directly affect patients

You never know how a bereavement will effect you
We had a staff member have a whole year when her mum died .

Better they stay off than come in and not performing well because they can't manage

It’s pretty obvious that she’s no longer on bereavement leave, but has likely been signed off by her GP as medically unfit for work, so your employer is following the usual absence management policy in terms of phased return, etc.

I’d keep your nose out.

My younger sibling died in his sleep three days before his 26th birthday - if I’d only been able to have three days bereavement leave, that would have been preposterous. I was an A&E nurse at the time and absolutely not fit to return three days later and start resuscitating other 25 year olds or dealing with any number of other distressing situations that frequently occur in the Emergency Department. As it happens I was signed off work for three months (on three occasions of one month at a time), and then went back to work for six weeks, before I realised that I still wasn’t really in a fit state mentally to give a shit about anyone else’s problems because my whole existence was still so flooded with having lost my brother and all of the family implications, etc - so I ended up signed off again for another 8 weeks.

YANBU! Aside from the impact upon yourself and your team (ignore the posters who think you can just parachute a 'replacement' who doesn't know the processes etc..) What is your colleague going to do in this time? Just dwell? How does that her or anyone else (except if there are care requirements that now need to be filled)? She needs to get back in the saddle!

This

You may have knowledge of how the leave is being recorded, however you have no knowledge of what discussions have taken place between your colleague and manager. You have no knowledge of how the loss has affected your colleague. If you push it, she may (in her vulnerabe state) decide to submit a line and take another couple of months off (which will leave you in a far worse predicament staffing wise).
Going above your manager to complain that they've shown kindness and compassion will not reflect well on you. You can take your toil on the phased days your colleague is in.

Read my comment above, which will surely explain why “just getting back in the saddle” after a traumatic bereavement when you work in healthcare isn’t always that simple.

And also, your almost derisory tone about OP’s colleague “dwelling” on her loss, Jesus Christ. Of all the things in the world that we might be allowed to dwell on or be disturbed by, is the loss of a precious loved one not one of those things?

As a HCP I’ve bore witness to so much pain and loss throughout my career, it sticks in my craw a little bit to read words that suggest I “mustn’t dwell” on my own losses.

It doesn’t seem right that he should be able to make such an extraordinary decision without the approval of his manager. And the decision should have taken into account having temporary help to cover her work. I would want reassurance that this wouldn’t happen again.

But maybe there’s a good reason why that much leave was given in this case. Scratching my head what that might be…. Maybe her mother was a single parent and your colleague had much younger siblings who she needed to take care of and organise ongoing care for.

It’s not just the grieving, there can be huge amounts of admin to deal with, perhaps organising the funeral etc. It certainly takes a month, and you’re not likely to be performing at your best in other areas during that time.

I’m with PP — complain about inadequate staffing, not about your employer’s being understanding about bereavement.

My dad has just died.

I have an appointment with my GP in the next hour.

Bereavement and grief are very personal. I am sleeping less than 3 hours per night, I can't stop my brain, I'm even singing in my head, the songs we chose for his funeral. I am so sad.
I'm completing forms the coroner, dealing with a post mortem, I arranged the funeral and supporting my elderly mum who has lost her love of 63 years. My DC’s require support given that this isn't the first bereavement in the last two months .

I need to drive for work I can't drive on less than 3 hours sleep as, my GP has said, I am a danger to myself and other road users. I have sleep meds and feel worse, certainly not able to drive with them.
My role is to support others, I don't have the mental resilience to do that.

My colleagues have been so supportive. After other recent bereavements in my family, it is the care and understanding of others that are getting me through.

Workload is a separate issue and not connected to your bereaved colleague.