To complain about the amount of bereavement leave a colleagues has been given

[Justgoogleitlater]

To preface, this is not about my colleague who I really like and I feel truly horrendous for her that she's lost her Mum. By all means, they should do what they need to for them and why not take this if its being offered. My issue is with the management who have approved it.

The problem is we are a very small team and she has been off for a month. She is now about to come back but has an agreed phased return in place that will last another month and the rest of us in the team are having to cover an awful lot that we simply don't have the capacity for. We have a lot of responsibilities that, from upper management, all need to be prioritised so everyone is now having to squeeze in a lot more to accommodate this colleague's leave and it has been incredibly difficult. Several staff have acrewed significant TOIL which my manager will not approve for them to take back yet because we are so short staffed.

The policy clearly states that bereavement leave can be offered for 3 days. Whilst I know this leave can be extended at the manager's discretion, what has been approved feels so excessive and with no consideration to the impact having so much leave has on the rest of us.
I have worked in the NHS a long time and never known anything like this amount of bereavement leave being approved. The most I have seen a manager approve before is 2 weeks and no phased return. And before anyone says, I know it is being recorded as bereavement leave and not sick leave because part of my responsibility is to log it on ESR as a proxy for our manager.

WIBU to go above my manager and complain about the decision to approve this.

YABU to complain about her leave, special leave is at the managers discretion in the NHS, only a huge inconsiderate dickhead would begrudge a grieving colleague the time of they need. I would take a very dim view of a colleague scrutinising the rota and posting online about what leave other members of the team have.

However YANBU to raise with your manager that you’re struggling with the additional workload.

You should raise understaffing and workload issues but don't mention your colleague's bereavement.

It happens to us all one day and when it happens to you I hope your colleagues treat you with more compassion than you are treating this lady.

The understaffing is your managers problem not your colleague.

The reason for her absence is irrelevant and a month following the death of her parent isn’t unreasonable. The issue is the poor management in your team that can’t cover for an absence.

YABVU. Your colleague's manager has followed the organisation's process and used their discretion - as the process states they may. You have no idea why your colleague came to this arrangement with their manager and it's absolutely none of your business.

It is, however, reasonable to highlight to management the short-term impact inadequate resources are having. It is poor staffing levels that are the problem, not the bereavement leave or the policy. If you had sufficient staff to start with, one person being away for one month with a phased return over the second month wouldn't cause the extensive problems you claim.

Possibly, but from my many years of work, extended bereavement leave is not something I'm familiar with, but then i don't work in those kind of sectors

I thought all NHS was for first degree relative (which your mother is) you get until the funeral - longer than that you need a sicknote

Thats what I had for my dad, I had just over 3 weeks. Colleagues have had over 6 weeks if post mortem was needed and so on - may just be our trust though

Never heard of a phased return after bereavement though

Sorry but YABU you have no idea what that colleague is going through. I can’t believe anyone would consider complaining about someone going through a bereavement and asking for their leave to be shortened it’s so inappropriate. Asking for support as previously suggested is fine.

Go to management with a problem and a potential solution. What do you think should be the solution here op?

It sounds like your preferred solution would be to force your colleague to come back? You say that you like this colleague… do you know anything about how she is coping? Is she sleeping/functioning? Would she even be able to string a sentence together without bursting into tears? I know I couldn’t for quite some time after my parent died. If she came back too soon you’d still likely end up doing her role, she needs to be fit to work.

no, go to management with a different solution… temp staff, less work… has to be a different solution.

I think this is an issue you can raise with management at a later date. Talk about understaffing and getting plans into place about how to split work evenly so other staff don’t feel stressed.

I would not make this an issue about bereavement leave. She may have taken a sick line and management have decided to put it through as something different.
If you make an issue of this about the colleague having time off then you will look insensitive and not a team player.

TBH honest it doesn't make a lot of difference in the grand scheme of things , sick leave would not mean the work was covered by others either, I have a family member that works in the NHS and shouldering the burden for people who are sick or even in some cases leave the job seems to be the norm . It's the system that is the problem .

But a GP could sign her off for a month?
I'd need about a year to get over my dear mum's passing. Not that I work, but I wouldn't be able to function even on a basic level, for at least a few weeks.
I can't see how you can do this without seeming wholly insensitive. It's her Mum. Not her dog, not her great aunt who emigrated to Bulgaria in 1974.

This ^

Fucking hell. I can't believe that anyone would be harbouring these feelings about someone experiencing one of the lowest points of their life. Much less contemplating complaining about them!

The issue is solely the way your manager is dealing with the workload of the team. Focus yourself on that.

I think it depends on your work role but also how the death impacts you; I mean how debilitating your grief actually is.

I had just over a week off when my wife died. I was a social worker so in a public facing role and could not have assumed my work mask and carried it off any sooner.

Before I was in that job, I worked for a charity, and my boss, who was an amazing woman, actually came into work the day her husband died. I recently heard that she herself had died and in her obituary it was noted that she was sending work e mails on the day she died.

After my dad died I tried to go back to work as soon as possible (I think it was within a week). I lasted a couple of weeks then was signed off (can't remember for how long) with depression/anxiety. I was ill. Don't be heartless.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve, sadly not everyone bounces back. Each person's journey is different. I know that I shocked my colleagues when I returned to work a day after my sister died from cancer but it worked for me.

Do I think that some people wallow a little more than they used to? Probably but I think that is because we are not used to death being part of the pattern of life.

I hope that when you @Justgoogleitlater have to face such challenges are met with a similar amount of sympathy from your managers.

HR here.

So what? It’s none of your business what leave she is on, whether you log it or not, None whatsoever. In fact, now you’ve logged it, GDPR legislation says you need to forget about it. I hope you aren’t sharing any of this with your colleagues as that would be a breach of data protection.

As others have said you are focussing on the wrong issue.

1. Your colleague’s bereavement leave: nothing to do with you. Not for you to comment on what leave she takes or what the organisation chooses to allow. Shouldn’t come into conversation. Hope they are as flexible with you if you are ever unlucky enough to need it.
2. Your manager failing to manage the workload and pressure on the team. This is the issue you need to focus on. How is your manager planning to support the team while they have these short term additional pressures.

So in your line of work how long do you get to feel able to work, why are people so keen to put a time limit on grief?

Jobsworth

This is all too common in the NHS (and schools and many other public services) where on a day to day basis the show must go on and everyone else has step up to cover bereavement, sickness, mat leave and people leaving.
In many other jobs it is possible to cope with a temporary reduction of staff - orders and processes may take a little longer and there is often scope for overtime and temp staff.
There does seem to be a big inconsistency among NHS line managers over what they will allow - there are guidelines and policies but when you tell your line manager your brother has died and the funeral is Tuesday week they look at the calendar and start saying things like we have already got x number of people off that day would you be back afterwards.

I don’t see the issue. If she was off on sick leave or maternity leave you would have to deal with it.

The problem is not the show of compassion. It’s the failure to organise adequate leave.

You are making a complaint about your department being short staffed, not making a complaint about someone's leave.

If they had been diagnosed with cancer and needed to take months off you'd be in the same position.

I would recommend perhaps not phrasing it as a complaint, but discuss with your manager and/or their line manager as your colleague's absence highlighting a significant issue with staffing in the department. Also perhaps ask them to clarify whether there has been a change in policy that you weren't aware of.

What would have happened if another person became ill during the same time? How sustainable is it?

We have one person on long term sick leave at the moment, which was tough, but manageable. Now we've had another person go off on indefinite sick leave. For now we're managing by distributing the workload not only around the team but up to management and director level too and are looking at getting a temp in as and when we have a better idea of the length of their leave of absence.

As the boss, however, I would be sympathetic to someone needing a lot of bereavement leave, but if the policy is 3 days and someone needed more, I'd be certainly asking for a fit note from their GP.

I would not remark on the bereavement leave decision but be forthright with my complaint that no cover or support has been offered to the team to cover the workload. This is the actual issue.

You are being massively unreasonable. A month or two is nothing. Your complaint is about understaffing and that appropriate cover is not in place. Your complaint needs to be addressed to your superiors about their failure to mitigate the impact on the rest of the team, not the bereaved colleague.