To complain about the amount of bereavement leave a colleagues has been given

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To preface, this is not about my colleague who I really like and I feel truly horrendous for her that she's lost her Mum. By all means, they should do what they need to for them and why not take this if its being offered. My issue is with the management who have approved it.

The problem is we are a very small team and she has been off for a month. She is now about to come back but has an agreed phased return in place that will last another month and the rest of us in the team are having to cover an awful lot that we simply don't have the capacity for. We have a lot of responsibilities that, from upper management, all need to be prioritised so everyone is now having to squeeze in a lot more to accommodate this colleague's leave and it has been incredibly difficult. Several staff have acrewed significant TOIL which my manager will not approve for them to take back yet because we are so short staffed.

The policy clearly states that bereavement leave can be offered for 3 days. Whilst I know this leave can be extended at the manager's discretion, what has been approved feels so excessive and with no consideration to the impact having so much leave has on the rest of us.
I have worked in the NHS a long time and never known anything like this amount of bereavement leave being approved. The most I have seen a manager approve before is 2 weeks and no phased return. And before anyone says, I know it is being recorded as bereavement leave and not sick leave because part of my responsibility is to log it on ESR as a proxy for our manager.

WIBU to go above my manager and complain about the decision to approve this.

People grieve I’m different ways and need different amount of times to get back to work

Your actual issue is with your manager not allowing toil to be used, allowing significant amounts of toil to accrue and expecting you all to pick up colleagues work as well as your own. So you need to have a formal meeting with them, explain how you and the others feel, ie burnt out etc, and see what plans they have in place to support you, and get your toil used

ffs as usual the reading comprehension on here
OP states clearly 'it is bereavement and not sick leave'
first few posters 'it's probably sick leave.' 🙄

However, saying that, the posters who have pointed out that if the employer didn't agree to extending the bereavement leave the colleague would have almost definitely just gone sick instead, therefore OP would have been in exactly the same boat, are correct. Given it's the NHS, presumably sick leave would also be paid out of the same budget, so it's not as though there would have been money spare to pay for temp staff, as there might have been in other orgs that have limited pay for sick leave.

While I understand it can be frustrating for OP and her colleagues, from the managers point of view there's probably little that can be done. They still have to pay this woman whether she's on sick or bereavement leave so there's no money to pay for additional staff. From their POV it's better to keep a good relationship with the staff member rather than forcing her to come back or go to the dr, as a) that might make her feel supported to come back earlier, rather than just thinking 'fuck it I'll get signed off for another month then,' and b), if this woman is a good worker then someone being off for a month or two is negligible when compared to the years she might work for the organisation.

If you lose a good member of staff, you'll end up paying thousands in recruitment costs anyway, and will still end up with someone who might not be as good (or even competent), and even if they are great there will still be a delay while recruitment takes place and they get trained and up to speed. Therefore, long term, even from a purely business POV and not an emotional/good employer one it's worth giving people a bit of leeway when possible.

I've had a colleague who has been off for nearly a year after a bereavement (exceptional circs due to the type of loss), if I'm honest I just think how lucky I am to work somewhere so compassionate.

Express your concerns about the workload and the toil. Not your colleague.

hit post too soon!

The effect is exactly the same whether it’s called sick leave or bereavement leave. The issue is expecting the rest of the team to cover.

Same here. The palliative care nurse said I should get myself signed off for a couple of weeks but I didn't....and my dads death hit me badly several months down the line

Are you honestly that narrow minded that you think everyone should deal with grief the same way as you? Scary lack of empathy you have there.

What has been agreed between managers and your colleague is none of your business. Keep doing the data entry as required and keep your nose out of it.

In terms of the team being overworked, and not fulfilling targets - that's a sensible conversation to have but dont even think of mentioning your colleague's name or her bereavment leave. Keep it factual in terms of workload.

Very unreasonable. Wouldn’t like to think what you’d be saying/doing if you didn’t like your colleague.
grief is different for everyone, and when you’ve just lost your mum, the last thing you think about is the workload. That’s your managers’s concern , and the source of any complaints you should have.

Come on OP, her mum has died.

Have you lost a parent? It shakes your entire world, and the devastation is unfathomable to someone who hasn't been through it.

Makes you wish there was a dislike reaction, doesn’t it?

A month off and then a phased return does sound rather a lot. Were there particularly sensitive areas around her mother's death? For example was she murdered? Sorry, I know that sounds dramatic but I speak as someone who's lost both parents and a relatively young husband - the latter having truly devastated me. I can't imagine that being at home for that length of time would be beneficial.

Yes, I'm familiar with the trigger system. My opinion is that the six months full salary/six months half salary system (for >5 years service) incentivizes long-term sickness. I'm sorry, but that's my view. Such a policy would be unsustainable in the private sector.

I appreciate that I only have my own long experience to draw upon. But it always struck me that there was a tacit acceptance that some people would remain off sick until 'mysteriously', usually around the 6 month mark, they were suddenly ready to return to work.

I took two weeks off work when my mum died. I went back because I was feeling pressured to by my boss at the time. I wish I had taken off more time, I slogged away for ages dealing with stress, grief and anxiety. You do not realise the impact of a parents death until you have experienced it and everyone will cope with it differently. You need to be more compassionate to your colleague.

It depends. For a child, obviously not. For an elderly relative, it might be enough depending on your expectations of their longevity, your relationship with them, and your personal resilience.

I took one day off for a parent's funeral. All the other things I needed to do following their death were done around my public sector job. I didn't have a 'team', and so the service would not have been delivered.

Obviously I don't know OPs colleague's circumstances, but six months is a long, long time to be fully absent from work - perhaps there is less management urgency if there's a 'team' who are thought able to cover.

It does seem very generous, dh took the day his mum died off, a day to sort paperwork and arrange the funeral then the day of the funeral - I thought this was normal to be honest, certainly is in the private sector

That is a lot of bereavement leave. I understand why it is difficult to cover for this length of time. Although your colleague is struggling with a loss, it shouldn't mean that you cover all the workload for weeks on end. It is not fair on the rest of the team. It means team members could go off sick which will make things even worse.

Sympathies.

Four weeks bereavement leave is not uncommon for a first degree loss in companies which want to retain good staff. Do you seriously expect someone back at work three days after being widowed?

You are firing at the wrong target. Instead of sniping about a woman who has lost her husband and then hiding behind some weasel words your thread should have been "management not backfilling absent staff".

I once approved a 6 month bereavement leave for a colleague who's 4 year old child died. I wish I could have given her longer.
I did employ someone on a temp contract to cover for her though.

The thread is very specifically a complaint about the amount of bereavement leave - its in the title.

The OP was entirely free to start a thread on the issue of her employer's approach to managing cover but chose to make it about the quantity of bereavement leave.

This is exactly why smart employers keep the option to be generous with leave in such circumstances. Someone whose head is stuck in trauma, logistics or grief is not going to have their mind fully on the job. Better to give them time and space to grieve and get their heads around the practicalities and then welcome them back.

It’s not ‘wallowing’ how disrespectful. It’s grief. It’s different for everyone. No one knows how they will handle it. We all handle it differently. There is no way i can do a therapeutic supportive inpatient facing role while i am grieving. I would take sick leave as needed. ( i had a month off after my mum passed)

A friend lost her mum and went back to work almost immediately and a couple of years later is really struggling and realises she didn’t give herself time to process her grief in the early days. Sometimes ‘getting on with it’ is not that simple or the right path.

It probably is normal in terms of bereavement leave. I expect it’s also normal for bereaved people to take sick leave to supplement it. I certainly couldn’t have done what your bloke did - not only would I have been useless but I don’t suppose my colleagues would have appreciated my inability to stop crying.

Gosh, I hope you’re never in this position.

How mean