What do you have no bandwidth for

[ToxicFrenemy]

Having caught up with women's hour from the other day there was a chat about what fo you no longer have the bandwidth for. What are you now no longer doing, to keep yourself sane! Eg not making everyone's beds or picking up socks whatever

Anyway as it was an old one now, I couldn't text in but found that really interesting so wanted to ask "what do you no longer have the bandwidth for..."

I'll go first!!!! 2022 dh and I gave far too much of ourselves to friends who were going through a hard time, they seperated and it was awful They both needed alot of emotional support it was constant. We were supporting on both camps. Our marriage suffered with the emotional strain. And I get divorce is HARD but it nearly brought us to divorce and so we now no longer have the bandwidth to overly emotionally support others in that way outwith our marriage

Aibu? Or what's your own bandwidth boundaries

It was 'outwith', wasn't it. I thought that too.

Going to the shop - delivery is my friend.

Ironing!

My middle child's food allergies and fussiness. I know the fussiness is born of fear from being ill and she can't help having food allergies but I just wish we could find a few reliable safe foods we could serve and know she'll eat. My eldest has ASD and a lot of food fussiness too and would happily survive on shreddies, hula hoops and air if we let him but we do have other safe foods I know I can give him. I just pray number 3 is easier!
I also don't have bandwidth for my mum, every phone call is her moaning at me about my dad, my sister and people I don't know or care about. She asks how we are then immediately launches into a diatribe of what someone at her church has done or why my sister's parenting is awful. I don't think she could tell you a single thing about my day to day life, my wife or children. I haven't rung her in weeks cos I've just returned to work from mat leave and don't have any fucks left for her.

It probably wasn't my finest hour and I know I was rude, but I'd simply run out of patience with the towering, bearded bloke insisting he be called she/her.

I firmly pointed out that believing you're a different gender (or unicorn, or whatever) should be treated as a mental illness. And that we don't give weight loss jabs to people with anorexia in order to facilitate what they think their body should look like.

Male midlife crises

Boring conversations with other mums about toddler milestones and development in which they are clearly angling for info so that they can compare their DC's to mine. My DS3 is behind on a couple of things, there may be some early signs of neuro diversity (don't really want to go into detail here. we are seeking appropriate support. He's a smashing kid but has some quirks and struggles with everyday things) and quite frankly I've just noped out of this stupid middle class bollocks comparison game.

People who go on about their dogs and expect me to centre them in social and family occasions.

Weddings in the middle of nowhere

Hen parties

@Yourethebeerthief
That's your opinion, this thread is about what we can't tolerate, you have now gave me a new one; posters on a forum who think they can police your comments, go pick at all the other pps saying what infuriates them.

I'm not policing your comments. You can say whatever you like, it doesn't change the fact that you were rude and called a poster ignorant for no reason when they were politely asking OP question.

Do you have no bandwidth for my lack of bandwidth for the expression to have no bandwidth for?

Shocking data service levels from all involved

Radio phone-ins

😂you got me there!

People who like to provoke and press buttons- so the majority of the extended family!

Supermarkets

ironing. I haven’t used an iron in years. If it can’t be tumble dried then I don’t buy it.

Modern Society. I want to time travel back to the 1990s.

People who say 'outwith'

Yes

Excuse me, what? Where do you think I live.

It was absolutely not a prohibition on the use of the word 'outwith' I've only heard Scottish people say it and my English partner who works for a Scottish company remarks with his colleagues that this isn't a word they encounter down South. But nobody thinks its a problem? Just a charming quirk.

@SnoopysHoose

Did you mean to address your comment to this poster?

Group nights out. I just got lost in big groups of people. Always the usual suspects attention seeking. I find it exhausting.
Talking to people I don't like that much, just because we have friends in common.

I was asked to join a friend out on a night out recently, I said yes, nice catch up I thought. Then 8 people were added to the WhatsApp.
I don't even know who some of them are.
So I'll be mysteriously Ill on the night. 😬

Agree, I think it’s actually quite a useful term that covers time, inclination, physical and/or mental energy

Oh and I forgot to mention soft play.

The ones near my are really unhygienic and there is some abominable behaviour by other kids that goes totally unsanctioned. Fries my brain every time.

You can be a perfectly adequate toddler mum without enduring this ordeal. It wasn't a thing in the 80s/90s and we all managed fine.

I hereby nope out of soft play.

This is a good thread.

Supporting friends whose problems become bigger and more complicated the more they are supported. I do understand that THING is very difficult but I am running out of bandwidth to keep supporting. Especially as when my Dad died and a child had a particular issue, the friend still only talked about THING.

Hearing about mad skincare routines. Twelve year olds don’t need that shit. And if I can’t afford / justify buying my stuff at SpaceNK, I am damned if I am buying stuff for my child there.

So agree with this. I don't do soft plays either.

Trying not to help people or take a step back from people who won't appreciate it or it gets thrown back in my face. It's tricky because I'm a proactive person and like to help!

Fascism.

People who self publish books or set up niche businesses and then want me to promote them. I will not be good at promoting these things. If I have bought your book and had you sign it that should be enough.

just had this conversation today with a friend - I’m no longer willing to spend social time with anyone I don’t want too / I won’t do it because I feel guilty/ obligated if I don’t want to do it and I’ve stopped saying yes then trying to find a way to cancel I now just say no thank you. If that means those people drift away that’s absolutely fine too!

I only want to spend time with people who make me feel good when I do and that pool gets smaller as I get older and I’m dropping those “friends” I see out of some kind of weird obligation!! I

Your son is 16. Very soon he is going to have his own social life and won't want to spend all his free time with you. Then you might have time for a relationship, if you want to