What do you have no bandwidth for

[ToxicFrenemy]

Having caught up with women's hour from the other day there was a chat about what fo you no longer have the bandwidth for. What are you now no longer doing, to keep yourself sane! Eg not making everyone's beds or picking up socks whatever

Anyway as it was an old one now, I couldn't text in but found that really interesting so wanted to ask "what do you no longer have the bandwidth for..."

I'll go first!!!! 2022 dh and I gave far too much of ourselves to friends who were going through a hard time, they seperated and it was awful They both needed alot of emotional support it was constant. We were supporting on both camps. Our marriage suffered with the emotional strain. And I get divorce is HARD but it nearly brought us to divorce and so we now no longer have the bandwidth to overly emotionally support others in that way outwith our marriage

Aibu? Or what's your own bandwidth boundaries

Anything that primary school thinks it would be lovely for me to do. No to baking cakes, no to being on the PTA, no to running a school at the Christmas fair, no to giving lifts to the sports event. I cannot wait until DS2 goes to secondary and the endless guilt tripping from an organisation clearly living in the 1950s stops.

@Thepeopleversuswork Colleagues who video call without warning.

Absolutely, this. And also ones who send a message saying "Hi" then wait until you say hi back. Then you have wait until they tell you what they actually want. If they put the whole thing together, we could still do the pleasantries and I wouldn't be disturbed twice for one thing

It's well known that "outwith" is a Scottish word and this poster was clearly just interested to see a non- Scot using it.

I have little bandwidth for rude posters who don't recognise when others are simply enquiring politely and curiously about something, and instead assume the worst of them.

On second thoughts, it's probably correct to talk about bandwidth in terms of headspace rather than time. We often say we don't have time when it would be more honest (if also less tactful) to say we can't be bothered or are too tired.

Absolutely this! I just cannot fit it in but am constantly guilt tripped by the SAHMs on the PTA. How about I'll do it if you pay half my mortgage next month? How does that sound?

Absolutely this. I have every sympathy if someone is going through a difficult time. But when it becomes a pattern and they're facing the same issues over and over again, without having any insight as to why, then I lose patience.

I've had to give myself a kick up the ass many times in my life, as I'm sure many of us have. It's how you move forward. People who are always seeking to blame others for their circumstances are draining and there is no "helping" them.

Also agree with pp's who said relationships. If I was already with someone and we got along well enough, I'd probably stick with it. But the whole effort of trying to find someone new? Can't be bothered. I did OLD for a while. Answering the same mundane questions (that's if they weren't so self absorbed that they actually asked any!). The awkward dates. Does he like me? Do I actually like him? Nah can't be bothered with it.

Absolutely. There's a real selfishness about expecting to take up so much of other people's time at work.

With Teams you get a stream of consciousness offload from people which requires that you constantly delve into their brain and try to understand what it is they don't understand. It's incredibly draining and wasteful.

It's one thing when its a junior colleague who is learning the ropes and I will always help people in this situation but when it's senior people it's just a kind of selfishness to go "Hi.... you busy... got a sec?" in the middle of the working day. Tell me what you want to know or leave me alone. I don't have time.

I find that the plethora of ways to reach people online seems to magnify the tendency for emotional sprawl: in the days when you just sent an email you would expect a reasonably prompt but properly crafted and considered response to address the key points that the person had asked. Nowadays people just allow their digital emotional diarrhea to expand relentlessly.

Work in general tbh. Find it all so meaningless. Alas I can't afford not to.

It's a completely different meaning. It's around emotional energy rather than time.

For me it's listening to my husband going on and on about Trump. I get that it's a worrying situation but discussing (monologuing) it for hours on end isn't going to make anything better.

Oh and people moaning on local social media. And those long, complex OPs on MN.

@ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea

It's a completely different meaning. It's around emotional energy rather than time.

For me it's listening to my husband going on and on about Trump. I get that it's a worrying situation but discussing (monologuing) it for hours on end isn't going to make anything better.

Oh and people moaning on local social media. And those long, complex OPs on MN.

Agree, bandwidth and time are really not the same thing, I don't understand why people have such a hard time grasping this its just pedantry for its own sake.

If you have two weeks off on holidays you theoretically have time for everything but you may reasonably choose not to spend it sitting in a gloomy bar watching football or listening to someone bang on about their disastrous love life.

Similarly you might have time to fill in an online customer satisfaction survey that your bank has sent you, or set a new and entirely unnecessary password for a mobile banking app which you don't want, but actually think I'm damned if I'm going to make any more time for this and decide to go on Mumsnet instead 😀

Such are the demands of modern life on bandwidth.

Facebook attention seekers. I have a rl friend who always posts on the anniversary of any relatives death. Always gushing about how loved and missed they are. Why does she do it? All her family know the anniversary and I can't be arsed saying I'm sorry for your loss when today's offering was a bereavement from 4 years ago. Probably time to delete it.
Also listening to dh witter on about Starmer.

Work, I just want a job with no big responsibility now

Washing, I do it everyday and its becoming tedious

Husband, I can't stand the fucker at the minute

Kids, pick up your own shit (only 1 is a teen the other's are adults)

Menopause, contributing anxiety and rage to all of the above

But, as pps have pointed out, not all of us do mean time when we say bandwidth. I suffer from chronic fatigue, and associated brain fog, so for me it's a useful term for whether I'm able to cope generally with whatever's being asked of me at a given moment. Tbh I don't think it'd even occur to me to say bandwidth if I actually meant time.

It's not time.
I have time. I just have compassion fatigue for certain people.

Are you a modem?

@Yourethebeerthief
Not rude at all, this forum
is full of posters who have this attitude that they've never heard or are aware of life outside London/Home Counties, or it's faux naïveté , gets a bit wearing.
Most Scots I know have been to the other parts of the UK but so many MNers carry on as if Scotland is 3000 miles away.

Arrant gender nonsense. There is only male & female. That's it. A couple of students in DD's first flat at university tried to enforce their pro-nouns on me. They regretted it.

Cooking. Now we're Empty Nester we either eat out, or enjoy delicious M&S convenience food. I haven't used the cooker in months. And the kitchen is always immaculate. Bliss.

A romantic relationship. I just don't see the appeal at all.

This makes no sense. Perhaps you've muddled yourself up. You were rude- you called that poster ignorant. It doesn't matter what you've seen from other posters, you called this specific person ignorant. The poster saw the word "outwith" and was interested to know if the other poster was Scottish, that is all.

I'm Scottish. I have never heard a non-Scottish person say "outwith" in all my puff. I would also assume that someone who used that word in writing was Scottish. If I saw someone use the word "timeously", I might also curiously enquire if they were a fellow Scot.

It's got nothing to do with how near or far Scotland is. It's about recognising linguistic shibboleths that indicate a person is likely from a certain country or region. The poster was very clearly just curious. You were rude.

People who waffle, including Classic FM presenters. I just turn the volume down if they take more than thirty seconds. I have been known to interrupt people with “just get to the point”.

Clothes that need dry cleaning or hand wash - all now gone (sold on Vinted/ebay).

Ironing - (Unless it is a wedding or other special occasion).

Cuting up onions - frozen works fine.

Putting on make-up (unless it is a special occasion).

I want to know more about your encounter with the pronoun-enforcers...

Echoing you, zero bandwidth for gender bollocks.

@Arraminta

I'd also love to know more!

I've given up caring about my coworkers. I'll help them when they need it and I'll be pleasant in meetings, but I've learned that none of them really like me. It used to upset me but now I just don't have the bandwidth for worrying about why people don't like me!

’Hosting’ or ‘entertaining’. Totally over every last bit of it.