What do you have no bandwidth for

[ToxicFrenemy]

Having caught up with women's hour from the other day there was a chat about what fo you no longer have the bandwidth for. What are you now no longer doing, to keep yourself sane! Eg not making everyone's beds or picking up socks whatever

Anyway as it was an old one now, I couldn't text in but found that really interesting so wanted to ask "what do you no longer have the bandwidth for..."

I'll go first!!!! 2022 dh and I gave far too much of ourselves to friends who were going through a hard time, they seperated and it was awful They both needed alot of emotional support it was constant. We were supporting on both camps. Our marriage suffered with the emotional strain. And I get divorce is HARD but it nearly brought us to divorce and so we now no longer have the bandwidth to overly emotionally support others in that way outwith our marriage

Aibu? Or what's your own bandwidth boundaries

Work Colleagues and Work Clients confiding in me about personal stuff not related to work. I am sorry I do not want to reassure you that your 70+ year old father is actually picking to meet friends for a drink on Saturday night rather than watch you play football is not because he dislikes you.

Company strategy, new procedures after the last pointless change 3 months ago, "professional development" sessions consisting of some bore droning on about their dog before 20 minutes of best practice tosh that we all do anyway, latest head office SHITE

Fuckwits.

Lateness.

Actually I have not had the bandwidth for that since I was in my early twenties.

Extra school stuff. Both work full time demanding jobs. Got an email today asking if people who are qualified could serve on a school board on the finance side. I have the perfect skillset and professional title to do it, but the amount of time is unknown and I don't want to commit and let people down.

Pretentious shite.

Irritating fuckers on MN who think they’re being clever by nitpicking on words chosen by the OP.

Bandwidth does not have the same meaning as time. And you know it.

My sister in law…

American politics. When Americans elected the old, fat, bald man, I gave up. There was nothing, as a citizen of the UK I could do. So since 5/11 I've opted for ignore, ignore ignore.

I still read the headlines about him, so I know what the scrote is up to, but I try to put a certain amount of distance between what he's doing and my life.

I know full well what he is doing will eventually catch me in its maws. But given that I cannot do anything to stop it ....

I'm still informed and active in local and national politics in this country, and, for example I have a very strong view on if the UK should look to the EU or america as a major trading partner and as far as I'm able, I make that view known within the UK political party I'm part of.

Short of that, I just ignore his wicked tomfoolery.

Honestly? Most stuff! Seems the older I get, the less I want to do/see/go etc.!

Selfish, self obsessed 'friends'. I no longer have the patience's to listen to them moan and complain endlessly.

One such DF I've known nearly 30 years. She's always been a bit self involved but she's got worse as we've aged. We will sit down at a social event and she will turn to me and say "Oh I MUST tell you this...' and it will be that her daughter got a new cooker or something equally mundane.

My dad died last year and she was perfectly nice about it. Didn't send a card or do anything to help but she came to the funeral and I appreciated that gesture. Now her dad is 97 and realistically he hasn't long left. He's well but he is old. She keeps dissolving into tears and sobbing she doesn't know how she will cope without him, that I can't understand what it's like.

I've met her dad. He's a lovely man so I listen to DF but she moved away from him and her country of origin over 40 years ago. She has been sheltered from the harsh reality of caring for an aging parent. But now she is the only person in the world to ever face losing a parent and the rest of us (only one other with a surviving parent because we are all old) can't understand how difficult it is.

I'm trying to stay patient because I know she's struggling but her self obsession is getting me down.

They think they're oh so clever and original as well. There will always be about 20 smug posters on a thread like this answering the same way.

People who are constantly poorly and moan, I'm not even very sympathetic to my own children (unless they're obviously very unwell) so grown adults moaning about being poorly doesn't wash. I can't muster any sort of sympathy really and just say, hopefully you'll feel better soon

hearing about some randomer’s ‘ journey’ which is just life happening, same as everyone else.

I don’t agree. For me it’s more about mental energy. eg I might have bandwidth for watching TV or browsing Mumsnet, but not bandwidth for babysitting a toddler or taking an angsty phone call from someone in a crisis or calling a customer service phone line for an appliance.

I think it’s a useful turn of phrase.

People’s drama. Not people’s problems that you can empathise and give support for. But over dramatic flouncing, stomping off, expecting you to know what is going on without telling you because you should
just know. Facebook posts with trite sayings implying what is going on.

can’t stand it and I will back of very quickly when anyone does this.

Being in a relationship
Being friendly to my intrusive neighbours on one side
Going to social events when I don't feel like it
Going the 'extra mile' at work
and increasingly - putting makeup on to go to work/shopping/errands

God that's loads actually! 😄I've definitely 'got a can't be arsed with that' attitude in the last few years whereas before it all seemed so effortless and I actually enjoyed these things.

Monologuing “friends”. I met up with an old friend recently, and she spoke in great depth about her life, hobbies, children etc. I couldn’t get a word in edgeways. She didn’t ask a single question about me. I decided afterwards that I won’t bother putting myself out to meet up with her in future.

Today I met another friend, and exactly the same thing happened. I managed to quickly interject with a few things that I’d been up to, but she’d immediately turn the conversation back to herself.

I’m really done with it. If you can’t even manage a polite “How are DH and the kids doing?”, then I don’t have to listen to you bleating on at tedious length about every member of your Pilates class.

You seem very reliant on your DC for company and companionship. Does he have friends / interests outside the house? What happens when he leaves home?

So agree with this. It's bloody awful.

Engaging in polite conversation with complete strangers who for some peculiar reason want my time & attention eg there was one in the physiotherapist's waiting room yesterday and another on the train the day before

Wow that's quite a reach, I think it's lovely pp spends time with her ds. I'm sure he also has friends and interests. Pp doesn't come off as reliant on him at all.

My physical appearance. I'm healthy, eat well work out but can't be arsed to make myself pretty. So no makeup and a ponytail. Skin routine? Ehhm, water? Doing things in general because it's expected of you. No, I'm old enough to do what I want and not to care what other people think.

Pairing socks. I put them in bag for life in the utility room. Everybody but the baby can faff finding their own pairs.

Yes, also fuckwits.