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Original poster

DD demanding chocolate when she's on her period

614 replies

Homeymum2 · 04/02/2025 16:35

My 14 yo DD insists that all her friends parents buy them chocolates and pamper them when they are cycling -

I'm being told I'm a terrible mum and badgered for chocolates

Am I an outlier to not cater to this?

OP posts:
Eze · 04/02/2025 18:01

If by pampering she means chocolate and a hot water bottle or wheat bag then yes because periods are shite especially in teenage years.

Shufflebumnessie · 04/02/2025 18:01

I wouldn't be giving in to her demanding chocolate, but if she's just asking nicely then I really don't see an issue.
I currently have my period and am craving chocolate, so I ate 2 Flakes. It made me feel better. Will I do the same tomorrow? Possibly.
I remember suffering from excruciating period pain as a teenager but my mum's approach was that as she hadn't experienced them, so I just had to shut up & get on with everything. On the days it was really bad I would have loved a hot water bottle & blanket on the sofa, with some chocolate after school.

SemperIdem · 04/02/2025 18:02

BunnyLake · 04/02/2025 17:57

I certainly did when I had periods.

Show quote history

I never have, presumably I’m not extra special in this way. I thought it was a bit of a broad brush statement.

Not that I think the op shouldn’t just buy her daughter a bueno or something, it’s hardly bank breaking stuff.

The pampering expectation is very entitled though.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/02/2025 18:04

Having chocolate in the house or letting her have pocket money to buy it - not an unreasonable request

Expecting monthly “pampering” (not sure what that would involve) sounds unreasonable on the face of it.

I would by my dd a bit of dark chocolate if she wanted it and I was passing the shops though

TheThreeMiracles · 04/02/2025 18:04

The body craves things like chocolate on a period don't be mean buy her some ! Do you not have chocolate ever ?

MrsSunshine2b · 04/02/2025 18:04

ERthree · 04/02/2025 17:42

My periods started when i was 8, absolutely flooding by 10 and on the pill by 14 to try and ease them, i had endometriosis for 30 years, 5 pregnancies, 3 births, a hysterectomy and i am in the middle of the menopause and yes i can honestly say i just get on with it, of course i have whinged about it all, ran a hot bath and taken pain killers but i haven't had to have a pamper night, the world didn't stop because i had my period.

Show quote history

Did you also have to walk 15 miles to school uphill both ways?

CraneBeak · 04/02/2025 18:05

To me there's a clear line between making a period into a "thing" or a drama, with pampering and attention on misery, which I wouldn't like. Periods are a normal part of life, we don't need new PJs and to snuggle up as a family every time it happens. If you have two daughters that could be up to one snuggle fest per week.

But on the other hand, if she does crave chocolate or if a little sweet would make her feel better, then of course she should have access to it. I always eat more chocolate when on my period, and I wouldn't deny it to my daughter

Comedycook · 04/02/2025 18:05

I don't specifically have to buy my DD chocolate because we have everything in the house all the time anyway. She can have chocolate whenever within reason...it's in the cupboard. We also always have cake and biscuits. Plenty of healthier foods available too. You do sound a bit mean...it's pretty normal to crave sweet food around that time.

LooksThroughaGlass · 04/02/2025 18:05

pamper them when they are cycling -

I thought for a moment this was when they went out on their bikes.

AyrnotAir · 04/02/2025 18:05

If my daughters want chocolate on their period they can have chocolate. It they need a hot water bottle il make them one, if they ask me to bring them painkillers or run them a bath, I will. It's not an ardorous task and it's nice to be cared for a bit when you feel a bit shit. My DH does the same for me if I'm feeling crap some months and will do for the girls too if asked.

HundredPercentUnsure · 04/02/2025 18:06

SpringBunnyHopHop · 04/02/2025 16:37

At 14 she’s old enough to decide what she wants to eat.

And probably old enough to buy it herself with pocket money or allowance or whatever, too, I'd have thought? 🤔

MrsSunshine2b · 04/02/2025 18:07

SpanThatWorld · 04/02/2025 17:49

Pocket money so she can buy her own chocolate.

Noone needs to be pampered because they're having a period.

Kindness is due if people don't feel well whatever the reason but you don't need baths, candles, fluffy socks or whatever 5 days out of every 28.

I have baths, fluffy socks and candles every day of the month. Cosy PJs, an oodie, an electric throw and often I even switch the heating on. Clearly, I missed the memo about keeping a spartan prison like home, taking a 2 minute cold shower a day and wearing a sack.

GiddyRobin · 04/02/2025 18:07

It's bizarre to me that people are saying being kind to your loved ones during a period is "new". Or from social media. My dad did this for me donkeys years back, and he did it for my mum. DH remembers his own dad doing it for his mum, and both parents doing it for his sister. My DH is a 40 year old man who doesn't even use SM, and at 35 I barely do either.

And what does OP's DD mean by "pampering"? Apparently baths, chocolate, and nice food is considered pampering on MN. In my world, they're normal things I get from DH every day, and vice versa. They just ramp up when I'm on.

I doubt OP's daughter is asking for a spa day, whale music, a pony, new designer PJ'S, and sanitary towels made from pure gold. She probably just wants some chocolate, a nice tea, and a hot waterbottle from her Mum. Hardly mind blowing stuff.

BadSil · 04/02/2025 18:08

ChangingHistory · 04/02/2025 17:59

Wow this must be a social media contagion thing. Why on earth would you need someone to pamper you and buy you chocolate?

I have horrendous periods, I want someone to buy me Co codomol and keep my hot water bottle topped up. I don't want a crunchie with a bow on it and a shoulder rub.

Surely this gives the nessaged that periods are something we must suffer and therefore we deserve pampering for making it through? Periods are normal. If you feel crap you need to get whatever helps but if you're OK you get on with it.

Surely at 14 she can drop by the shop on the way to school and buy some chocolate or grab a chocolate biscuit out of the cupboard?

I think we've established that not all women experience periods in the same way.

A 14 year old can buy herself some chocolate. But it is lovely to know that your mum is thinking about you and cares for you and would do a little token thing to make you feel a bit better.

No wonder our young people in a mental health crisis. Even when they are actively seeking support and comfort from a parent they are being denied it. It's probably a lot to do with why women soldier on to their own detriment. They know not to bother asking for help and support because when they do they are told that "other women don't need that".

Cafenoisette · 04/02/2025 18:09

I crave chocolate when I'm with my period. My dh knows me well and he always brings me some chocolate, without me asking, when I'm with my period. I appreciate that.
There's no need to indulge with pampering but there's nothing wrong with giving a wee treat like a chocolate.

Comedycook · 04/02/2025 18:09

I'm surprised at how many people don't have chocolate in their house routinely. But I like to keep very well stocked cupboards of pretty much most food stuffs

LuluBlakey1 · 04/02/2025 18:09

IWillAlwaysBeinaClubWithYouin1973 · 04/02/2025 17:57

That's your DD and she's 14. To coin a MN phrase "give your head a wobble".

My eldest DD is 23 now and was a bit down this week so I sent her a small bar of chocolate in the post, I think it's a privilege to be able to do that for your own child. FFS, competitive misery on MN sometimes. Makes me think how on earth you will cope with problems as she grows older and you feel the need to restrict the comfort available to her.

That's different to pampering teenage girls and feeding them chocolate every month just because they have a period.

It is no wonder teenagers have no resilience and schools deal every month with girls who make enormous dramas about having a period- demanding to go home and have a bath and change all their clothing because they have 'leaked through', refusing to do PE or other lessons because they 'don't feel well', expecting to have rules changed for them. DH had a letter last week asking from a mum saying she wants her daughter to be on 'an early lunch pass when she has her period because she feels uncomfortable standing in the queue.' He says the same girl stands in the corridor with her friends outside the girls' loos making a lot of noise every break and lunchtime.

Original poster
Homeymum2 · 04/02/2025 18:09

Wow! I've never had this much traction with a post before -

Everyone got copious amounts of chocolate at Christmas - she's eaten all hers and wants some of mine now because she's on her period or would like me to make a special purchase ...

Anyway - I've now shared some -

OP posts:
Diomi · 04/02/2025 18:10

bringmorewashing · 04/02/2025 17:28

Why can't she have whatever chocolate is already in the houae and go lie down with a hot water bottle? Honestly your DD sounds entitled.

Plus I personally wouldn't want to give teen girls the message that natural bodily functions somehow make them weak and precious and in need of special "pampering".

I was prescribed a lot of very strong painkillers, and had quite a bit of pampering, after part of my body had been severed off and they had to operate. I didn’t take any of the painkillers for that because it wasn’t anything like as painful as the natural bodily function of my period. I only needed a couple of paracetamol for the post op pain and I used the strong stuff for the next 7years for period pain. Just because something is a ‘natural bodily function’ doesn’t mean it can’t be very painful and unpleasant.

BashfulClam · 04/02/2025 18:11

Homeymum2 · 04/02/2025 18:09

Wow! I've never had this much traction with a post before -

Everyone got copious amounts of chocolate at Christmas - she's eaten all hers and wants some of mine now because she's on her period or would like me to make a special purchase ...

Anyway - I've now shared some -

Wow Christmas was over a month ago! When I have my period I could eat a whole loaf as I crave carbs.

BasilParsley · 04/02/2025 18:11

Quinlan · 04/02/2025 16:37

Maybe I’m a bit weird but surely there is chocolate available in the house? I mean, not loads but it’s a pretty normal thing to have in the snacky box for when someone fancies a treat snack.
Just buy some chocolate?

I'm probably v. old fashioned but I stopped buying chocolate/crispy type stuff for the snacky box when my kids hit early teens. There was fruit, milk and cereal in abundance instead. If they were peckish, I was more than happy for them to help themselves. If they wanted the chocolate, they had to buy it themselves. And no, I didn't have a secret stash because, bizarrely, I not really a fan of chocolate/sweet stuff...

ShodAndShadySenators · 04/02/2025 18:13

If she wants this because she thinks it would genuinely help then I would oblige, because I'd want to help my DD. If it was just because her mates got treated like that and she fancied the same, I'd be less inclined to. It doesn't sound like she's actually suffering with her periods, more like FOMO and less like needing medical help like begging for painkillers, applying heat, etc.

But I had awful periods when I was a teen, I remember lying in the foetal position on my bed whimpering because it was so bad and I would have felt a bit more cherished if my mum had tried to help. She didn't, I was left to it. I would help my DD if I had one (I don't) because feeling that your parent wants to help you feel better and cares, goes a long way to building feelings of security and self-worth. I didn't get much of that so that'll be why...

Dishwashersaurous · 04/02/2025 18:13

My husband had been known to do a midnight chocolate run when I've been suffering.

Periods are normal, but there is a massive range, and being kind to someone in pain is just nice.

BadSil · 04/02/2025 18:13

Why not do indulge with pampering? Do you not like your children? Pampering just means, running a bath, preparing a hot water bottle, making some tea, sticking on a comfort show. What does this take away from you apart from 20 minutes of time? But it will show your daughter that she's loved and cared for, bolster her self-esteem, teach her that people who love you want to care for you.

Comedycook · 04/02/2025 18:15

Just had a look in my cupboard....we've got twirls, galaxy ripples, toffee crisps, mint aeros and freddo bars. There's also a chocolate fudge cake and come chocolate cookies.

I'm sure it would make the anti upf crew faint!

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