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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD demanding chocolate when she's on her period

614 replies

Homeymum2 · 04/02/2025 16:35

My 14 yo DD insists that all her friends parents buy them chocolates and pamper them when they are cycling -

I'm being told I'm a terrible mum and badgered for chocolates

Am I an outlier to not cater to this?

OP posts:
sandyhappypeople · 04/02/2025 17:30

Doesn't she have pocket money? or are you one of those parents who won't let their children eat chocolate at all?

At 14 she is old enough to have autonomy and old enough to buy herself whatever treats she wants surely?

RudbekiasAreSun · 04/02/2025 17:31

Chocolate is basics here where we are

OneWaryCat · 04/02/2025 17:32

Periods can be really painful and your hormones are all over the place. If you are 14 and it's still all new to you, it can be really unsettling.

Bit of chocolate and care wouldn't go amiss. I have adenomyosis so my periods are super heavy and I often can't properly work for 2 days a month because of the intense pain.

Faptat5 · 04/02/2025 17:33

Nationsss · 04/02/2025 17:10

Yes totally spoil my daughter during her period. There will comeca time whdn I won't be here to do it and I want tobas long as I can.
Electric blanket.
Endless tea.
Dinner on a tray.
Cinnamon buns.
Favourite crisps.
Marshmallows.

Glad to be able to do it for her.

I guess people's responses can only be based on their own experience.

For me, periods were always a non-event, no pain, no PMS, so reading this I thought it was totally OTT!

It did sound from OP's post that the daughter is demanding it because her friends get it, rather than because she's struggling and needs extra comfort though. If so, I'd be wary of raising precious/entitled DCs as PPs have said. They do need a bit of resilience.

Only OP can know what's actually needed here.

Dishwashersaurous · 04/02/2025 17:33

Surely chocolate and a hot water bottle is pretty standard for period pain. And if someone is in pain then normal loving families support them

BeaAndBen · 04/02/2025 17:35

DD would complain I don’t pamper her because I’m not really the pampering type. But I always gave her hot chocolate or a bar of chocolate and a cuppa, a hot water bottle and painkillers.

What sort of thing does she see as ‘pampering’, OP?

minwage2025 · 04/02/2025 17:36

Getting someone chocolate is hardly making them precious, entitled and lacking resilience and all the other stuff people have put

If a colleague said they had period pain/were craving chocolate I would grab them some from the shop and make them a cup of tea let alone my own family Confused

ItGhoul · 04/02/2025 17:37

TheSmallAssassin · 04/02/2025 16:38

I'd ask her who she thinks buys you chocolate and pampers you when you are on your period?

Edited

Why would an adult, who earns a wage and has a car and control over the contents of the cupboard, need anyone else to provide them with chocolate/treats, though? The situation of a parent and a 14-year-old aren't really comparable; an adult can do whatever they want whenever they want, whereas a child doesn't have that level of freedom/wherewithal.

My mum had terrible periods when I was a kid and my dad did used to look after her a bit, however. I don't recall her requesting chocolate - she's not really a chocolate fan to be honest - but my dad definitely got her hot water bottles and brought her painkillers and stuff like that.

SlightlyJaded · 04/02/2025 17:37

No way.

Make her have an ice bath and wear sandpaper knickers. Bread and margarine for dinner and keep the windows open.

FFS. You are not going to 'ruin' your DD by having a bit of chocolate in the house once a month. I honestly despair at the competitive misery on here sometimes, all in the name of proving that people aren't spoiling their DC. She has hardly asked for Gucci slippers, a rose petal bath and 60 newborn kittens.

🙄

DaisyChain505 · 04/02/2025 17:37

Running her a bath and chucking her a bar of galaxy doesn’t seem too much effort.

BlueSilverCats · 04/02/2025 17:37

@myusernamewastakenbyme and my mum never even told me about periods or what to expect, rarely provided pads and wanted me to use cotton wool and massively kicked off about tampons because virgins and some such. Did i survive? Yes. Was I ok? Yes. Should I have done the same with DD because that's how I went through it?

Pollyanna87 · 04/02/2025 17:39

Just give the poor girl some chocolate.

jellyfishperiwinkle · 04/02/2025 17:40

We almost always have chocolate in, DDs wouldn't have to ask or they would just buy it with pocket money anyway.

Fawn87 · 04/02/2025 17:41

Well I know I have always craved chocolate on my period. If it makes her feel better then why not? I'm sure you do things for yourself that make you feel better.

ItGhoul · 04/02/2025 17:41

bringmorewashing · 04/02/2025 17:28

Why can't she have whatever chocolate is already in the houae and go lie down with a hot water bottle? Honestly your DD sounds entitled.

Plus I personally wouldn't want to give teen girls the message that natural bodily functions somehow make them weak and precious and in need of special "pampering".

Just because they're 'natural bodily functions' that doesn't mean they're not extremely painful for a lot of women. It's not about being 'weak and precious'. It's about being kind to someone who feels very unwell. I'd cut someone some slack if they had awful stomach cramps due to a gastric bug so why wouldn't I also cut someone some slack if they had similarly awful cramps due to their period? It's not like the fact that it's caused by a period makes that kind of pain any less debilitating or unpleasant than a similar of pain caused by illness.

Hesma · 04/02/2025 17:42

What does she mean by pampering? If either of my DDs are have really bad cramps I may run them a bath but that’s as far as it goes.

Nothing wrong with chocolate but I don’t buy anything fancy… they get a Kit Kat or Crunchie or whatever is in the house at the time

ERthree · 04/02/2025 17:42

YoungGunsHavingSomeFunCrazyLadiesKeepEmOnTheRun · 04/02/2025 16:59

Ops dd isn't a soldier, she's a kid getting to grips with having a painful period.

And as for the "women died so we must get on with it", fuck that, we aren't allowed to admit periods are painful and want a bit of comfort or chocolate because women died for equal rights years ago?

I hope you never complain about periods, or pregnancy, or childbirth or menopause, after all, women died so we have to keep our pain silent in order to respect them apparently, FFS.

Show quote history

My periods started when i was 8, absolutely flooding by 10 and on the pill by 14 to try and ease them, i had endometriosis for 30 years, 5 pregnancies, 3 births, a hysterectomy and i am in the middle of the menopause and yes i can honestly say i just get on with it, of course i have whinged about it all, ran a hot bath and taken pain killers but i haven't had to have a pamper night, the world didn't stop because i had my period.

Oioisavaloy27 · 04/02/2025 17:42

Sometimes my bloody sugar levels drop when I have my period so I crave sweet stuff, surely your not begrudging her a bit of chocolate that's a bit mean!

Oioisavaloy27 · 04/02/2025 17:44

ERthree · 04/02/2025 17:42

My periods started when i was 8, absolutely flooding by 10 and on the pill by 14 to try and ease them, i had endometriosis for 30 years, 5 pregnancies, 3 births, a hysterectomy and i am in the middle of the menopause and yes i can honestly say i just get on with it, of course i have whinged about it all, ran a hot bath and taken pain killers but i haven't had to have a pamper night, the world didn't stop because i had my period.

Show quote history

You are 30 years old this is a kid aged 14.

LlynTegid · 04/02/2025 17:44

The 'all my friends have this' claim would make me less sympathetic. Otherwise I'd be in favour.

Anothershittydayinparadise · 04/02/2025 17:46

Dd16 is currently on her period (she suffers horribly from them) and I'm a stressed out miserable perimenopausal 52 year old. We popped into Tesco today and they had large Toblerones reduced to £2. We are currently sat Infront of the fire munching our way through said yummy bar.
Chocolate makes us happy.

YoungGunsHavingSomeFunCrazyLadiesKeepEmOnTheRun · 04/02/2025 17:46

ERthree · 04/02/2025 17:42

My periods started when i was 8, absolutely flooding by 10 and on the pill by 14 to try and ease them, i had endometriosis for 30 years, 5 pregnancies, 3 births, a hysterectomy and i am in the middle of the menopause and yes i can honestly say i just get on with it, of course i have whinged about it all, ran a hot bath and taken pain killers but i haven't had to have a pamper night, the world didn't stop because i had my period.

Show quote history

I always had to get on with it too, that's why I wouldn't want my kids to suffer the same way I have, I want better for them.

Wouldn't things have been a bit nicer for you as a child if you had a cuddle and sympathy? Or should everyone suffer just because you did?

This kid is asking for chocolate, not the moon on a stick.

GiddyRobin · 04/02/2025 17:46

ERthree · 04/02/2025 17:42

My periods started when i was 8, absolutely flooding by 10 and on the pill by 14 to try and ease them, i had endometriosis for 30 years, 5 pregnancies, 3 births, a hysterectomy and i am in the middle of the menopause and yes i can honestly say i just get on with it, of course i have whinged about it all, ran a hot bath and taken pain killers but i haven't had to have a pamper night, the world didn't stop because i had my period.

Show quote history

Maybe you should, it might cheer you up. DH came back this morning with two lovely flat whites, and he's popped to the cheese shop this afternoon. Can't wait to eat cheese and olives in the bath later. 😁 It's lovely when someone who adores you shows it and you don't even have to ask.

littleluncheon · 04/02/2025 17:47

Feel sad for everyone whose husbands aren't running them a bath and nipping to the shop for chocolate when they're on their period!

Mine isn't overly romantic in general but even he manages that much.

RampantIvy · 04/02/2025 17:47

Quinlan · 04/02/2025 16:37

Maybe I’m a bit weird but surely there is chocolate available in the house? I mean, not loads but it’s a pretty normal thing to have in the snacky box for when someone fancies a treat snack.
Just buy some chocolate?

No. We don't keep chocolate in the house as a rule.

Maybe we are the weird ones 😁