DD demanding chocolate when she's on her period

[Homeymum2]

My 14 yo DD insists that all her friends parents buy them chocolates and pamper them when they are cycling -

I'm being told I'm a terrible mum and badgered for chocolates

Am I an outlier to not cater to this?

Most chocolate that people crave is high sugar which causes inflammation and likely to make period pain worse.
Or cause it in the first place.

Very dark low or no sugar chocolate may help because of the magnesium and other substances in the cacao bean but it’s bitter and an acquired taste, unlikely to appeal to someone craving a sweet treat.

It sounds like some awful American thing that has come through tiktok or similar.
Do Americans still do 'period parties'?
My sweet summer 11 yo dd has said to me 'when I get my period I'm just going to eat chocolate all day.' I have to stop myself doing a head tilt and saying 'bless'.
I had no help or even information from my mum as a teen & had to deal with periods on my own. I'll be there for my dd.

I get wanting to look after your young teen because periods as a teen are shit, but you learn to deal with it, and no one's going to 'pamper' you when you grow up & go out to work or whatever.

Can she not buy her own chocolate anyway?

It's great isn't it(!)

I've had heavy painful periods since I started them at 9. When I was about 30 I mentioned to the GP I thought I might have endometriosis. Got a head tilt and "if you don't want the pill there's nothing we can do, no we wouldn't do a referral"
I didn't know much about it then and thought oh well that must be normal

Went for a kidney scan after changing doctors which found a big ovary cyst. They sent me for an ultrasound and MRI. Referred to gynae with a 12 - 18 month wait

I'm 41 at this point and found to be so full with endometriosis that I need surgery with a bowel surgeon there, risking having my ovaries removed, a catheter, 2 giant cysts, my ovaries tied together with scar tissue....and it's another 6 months for the surgery

'every woman' doesn't know this. I've never heard of period cravings before this thread! Pregnancy cravings, yes. But periods? No

I'm with you on this. It's feels somehow anti-sisterhood these days to say 'erm I barely notice when I have my period actually, it is and always has been a non-issue'. So it would seem to men reading this stuff that all women are laid low on the sofa for a week a month

She will remember the little things like that one day rather the big gestures. If someone asked me what made my mum so kind/loving etc, it'd be the things like sending me surprise packages at university with brownies, not the bigger things like financial help.

It's not anti-sisterhood to say you're lucky with your periods. It is if you're saying that because you can manage, everyone else can.

Naproxen doesn't properly touch my periods but it's the only thing they'll prescribe me. I still vomit, am doubled over in pain and pass huge clots every month - thankfully mine only last three days. I don't care that some hypothetical man reading this thread might think women are delicate or incapable based on that. They can think what they like. We shouldn't have to feel like we're letting the side down if our biology genuinely affects us.

I tend to crave red meat when I have my period just to throw that into the mix. Is that more or less entitled than chocolate?

What do you mean by ‘surely women shouldn’t become invalids for 25% of their lives’.

You can say what you want about your own period, as long as you realise it’s not the same for everyone, and therefore what works for one person won’t work for another.

Are these the same men who get out a raggy dressing gown and make death rattles every time they have a cold? Because their opinions on what women are supposedly like on their periods is of no value to anyone. If as a woman you never have a bad period or the menopause is a non event for you, great. But most women will face a gynaecological issue at some point in their lives. To talk about it, it does start small. It’s that token of sympathy even if it’s not ‘that bad’ (and even without pain, it’s not exactly a pleasant experience). It’s recognising just because it has to happen doesn’t mean it’s a non event.

I think it's more anti-sisterhood to dismiss somebody's pain just because it's originating from their uterus, so cannot possibly be as bad as they think and even if it is, tough shit, stop whining and get on with your housework/chores like a normal little fembot.

I've run the First Aid/Medical room in a school. Some girls would occasionally come along if they were having a particularly painful period, if they needed some spare clothing, some you'd never see unless they needed an extra pad and some would look grey, some would throw up or faint, plenty had period shits (diarrhoea and bowel pain), some had the sharp pain nicknamed javelin arse (there's a version that goes straight up the pubis, too), some were later diagnosed with endometriosis and/or severe anaemia and some had full blown contractions and would pass decidual casts before falling asleep from exhaustion. And some would decide that if this is just all part of being a woman that they weren't having anything to do with the entire business (yes, often Autistic) and they would do anything to stop this continuing for the next 40 years.

The one thing that stood out was that being caring towards them made them feel better. For some it was being sympathetic and encouraging them to move around (and go back to class), others needed a calm person to fetch them emergency clothing, some needed an independent adult to call home to let them know that this was not a normal level of pain and a GP appointment would be a good idea and some needed twenty minutes to curl up with a hot water bottle to get over the sharpest pains before returning to class for the rest of the day. Oh, and somebody to supervise them taking their painkillers to make sure that they didn't accidentally overdose by taking more over the course of a day.

Nobody's period ever became pleasant or inconsequential as a result of another woman telling them one way or another tough luck, this is your life as long as you have a uterus, you're letting The Side Down. And it makes me sad to think of the thousands of girls I saw, for some of them, I could have been the only woman who had spoken to them kindly about it.

This is how mine are too and have been since the first one, something my DM had never experienced herself and yet she managed to be nurturing and supportive of me. I’ve had four unmedicated births and they were a cakewalk in comparison to the menstrual cramps I have every month, I’ll gladly accept some chocolate and pampering and supply it for my daughters as well.

Bloody hell. She's your daughter. She's feeling a bit ropey. She fancies some chocolate that will cost you less than a quid. Isn't this the kind of stuff that mums are for?

I'm 44 and my mum came over and made me dippy eggs this week because I've got a rotten cold.

The thing is my mum likes me. And I like my kids. We all look after each other.

Unless there is as backstory here of being manipulative I would view this as a chance to connect with her and have some empathy.

choc can definitely help and a little bit of chocolate with some time spent discussing self care could help. I don’t think it’s something to resist personally…

Gosh, what a lovely Mum you have, it's great she is fit and healthy. My dm hasn't cooked for me since I was I think 19. I'm now in my late 30s and always running around after everyone else! Sorry...I digress

DD used coffee and chocolate as crutches when pain was bad. She now has an implant which has lessened the cramps though increased the length and number of periods. She still prefers this to the debilitating pain she went through one day each month.

This. Chocolate is not a cure. Give her some paracetamol and a hot water bottle.

It may not be a cure but it’s a huge comfort.

I'm menopausal so it's all over for me.

I never needed someone to make a fuss over me when I had a period. I didn't ever have pain beyond the reach of paracetamol, I didn't get PMT and I didn't crave chocolate. It was annoying and tedious but I really wouldn't have appreciated anyone - mum or husband - making any kind of fuss

Whilst I do get your point about minimising sime wome 's realities, I also don't think we should be reinforcing the idea that normal female bodily functions mean that we all need to hide in a bubble bath clutching a bar of Galaxy.

In that situation I would let your dd take the lead, just being there for her when she needs you is fine. She'll sharp let you know what she wants I'm sure. Hopefully she'll have the freedom to get herself some chocolate from the shop with pocket money if she wants it.

Honestly my dm was useless when I got my period at 13, she'd had a hysterectomy about 5 years before, and apparently this meant she knew nothing about them, or what products to get. She threw a huge pack of massive thick pads on my bed (they were long and super thick, like for women who have just given birth). I cried when I tried one, because you could see it through my underwear and it was huge, so I ended up getting my own eventually, I told her they were wrong. I learnt from a friend whose Mum had gotten her appropriate smaller thinner size pads for a 13 year old, and was shocked she had little scented bags to put them in. It was so different.
On the plus side I had pocket money so could get chocolate when I wanted. The memory of dm acting so cold and awkwardly haunts me to this day though.

We only have a DS but in all honesty this threats had made me think what message I would Like To pass.

I think as soon as he in old enough to understand that women have periods I am going to teach him:
a) they are grim, the poor girl/woman will feel icky, probably have hormonal skin, maybe headaches, maybe cramps, maybe sweats. That bleeding isn’t nice. This isn’t their fault. Dont
mock their skin or bloat.
b) that there are unavoidable hormonal swings associated with periods and that girls may be more easily offended or less tolerant or less secure around this time
c) that food needs to remain nutritious around this time but that added treats are absolutely essential
d) that low energy is completely expected for a 1-4 day window without complaint but also without writing off other overall fitness intentions
e) that irrespective of all the above no woman has the right to behave completely rudely, be utterly out of control or otherwise be unmanageably challenging during this time unless they are actively seeking medical assistance. Also that they shouldnt assume a woman at this time of the month will struggle or fail.

By this I mean I want my son to have respect and empathy for women’s cycles without the stress of feeling he has to accept any and all behaviour no matter how extreme.

i wouldn’t want to see him literally grovelling at a woman and have to pamper to
a detrimental effect, but what’s actually wrong with a bit of love and fuss at a time if a woman feeling at best sub-par?

To quote another poster: laid low on the sofa for a week a month

FFS
As women
Can we not all agree that one woman/girls experience is not another's. And the medical profession and society don't treat women and their symptoms as seriously or equally.

Mine were bloody debilitating and cost me
Lots and lots of time of school and work.
Fainting. Vomiting, agony &
I always wanted to eat a man made of
Chips holding a bar of galaxy!

My mum was an arse, as "it's just the way it is"
Not forgotten

(Latterly - in my 40s diagnosed with endometriosis) after being told it's normal

If it's easy for you - great. Aren't you lucky

It's hell on earth for others and this poor kid wants her mam to treat her kindly.

And some
Of
The names on here are REGULAR posters on the "feminist" boards - ha.

@NightFeeds whilst you are at it teach him that women can't 'hold it in' there are a shocking number of boys (I taught the menstrual cycle at Secondary) and even men who believe that it all works the same as urinating/defecating because of course that's their experience. A surprising number don't realise that there is no biological control on how the blood actually leaves the body

But what wrong with hiding in the bath with a bar of Galaxy? Whats wrong with relaxing when our periods make us unwell or uncomfortable. Personally I can’t stand competitive stiff upper lip behaviour