DD demanding chocolate when she's on her period

[Homeymum2]

My 14 yo DD insists that all her friends parents buy them chocolates and pamper them when they are cycling -

I'm being told I'm a terrible mum and badgered for chocolates

Am I an outlier to not cater to this?

I couldn’t get through a period without a giant bar of dairy milk. Periods are rough and I would absolutely have chocolate and sympathy for my DD if she was having rubbish time of it. My mum and I would often by synced so there was always chocolates and tea, hot water bottles a plenty during my periods at home. My mum will often still buy chocolate in for me visiting home. I’m sad for your daughter that this seems like such a big ask! It’s literally just a bar of chocolate? And expecting her to have saved her Christmas chocolate to last til February?? Strange!

Ah! Yes, you're probably right. I also thought typo, but my brain didn't go to crisps.

I admit I’m not one of those ‘no nonsense’ mums, I’m a mumsy mum and when I read some of the posts (not just this thread) how joyless some parents are I’m glad to be mumsy. No daughters but I’m sure if I had one there’d be a drawer just for her period chocolate, and why not 🤷‍♀️

This seems a bit miserable tbh OP. Just have chocolate in the house. If you have cookies around anyway it's surely not much of a stretch (and no worse for her).

Can’t she buy her own chocolate?

I’m sure she probably can, but if her mum is doing the weekly food shop it might be easier for her to just chuck a Dairy Milk in the trolley?

Why don't you have chocolate in the house anyway?

If she's feeling crabby then some TLC goes a long way.

I was recently talking to my siblings about how we were raised, my mother used to be so snide about ‘mumsy mums’ and weren’t we glad she wasn’t like that. We agreed that we would have done anything for a ‘mumsy mum’ in retrospect. Those kids were so loved, their homes were full of warmth. Don’t ever doubt being a ‘mumsy’ mum, you’re doing it just right from my perspective. Sorry to sidetrack the thread…

Because that is a ridiculous, over the top response.

“treat her like a baby” - not many teens would actually want that. It is strange, smothering behaviour.

“A special few days” - it’s an inconvenient few days.

Rather than all this ridiculous “we need chocolate and pampering on our periods” talk, I would rather see a post about how the debilitating impact periods can have on some women need to be taken more seriously by medical professionals, and how that change might come about.

Instead, we get post after post about needing chocolate 🙄

We always have treats/ chocolate within the house. Not free access as the children are still very young but it’s available to ask for. I would be happy to let me daughter on her period have some chocolate if that’s what she was craving. I’m not sure what the issue is unless she has weight issues?

I have 2 DD, now 21 and 19.

The older when she was the age of your DD would beg for chocolate during her period and I would occasionally provide some but often not. She later told me she cried about this; that is, she cried privately, in distress, not in my presence.

She never asked for it because her friends got it, she didn't mention them, she was telling me what her needs were. It was the only request she made. I wish I had heard her then.

The younger never asked - nor craved it - but experienced severe menstrual pain until she had an implant and is now being investigated for endometriosis. She never had an instinct that chocolate was needed.

What I have belatedly realised is that the older daughter benefitted from chocolate and it was unkind of me to withhold it. We each have individual bodies, and our hormones and needs vary accordingly.

My older daughter still asks for chocolate during her period when she's at home, and I am now always happy to provide it. I am grateful that this is the only help she needs to get through her period. It is nothing to do with pampering, but it is showing her love and care by responding to her individual and specific needs.

Completely agree this thread is nuts.

My girls have money so if they want chocolate then they buy it. Personally periods have always taken my appetite and made me a bit queasy anyway…

At 14, I would have been down at the shop buying my own chocolate after school!

Never happened to me sadly, I’m ravenous on my period!
Totally agree that the DD shouldn’t be ‘demanding’ anything, and there’s no need for her mum to be making a special trip to the shops to meet her demands, but I don’t really see the harm in her putting a chocolate bar in the trolley/online shop for her daughter if she wants one.

It's a period. She's going to go through this for years. It's generally normal and part of life. No reason to make a fuss and bother, she needs to understand now it's not an illness.

YANBU!

I’m sorry, you find taking care of your children when they’re not feeling great or need some extra TLC for a couple of days an ‘inconvenience’? When all it takes is a bar of chocolate? What viewpoints like yours cause is for girls to believe their feelings don’t matter and they must always seem fine unless absolutely dying, and that starts at home. It’s not a feminist agenda, men don’t think twice about meeting their needs when feeling anything from rotten to just a bit worn out. Women should be able to say ‘I want chocolate’ without having to justify it, make it into a taboo or suggest it’s some sort of crutch akin to addiction. I advise you have a snickers and chill.

I proactively make sure my dd has some if she wants it. She can self restrict and generally tries to eat well.
I don't restrict anything and have given them the back ground on vitamins.
I'm extremely surprised a 14 yo can't buy her own and can't get any at school.

I definitely crave chocolate so I don't see the harm in a usually good diet.

I wasn’t asking for, and do not need your advice, thank you.

Op, I think your dd should be able to have chocolate on her period. I'm healthy, 21-22 bmi, a good diet, and have always eaten something indulgent on my period. These days it is usually a few squares of dark chocolate, got to replenish the iron somehow! 😂
In my teens I had money I'd saved from my pocket money, and would buy what I wanted with it on my way home; I wasn't greedy. I started working part time at 15, so I had my wages. Some independence is good op, maybe dd doesn't need to ask you? Would you trust her? Is she a healthy weight?

I’m sure the poster you were responding to didn’t appreciate being called ‘ridiculous’ when answering the op either or needed the eye rolling, yet here we both are.

I find it quite sad a 14 year old has to demand chocolate. If I wanted chocolate at that age, I just helped myself! Unless there's some sort of back story, surely most parents don't withhold food from their teenagers!

I had completely debilitating periods as a teenager that usually required me to be off school. My mum was always at work when I was off but always made sure I had access to hot water bottles etc as needed! I can't imagine not wanting to look after your kids in that way.

I’m surprised at how periods have been made into something that needs special treatment .
Apart from informing my mother when I started my periods we never discussed it, there was no need… it never occurred to me that I might need chocolate. My friends were the same.

On the other hand it's good to know if they are very painful etc that it isn't normal so she can start getting help

I'm sat with a heat pad, tens machine and morphine and wish I had made more of a fuss earlier in my life

Indeed. Here we are. Bet she’s glad she has you to defend her though.