Periods at school but no toilet pass

[PyjamaFiasco]

Hello hive mind.

What's the policy at your/kids' secondary schools about going to the toilet in lesson?

Ours is "no toilet breaks in class without a toilet pass." A toilet pass is issued when you can provide evidence of a medical need.

My daughter is on her period this week and yesterday unfortunately leaked through her pad onto her trousers and onto the chair after she had a flooding incident. She had asked to use the toilet and was told no and didn't feel comfortable saying to a male teacher in front of the whole class "sir I'm on my period." She's feeling embarrassed that the person who went to use the chair afterwards would see it.

When you go in between lessons the toilets are rammed with students all trying to go at the same time and the 5 minutes between lessons isn't long enough to then get to the next class. Going at break or lunch is fine but when on your period you mind need to go more often/ change it more frequently.

She said she felt she had 3 options: do nothing, walk out and go to the toilet anyway and get a detention or be late to the next lesson and get a detention anyway.

I'd change schools.

Or write to my MP and the local GPs.

That is a totally unacceptable 'rule'.

What about pupils with bladder or bowel problems?

Are you saying they have to go for a whole day with no access to a toilet?

Surely it’s a case of management? These issues haven’t changed since we were at school. My school would flag those who repeatedly asked to go, or took too long, or teachers would check toilets at intervals or students not in classes during lessons. It was fine, our toilets were never vandalised that I can recall and we weren’t a particular great school (I fucking hated my school with a passion). The answer is not to restrict toilet access during lessons.
Toilets can be vandalised using breaks or between lessons, it’s not an argument.

I’d rather some kids have a sneaky vape here and there rather than let a child be humiliated, anxious, uncomfortable or in pain because they have been denied a basic human right.

Those that think it’s adequate to wait until lunch obviously don’t know what a heavy period is. All the way through school and adulthood I would regularly saturate a super plus tampon and a maternity pad in an hour. Yes I’ve been to the gp about it multiple times.
not very nice especially for a teenager that is t allowed to use the toilet and can be incredibly embarsssing.
when my daughter is old enough I would tell her to go and be late to lessons if it meant not bleeding through your uniform.
also have a look at period pants as another form of protection

Teachers know who's jumping on the bandwagon.
The way to resolve it is to say 'one at a time' so one comes back before anyone else goes.

Teachers understand which pupils will be trying it on and which are genuinely in need.

Sometimes, a 2nd pupil will ask as they are emboldened' by another pupil asking first because they were too embarrassed to ask first.

I'd never ever say a female pupil couldn't use a toilet. The risk of them having an accident is far worse than a sneaky vape (which they'd smell once they were back in the class.)

Those of you saying she should see the GP are assuming that GPs actually give a shit about women's issues. Most of us who have faced this kind of thing have been gaslight for decades by GPs. My problems were only dealt with when I have a hysterectomy privately in my late 40s.By then I was at the point of having to give up work.

I couldn't have inserted a super size tampon before I had children and a double pad would show underneath school trousers. I well remember being mortified in PE when we had to wear the hideous crimplene shorts that showed everything.

No I'm sorry since when should schools get to medicalize a biological function!
Fucking ridiculous.
Our GPs have refused to provide "medical evidence" towards so called toilet passes because everyone should be allowed to go to the toilet when necessary.
My DD cannot use tampons. She has been given the contraceptive pill despite not being sexually active to control how heavy her periods are. We've had an absolute battle with "academy rules" about being allowed to go to the toilet. It's disgusting and embarrassing. It came to the point where I said she would just be kept off during her period if school could not accommodate. Attendance team realised parents weren't playing and very quickly they would have fucked up attendance figures. 🙄

Not all teenagers are having a sneaky vape in the toilet or hiding from lessons. Most of those toilets are fucking rank. Why would teens want to piss about in them? I'd rather my kids weren't suffering because teachers and staff can't remember which kids have gone wondering off.

I completely agree. Teachers aren’t stupid, they are wise to all the behaviours because it’s been going on since the dawn of schools.

I’d so much rather someone performed a small misdemeanour rather than a child bled/wet/defecated themselves during class time, or were anxious or in pain. A child cannot learn if they are distracted by worrying about menstruation or defecation. Preventing them is worse for their schooling.

I've no doubt he's aware, which is why my DD is feeling embarrassed about being in his class the next time it's timetabled.

The situation is even worse at my daughter's school - the toilets aren't open in between lessons. Only 2 toilets are open at break and lunch. Then if her lesson is miles from the loo that eats into her break time. They had to implement this due to the number of children vaping and setting off fire alarms.

She has NOTHING to be embarrassed about. If anything, he should be.

I agree with this.

I don't think she needs to worry too much about the teacher realising that the leak came from her. They won't go broadcasting about it along the corridors. Nor would it do any harm for the teacher to realise that a blanket "no" can be really unfair and unrealistic.

In fact, if the teacher did notice this then it might just get the point across and make them actually think in future.

My daughters are a bit young for this but I’d be really unimpressed with school. I think girls should be allowed to go to the toilet when they need to. They keep supplies tampons/ pads in all the girls toilets these days which is fab. I have heavy periods and as sn adult I struggle to deal with them. Change pad/ tampon stand up to wash hands and can feel a gush.

I've said this to her but the confidence that comes after years of having periods and maturing as a woman hasn't happened yet and my DD is still in the "I'll die if the teacher knows it was me" phase of teenagehood.

She's allowed to feel embarrassed! She's not doing anything wrong by not wanting her male teacher to know.

god. She is 12 this is awful. You definitely have to raise it with the head. Flooding in public is so distressing.

all these suggestion are but ridiculous because she should be able to use the loo. You shouldn’t be forced to use or insert things into your bag that you don’t want to appeal to draconian toilet rules.

super tampons are uncomfortable as is sitting in a full/flooded pad or clot. The solution is going to the toilet!

I get this completely, it’s really hard to be a teenager. It’s really rubbish that this happened to her.

Maybe remind her that the teacher likely has a wife or girlfriend, daughter or niece and has likely handled situations like this 1000 times. Plus all the PSHE training they need to do - he won't bat an eye.

he won't bat an eye.

Hopefully he did bat an eye. Hopefully it gave him pause to think.

Sorry this situation will give him pause, no doubt. What I meant was he won't bat an eye at a girl having a period and needing to deal with it on an unscheduled loo break.

It’s dangerous to generalise of course but I get the impression behaviour has changed and got considerably worse in some schools at least, compared with when we were at school.

I’ve a friend who is an assistant head at a well-respected secondary and I was horrified to learn she spends many of her break times literally standing outside and policing the toilets, mainly due to vaping but bullying and vandalism too. So in her school this doesn’t go on in break time, as a rule.

I’ve heard lots of other similar tales, it’s not all at the so-called “sink” schools (not that it would be ok there either). There have also been issues with sexual assault in school toilets, anecdotally this seems worse now that many schools have done away with separate girls and boys toilets and have replaced them with fully enclosed unisex cubicles.

I’m appalled at how strict some of the schools are on restricting toilet access, but equally it seems some restrictions are necessary. And it’s not right that huge amounts of school time and resources are dedicated to policing the toilets/monitoring and punishing misbehaviour etc, when the focus should of course be on teaching and learning.

It really makes me despair.

Two minutes late to a lesson when I was at school would have got you a detention. If a child is on a period, that should be enough for a toilet pass. Whoever implemented this policy clearly didn’t think it through.

12 year old girls (or any female) should not be having to think about shoving two tampons in or wearing multiple layers of sanitary protection that can be uncomfortable, not to mwntion they feel gross once full. They should be allowed to use the toilet- a basic human right.

My daughter is (hopefully!) many years off periods, but I'm already making sure she knows that if she needs the toilet, she goes and that she is polite but stands her ground with anyone who tries go stop her.

Two fucking tampons. She's 12!!!

Another thing you could do is send her with baby wipes, that way she might be able to wipe it quickly after everyone has left that lesson…….

Just realised you haven't specified her age, but the point still stands - she's a young teenager.