Periods at school but no toilet pass

[PyjamaFiasco]

Hello hive mind.

What's the policy at your/kids' secondary schools about going to the toilet in lesson?

Ours is "no toilet breaks in class without a toilet pass." A toilet pass is issued when you can provide evidence of a medical need.

My daughter is on her period this week and yesterday unfortunately leaked through her pad onto her trousers and onto the chair after she had a flooding incident. She had asked to use the toilet and was told no and didn't feel comfortable saying to a male teacher in front of the whole class "sir I'm on my period." She's feeling embarrassed that the person who went to use the chair afterwards would see it.

When you go in between lessons the toilets are rammed with students all trying to go at the same time and the 5 minutes between lessons isn't long enough to then get to the next class. Going at break or lunch is fine but when on your period you mind need to go more often/ change it more frequently.

She said she felt she had 3 options: do nothing, walk out and go to the toilet anyway and get a detention or be late to the next lesson and get a detention anyway.

Presumably she wasn't expecting a flood.

Yes this is a recipe for toxic shock. Why are do many faulting this child for having uncontrollable bleeding rather than the school for being unreasonable?

Many older women don't use tampons either. I was once working in a setting where my volunteer said she'd have to avoid joining in swimming lessons in the actual pool as she didn't use tampons- woman in her 40s, with kids.

@PyjamaFiasco a possible suggestion you can put to the school is that a nominated female teacher or support staff is in charge of the toilet passes for girls who are on their period. We had one and while as a mother to girls now I hate that they will have to ask permission for such a basic human need, it did work well at my school.

it was the admin lady at the front of school, girls could go and explain they are having their cycle and they’d be given a pass for the week, no questions asked by other teachers or needing to discuss it with male teachers if the girls are uncomfortable. She also had emergency supplies and it just made the whole experience less mortifying. As a girl who leaked through her clothes many times having that kind lady to go to for help because it was “her role” made life so much easier and less shameful, as wrong as that sounds I know but young girls can feel a lot of shame around their cycles. I know schools are stretched but this really wouldn’t take up a considerable amount of time to add to someone’s job. If the school thought it was being abused then a follow up chat with a parent was had but I never experienced any problems.

You've described my daughters school. They have to have an escort to the toilet if they have to go during lesson (normally they aren't allowed to go at all). Lunch time is a shit show with the queue too long to get lunch and not be late to the next lesson so my daughter often doesn't bother buying anything and goes hungry.

They are issued detention for being late to class after lunch so it's easier to go hungry. It makes me angry. The teachers wouldn't go without lunch.

Sorry, haven't read all replies but what I haven't noticed is anyone asking, what if the poor girl STARTS her period - sometimes totally unexpectedly and especially when a young teen - during a lesson?

Locking toilets??? Dear God, what have things come to? The poor girls are also expected to announce in public they are on their period,? I know I'm old now but I would have died a death rather than do that and I was at a girls only school.

I think there are times when the 60's calling would be a major step forward.🤬.

OP I agree with others, get in touch with the school. If I’m honest, I’d complain, but I strongly disagree with the attitude towards not allowing toilet breaks during lessons because there are a multitude of reasons why a child might need access to a toilet that isn’t covered under medical grounds. I think it’s horrifically wrong. Same as not being allowed to take off or not on clothing depending on your own body temperature.

So sorry for your daughter. I suffered with extremely heavy periods and it’s so stressful.

Moreover, if you use the Mirena coil, you're advised that you should probably avoid tampons. (At least that's on the leaflet that I got. Now in my 60s, but I've been given the coil in order to prevent uterine cancer.)

Not missing the point - I suggested she contacts the school and gets a pass.

My DD can't use the toilet at school at all - access they say is there isn't and they won't budge - and they lie saying access is possible. Some of DD friends took to truanting on certain days it was that bad. Other parents have tried to get change - I've tried.

Problem is at DC school they had thousands of pounds worth of toilet damage over nearly 2 years so they are locked and the school including governors aren't budging - they warned and now the toilet are locked theoretically there and in practise hard to access as it requires adult supervision when unlocked.

I can get as angry as I want - they aren't budging. Hopefully Op school will just give a pass and it will be a non issue going forward.

The heavy flooding has, so far, just been a one off. It's more the general policy the school has that I wanted to ask about, and the fact it's caused a stress with DD about it potentially happening again. Period pants at least seem like an option if we need them.

She was very conscious that the student who sat in the chair after her would mention it to the teacher and that the teacher would know it was DD because there's a seating plan. I've explained so many times that periods aren't something that should cause shame but she's only young and still finds the public side of it embarrassing.

I’m 30ms and I don’t use tampons. Don’t trust them, never have. Tampons shouldn’t be an answer and girls and women shouldn’t be penalised for choosing not to wear them.

For fucks sakes, it’s the 21st century and women are still suffering for having periods. I’m so sick of the world.

I've never got on with tampons - they would increase the cramping to point of not being able to move.

Two night time pads - one in front of the other with some overlap, not on top of each other, so it deals with the squirting via the bum crack issue.

When she gets older, a menstrual cup was life changing.

I wish schools wouldn't ban class time toilet breaks. It was the same at my high school and made me leak so many times.

"miss I'm on my period can I go to the toilet."

Wouldn't it be great if the girls could just say this? - if lessons about human biology/class rules made it clear to the class that this is OK? If the boys in the class got to hear that too.

Love the poster whose wonderful son helped a classmate who had a leakage problem - what a lovely lad. My 12 year old GS quite happily chatted with us about his girlfriend having a period problem one day - no embarrassment; just factual and sympathetic. This is where we need to be aiming. The more there is all this whispering and "code red" the longer this nonsense will go on.

I have sympathy for both the girl in the scenario but also for the teacher. Once they let one go to the toilet 5 others want to go. And some teen girls will totally take the piss and say they're on their period in order to go and vape or mess about in the loo. My daughter said some girls claimed to have their period every time there was a sport they didn't like in PE and teachers couldn't challenge them on it.
Having said all that it's totally unacceptable for a child not to be able to go in case of genuine need (equally a boy who suddenly feels they need to have diarrhoea for example) and at the end of the day, I think we should teach our children, in case of genuine need just walk out if teacher sats no, and I'll back you up. But if you take the piss, I'll back the school all the way.

She shouldn’t worry that the teacher would know it was her, that teacher needs to understand that these situations happen and their automatic no’s without a little critical thinking is insane.

The whole thing is utterly ridiculous.

How appropriate the second half of your name is. How do you know that? About every woman? Ridiculous!

@PyjamaFiasco I have been through this with my DD. She was 12 when she started her periods and for the first 6 months were incredibly heavy to the point she couldn't go an hour without needing to change her pad. At 12 I was not comfortable with her using tampons and she didn't want to use tampons. Once she was a bit older she progressed to tampons.

She gets the school bus which extends her day somewhat.

I spoke with her form tutor and head of year, both of whom are women. The initially refused to let her have a toilet pass saying 50% of the school had periods and were capable of managing them during breaks and lunchtime. It was when I went into detail of exactly how heavy they were and how Draconian they were being that they reluctantly issued her with a pass with strict instructions about not mis-using it. Thankfully her periods are more 'normal' now so she doesn't need to use her pass anymore.

If your DDs periods are heavy please keep on at the school as I think it's disgusting that girls are being made to feel scared and anxious about not being allowed to clean themselves up. Yes, most girls manage their periods perfectly well. I have never had a problem with mine so didn't believe initially that my DDs were so heave until she showed me.

@PyjamaFiasco

I would tell my daughter to walk out and then I'd get ready to apply pressure to Head Teacher about whether it's lawful to punish a girl for not wanting to mention her period in front of the whole class and effectively punishing her for tending to a biological function she cannot do anything about.

• sorry, couldn't delete the above tag for OP so left the comment in here.

@Mischance I get what you're saying but tbh I think it's perfectly fine for young girls (and women, too!) not to want to discuss their periods with all and sundry).

I am lucky that post children my periods have settled down but as teen my periods were unpredictable, heavy, very painful, accompanied by upset stomach and I was shy and mortified. Flooding happens. Especially if you've been sitting down for a while. Even the going to the toilets with the rustle or the products and the fear of 'people knowing". I absolutely agree that society should be moving towards no shame in normal bodily functions but I also know that even now I would rather my colleagues didn't know when I was on my period.

I am heading into peri-menopause and my periods have started to be a bit more unpredictable again - I flooded on the day my period normally ends when en route to visit my dying grandmother in hospital. I managed to get myself to a loo with a change of clothes and didn't bump into anyone I know but at 40 I can cope.

I would suggest period pants, plus a good pad, plus trying tampons (but maybe on a non school day first) and that way you have back up. I would also suggest having a talk to GP about possible medications. Going on the pill at 21 transformed my life and not because of sex!

Also schools should be a bit more tuned into a reasonable request to go to the loo.

You can be pretty sure the teacher is aware now, I would imagine any pupil who had to sit in the chair next flagged it. I hope he feels like absolute shit.

I have always to mine if they NEED to go and are refused they should just go, I will deal with any issues that come afterwards.

Genuine question as I can see both sides of the argument - how do you distinguish between menstruating girls and girls who are taking the p1ss/skiving off/vaping in or vandalising toilets?
What about girls who are both - eg troublemakers when they are on their period?

Like you I hate the idea of menstruating girls being denied access to the toilets, but equally I can’t see it’s workable to give all girls free access to the toilets at all times. I don’t know what the answer is but it’s not that.

I started my period at age 11 and wasn't comfortable putting anything inside my vagina until I was much older. Not everyone wants to use tampons.

And you've just described my daughters school. There's been times when my daughters have gone without lunch because the queues are too long or they're barged out of the way by older boys who think it's fun to queue jump.