Periods at school but no toilet pass

[PyjamaFiasco]

Hello hive mind.

What's the policy at your/kids' secondary schools about going to the toilet in lesson?

Ours is "no toilet breaks in class without a toilet pass." A toilet pass is issued when you can provide evidence of a medical need.

My daughter is on her period this week and yesterday unfortunately leaked through her pad onto her trousers and onto the chair after she had a flooding incident. She had asked to use the toilet and was told no and didn't feel comfortable saying to a male teacher in front of the whole class "sir I'm on my period." She's feeling embarrassed that the person who went to use the chair afterwards would see it.

When you go in between lessons the toilets are rammed with students all trying to go at the same time and the 5 minutes between lessons isn't long enough to then get to the next class. Going at break or lunch is fine but when on your period you mind need to go more often/ change it more frequently.

She said she felt she had 3 options: do nothing, walk out and go to the toilet anyway and get a detention or be late to the next lesson and get a detention anyway.

I'll probably be berated for saying this, but if I had a girl constantly using her period as an excuse to get out - by that, I mean asking out every week - I'd point out that I had to keep a note of who'd been out during class time and that if they were having to go out that often they should see a doctor.

I'll admit that a male teacher probably couldn't say that and I did sometimes get an angry reaction from those who where just wanting out for a fly fag. (I retired 6 yrs ago...It's vapes nowadays.)

It’s dangerous to generalise of course but I get the impression behaviour has changed and got considerably worse in some schools at least, compared with when we were at school

Well in the 60s-mid 80s they'd use corporal punishment for misbehaviour, so students were scared into submission

Then we realised how shit that was for young people, so rules relaxed, as they ought. Then, there came a time where students capitalised on the fact that teachers couldn't give them a sneaky whack or even put them into solitary.

Students would "rebel" in the past by sneaking fags round the back of the bins and smoking with the teachers.

School intake sizes increased massively whilst at the same time, Budgets for schools were stripped massively so having break cover staff to monitor behaviour in common spaces at schools got scrapped.

As a result some students (probably more than parents realise) now Use an unsupervised bathroom as their only option for rebellion. Because that's the only space they can actually remain unseen, and smoking round the back of the bins is now legally impossible.

It really does depend on the school.

We had a pupil with Chron's and the Depute sent round an email telling us that the boy was to be allowed to leave class without asking and it had been agreed that the lad would use the Depute's bathroom. (The Depute simply used the staff toilet.)

You do not have very heavy periods if a tampon and towel work for an hour.

You might have heavy periods, but not the kind that flood through various layers.

My daughter had a toilet pass for heavy periods (she needed a full blood transfusion after her first period). Just ask for one for heavy periods.

This. Access to a toilet is a basic human right. I understand that schools face different challenges but ending toilet facilities isn’t on.

I wish we could give teen girls the confidence we have as adult women. If this was a workplace you can be damn sure we'd be banding together, making red flags to wave at The Toilet Time Controller. I would be aiming to maximise others discomfort at the idea of needing the toilet whenever I wanted it cos I'm a woman & I bleed in a way I can't control. We'd have our own fucking 'I'm Spartacus' moment every damn time someone tried to deny us access.

If I had daughters I'd be encouraging tangible action. My sister has daughters, though, & you can be damn sure she will too should my nieces face this bullshit at school.

It just would not happen to adults, it's insane. It is also helping to feed period stigma, creating fear & shame. It also increases the chances of bullying when girls do, inevitably, have an accident.

Damn, my bra just combusted... 🔥👙🔥

PyjamaFiasco If you don't have any luck just asking for a toilet pass, its worth knowing that the schools toilet policy discriminates against girls.
The Equality Act 2010 states;

''Indirect discrimination occurs when a policy which applies in the same way for everybody has an effect which particularly disadvantages people with a protected characteristic.''
www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2010/15/notes/division/3/2/2/7

This really angers me, I have suffered with very heavy periods and when I needed to go to the loo I needed to go the loo - I will just flood.
Fortunately, the teachers at the all-girls school that my DD attends are, from what I've heard, very understanding. My daughter's sole problem is that the school locks the loos and then forgets to open them during break, which occasionally leaves her without a chance to use them. When staff members are informed about the locked doors, a queue has formed which means she may have to miss another opportunity to use the toilets as break finishes.

Some of the replies on this thread are unbelievable. My periods were unpredictable as a teenager. Some of my periods were really light and some could be really heavy. There was nothing wrong with me. It was my body adjusting. It also took me a few years to get the hang of tampons.

Change school - we can't afford to move house, can't afford private , local schools are all full and even if I could get a transfer most do similar with toilets here for similar reasons.

Nieces school in different part of the UK did the same for same reason - and she had similar theoretical access vs actual access and a much longer journey home so she found it more a problem.

Also it was finally implemented in DD2 Y10 - a year GCSE exam here are sat as well as Y11 - plus many GCSE courses started end of Y9 last term. So a school move would have massively adversely affected her option choice and possible GCSE.

Local counsellor are the governors who have been approached not least by us- same party as local MP - who others claim to have written to and got nowhere. School claims there is access at breaks kids say there really isn't - school gets believed over the kids and they can cite a huge bill for vandalism over many years to back their policy of current stated restriction.

Bowel and bladder problems or any medical condition they can get a pass - though may need GP support and frankly not always easy then.

I don't like the policy - but DD needs me to fight other battles for her with school and we both have to deal with the RL and look at wider picture. We're not stupid we have tried but DD2 now thinks situation with toilets is manageable mainly as we do live very close by till she shortly leaves.

I tried them once and was perplex why anyone would find it comfortable or acceptable to insert an absorbent item into themselves. Never used them since.

Really not acceptable on their part.

My daughter has a toilet pass due to a diagnosis of PCOS and her unpredicatable very heavy periods. It took years of me fighting the school though. My daughter would message me when she leaked through and id phone the school and tell them to go and collect her from the classrooom in a way that doesnt shame or embarrass her, then pick her up to come home and clean herself up and get new uniforms etc. Its disgusting that they dont make allowances for young girls getting to grips with their periods whether they have a medical issue or not.

@User67556

Really wow even with heavy periods I would have prevented leakage with a super super tampon (sometimes 2) and a big thick pad (sometimes 2!) I feel for anyone who that wouldn't work for.

Wearing two tampons at once increases the risk of toxic shock syndrome. And can also cause one to get wedged and require intervention to remove it.

Dangerous and irresponsible to suggest it's even an option.

But why should she need to. It’s abusive to deny a child access to the toilet to the point where a basic biological function should cause distress or embarrassment. If my child had come home with clothing soiled like this because she hadn’t been allowed to sort herself out I’d be raging. And in addition schools are storing up trouble for later years. Regularly holding in urine or faeces can lead to infections digestive issues, dehydration and long term health problems from resulting incontinence.

Reading this really boils my piss.

As the Dad of 2 girls, if this happened to them then I wouldn’t be amused.

For me, it’s another example of how socialisation in a patriarchal society a) creates law-like abstractions that take on a quality of symbolic violence and b) marginalises the needs of women.

Good luck with taking the school policy writer to task on that, op.

Not sure if this was directed at me or another poster, but my DD is 12.

I really think it’s as simple as writing a note for her to pass a teacher if she needs it during the time she’s on her period. No one needs to be contacting governors or even teachers.

We had these stupid rules at my daughter's girls school. I did complain but the Head of Year cited behaviour. On period days my daughter would use an extra thick pad and go all day with it because there was no chance of using the loo at breaks, they were rammed.

And what of her education? How is she able to absorb information when her mind is constantly on whether she's bleeding through her clothes?

Not sure what you’re getting at here. I was making the point that she shouldn’t have to rely on wet wipes - she should be allowed access to the toilet before bleeding through her clothes makes a major clean up necessary.

My school was like this decades ago. I used to just stay home on my heaviest day, but I'm guessing the attendance obsession means that isn't an option now.

I agree with the poster upthread who pointed out that it's less harmful to risk having teenagers smoking or chatting in toilets than to make someone soil or bleed on themselves because of a policy saying they're not allowed to go.

My parents told me to get up and walk out if I needed to, because I'd get over having a detention far quicker than I'd get over having an accident in front of peers. Of course that doesn't help girls now if the toilets are actually locked! That shouldn't be allowed.

I thought that poster was agreeing with you and saying there's also the impact on her education as well.