Periods at school but no toilet pass

[PyjamaFiasco]

Hello hive mind.

What's the policy at your/kids' secondary schools about going to the toilet in lesson?

Ours is "no toilet breaks in class without a toilet pass." A toilet pass is issued when you can provide evidence of a medical need.

My daughter is on her period this week and yesterday unfortunately leaked through her pad onto her trousers and onto the chair after she had a flooding incident. She had asked to use the toilet and was told no and didn't feel comfortable saying to a male teacher in front of the whole class "sir I'm on my period." She's feeling embarrassed that the person who went to use the chair afterwards would see it.

When you go in between lessons the toilets are rammed with students all trying to go at the same time and the 5 minutes between lessons isn't long enough to then get to the next class. Going at break or lunch is fine but when on your period you mind need to go more often/ change it more frequently.

She said she felt she had 3 options: do nothing, walk out and go to the toilet anyway and get a detention or be late to the next lesson and get a detention anyway.

That wouldn't have worked for me. I could flood through a super plus tampon and pad and down my legs within 20 minutes or less.

OP, you need to discuss this with the school. It's not on to prevent a girl with heavy flooding periods from using the toilet.

If this happens again she should just go to the toilet anyway, and I too am usually of the "support the school" persuasion.

I understand the problem of some kids taking the piss and causing problems in the toilets during lesson time, but they can't be allowed to sabotage the dignity of those with real medical need.

I used to have extremely heavy flooding periods. If anyone had ever told me that I could not use the toilet during one then I would have had no option but to disregard them.

If your DD is regularly having very heavy periods has she seen the doctor about it? Maybe she should?

It's like the benefits system isn't it? We know there is a small fraction of society who abuse the system. The solution is not to remove the system. We accept the abuse of bathroom visits in teen girls because the alternative is truly awful.

Thats terrible how she’s been treated, I would tell her next time get up and state she is going to the toilet and walk out, he can’t stop her walking out of the classroom and would have a looked a bloody fool afterwards…..excuse the pun…….but definitely speak to the school, that can’t be left unknown and him doing it to others………

Imagine being somewhere that didn't trust you to decide when you needed to go to the toilet. Schools have lost the plot imo and it will be difficult for them to wheel back from. How about a policy where children are trusted for this most basic level of independence as a standard?

Seriously? You think that a young girl struggling to use a tampon will find a mooncup easier? Never mind the logistics of washing it out.

All the new builds in my LA have the toilet area sinks open to the corridor.

At my kids school, break is 15 minutes and lunch is 30 minutes. The queues for the toilet at break means not everyone gets to go, At lunchtime there is time to queue and go, but that may mean not having a chance to eat.

No, I disagree. I leaked last week during a meeting after just an hour. This isn’t about what the OP’s DD can do, this is about the school not allowing children their basic human rights.

Op, I really feel for your DD and am furious on her behalf.

Period pants are new last decade or so - and are great.

There are ones that help with avoiding leaks and one that are okay to deal with periods on their own ( though you can and we do use with pads on top). My DD have both - as do I now.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08K4GSJQK/ref=sns_myd_detail_page

These pads are very good.

Period pants:

https://www.cheekywipes.com/heavy-flow-period-pants-pads.html
https://wuka.co.uk/collections/period-pants-girls-teens

Amazon got a whole range - and I saw them in Salisbury's last time I was in - Primark do them M&S.

Also they do period swimwear - it works and made DD2 and my holiday much better.

I would also contact head of year and explain situation and see if they can get a pass.

DD2 school getting to unlocked toilets in break times quite the task - so might want to ask about actual access.

I spent nearly 15 years having heavy periods - then had kids and it massively improved - never got a GP to take it serious and do anything other than offer the pill - which badly affected me and I was told it wasn't doing so. Worth trying but I would go in with low expectations.

Walk out or be late to the next lesson, and politely explain to the teacher at the end. Be prepared to take the detention if necessary.

Then sort out a toilet pass with the nurse for next time.

I know that sounds "impossible" to naturally law abiding DC, but it's quite an empowering lesson to them to be told they can do that and you will back them up, not mind, they shouldn't feel ashamed etc. When detentions are given for such minor infractions I think it's really important that we decatastrophise them to sensitive kids.

Has happened to my DD (12) but thankfully trousers are black and it wasn’t noticeable. She’s now under instructions to just walk out and go anyway if she’s refused permission. They can give her detention if they want.

She has regularly queued up to use the toilet at break but has to be at next lesson before she gets to use it. Similarly at lunch time, it’s often a choice between queuing to buy food and eating or queuing for the toilet. It’s very rare they get time to do both and it stresses her out.

Misogyny at its very worst. I’m so sorry that your daughter was put through this. I hope you can force the school to change policy.

Just speak to the school OP. Loads of girls have a toilet pass for this reason. Obviously kick up a fuss if they don’t give her a pass, but you’ll probably find they will just issue her with one.

Thank goodness, most of us are a bit more sensible. I guess it makes a difference when you've experienced problematic periods for yourself.

Yes, there are some kids who do try to take advantage of toilet access and that is a problem but most staff members are sympathetic to girls who have period difficulties.

You have no sympathy as a man, clearly! You have no voice here.

Anotherprick more like………

@User67556 Don't you understand that not all girls (younger ones and even adult women) can't use tampons or don't want to?

Tampons are not used by all women when they have periods.

So you are teacher and would not show any empathy in this situation? Some people have very heavy periods but there’s nothing wrong - so how would they go about getting medical evidence for that, to get a pass?. There are people that can’t wait beyond an hour let alone 2, on certain days of their period. The OP has very clearly illustrated her daughter’s embarrassment and humiliation because of such a rule.

You must be a man because if you were a woman you wouldn’t be demonstrating this complete lack of understanding or lack of empathy, in this situation. Unbelievable.

Erm no. I have twin girls, they NEVER get to use the toilets in school at break or lunch time due to the huge queues. There just isn't enough time to wait in the queue and eat lunch.
They don't get to use the toilet in lesson time as the school has a system where a member of staff has to escort them to the toilet, if that member of staff is busy elsewhere then tough luck basically.
My daughters never use the toilets at school because there isn't the opportunity to!

Agreed.

In the days before schools provided free towels for pupils, I recall a girl telling me that her pal had started her period. I told her not to worry - I had supplies with me.

There was a whispered exchange. "She says she can't use tampons!"

"That's okay - I have towels with me. Here you go."

Nowadays, the schools in my LA (Scotland) have notices up, telling the girls where they can obtain sanitary towels. Usually there's a designated classroom with supplies in each area.

Meant to be helpful but missing the point although the 2nd part of your post is sensible.

Any pupil with a period should be allowed to use a toilet as needed.

These ideas of san pro miss the point.

Teachers KNOW which pupils are just 'trying it on' and which have a genuine need.

yup. I had IBS and still have. So thankful that toilet limitations weren't in place when I was at school.

"When you go in between lessons the toilets are rammed with students all trying to go at the same time and the 5 minutes between lessons isn't long enough to then get to the next class. Going at break or lunch is fine but when on your period you mind need to go more often/ change it more frequently."

Some schools walking out won't work as toilets are locked to prevent vandalism.

If in y7 and y8 pupils can be given temporary toilet passes.

My school is no toilet unless a pass but like in most schools your daughter should ask to speak to the teacher outside. Usually for girls I ask to have a private word ( where I stand near the door) and ask them if they forgot to go at break or "is there another reason?" So will say "another reason" Some girls will write a note to show the teacher and others are quite confident to say they are on their period.

Some older girls use pads and tampons at the same time.

I will then get on call or write a note to take them. No one expects them to declare it to the whole class.

I think many people are totally missing (and forgetting their own experience) that as a teen it takes a while to get used to periods and know your body. My DD had exactly the same experience last week and it was only her second period and first one at school. The only difference was she was in an exam and didn't want to leave.

Definitely recommend, asking the teacher to come over and quietly saying 'code red I really need to go' , even a male teacher should appreciate that issue. Or just getting up and going. If she takes a bag with her that will be clue enough! You then deal with the fall out on her behalf.

I honestly can’t believe all the comments like this!! Just because you haven’t experienced something (you are the lucky ones) doesn’t mean other people don’t. When I was a teenager and now I am reaching perimenopause I can absolutely leak through a tampon and a pad within an hour at times. This is not that unusual - especially when you are younger - and she doesn’t need to go to the doctors ‘because there must be something wrong’!!
How sad that women in this day and age are still so desperately judgemental of other women/a teenage girl.