Periods at school but no toilet pass

[PyjamaFiasco]

Hello hive mind.

What's the policy at your/kids' secondary schools about going to the toilet in lesson?

Ours is "no toilet breaks in class without a toilet pass." A toilet pass is issued when you can provide evidence of a medical need.

My daughter is on her period this week and yesterday unfortunately leaked through her pad onto her trousers and onto the chair after she had a flooding incident. She had asked to use the toilet and was told no and didn't feel comfortable saying to a male teacher in front of the whole class "sir I'm on my period." She's feeling embarrassed that the person who went to use the chair afterwards would see it.

When you go in between lessons the toilets are rammed with students all trying to go at the same time and the 5 minutes between lessons isn't long enough to then get to the next class. Going at break or lunch is fine but when on your period you mind need to go more often/ change it more frequently.

She said she felt she had 3 options: do nothing, walk out and go to the toilet anyway and get a detention or be late to the next lesson and get a detention anyway.

In reality it is never longer than 2 hours without a break and usually no more than 1 hour. Students need to learn to prepare for that in the same way they would prepare for a long car journey or a day out- go to the toilet when you have the opportunity even if you don’t need it, wear a sanitary pad if you know your period is due, etc.

All the kids who have been allowed out of lessons………

Oh Christ.

And if you have irregular periods? Just start your period? It starts in the middle of a class?

What a strange mindset to take unless you're a man with no real awareness of how periods work?

I can sympathise to an extent with the challenges many schools have of in school truanting, the risks associated with children being unsupervised around school property or using the bathroom as an excuse to try to leave school altogether. I'm not sure what the answer to that is in the current climate of lack of funding and teaching/support staff but to me being able to access the bathroom is a very basic necessity so this can't be the solution.

Obv that’s a slight exaggeration but it certainly is some of the kids. And the girls toilets are as bad as the boys toilets too.

There is a long thread about this pretty much every week on Mumsnet.

It might be worth having a browse of some of the recent ones if you want to get an overview of why schools have these issues.

It is not because teachers want to prevent girls going to the toilet.

How do you prove you need the "period toilet"?

That's a genuine question.

Do you have any idea how a student is supposed to queue up for food, eat and be able to go to the toilet at the same time as everyone else in the school? Which is usually about 1000 people all trying to go at the same time?

The shit that someone people will support and defend....,SMH

I was at secondary school mid Eighties to mid-Nineties, approx. I don't remember all these issues with toileting. There was no one wandering the corridors during lessons or vandalising the loos, and everyone went during break. Very occasionally, a pupil would ask to go to the toilet during a lesson, and the teacher always said yes. It was unusual enough that it was generally taken to be a genuine need. I think one or two did have permission to just leave the classroom and go - they must have had a medical issue or heavy periods - but by and large, people just went on their breaks.

I certainly do- I’m a teacher! I also do toilet duty once a week at break time, there is never a queue, we have a strict 2 at a time policy so they can’t hang around in there with their mates for ages.

As I said in my previous post, the standard rule in every school I have worked in is you are not allowed to go to the toilet in lesson time. In reality most teachers use their judgment. However the number of times I have asked “did you go at break?” and got the reply “I didn’t need it then” is ridiculous.

At 12 years old, and in the early teens, periods can be incredibly irregular (they can be as adults, too!). They can stop and start with almost notice, come when not expected. Hell, i'm in my 30s and occasionally my periods go haywire and turn up when they want to, kwvaunf me totally unprepared. Who wants to be wearing sanitary wear just in case all the time.

It also doesn't stop the problem of girls who have heavy periods flooding - they might be prepared for a period but not expect to flood.

On a long car journey or a day out, if someone needed the toilet you would surely pull over as soon as possible or find a toilet as soon as possible and go, especially if someone was on their period? It's very rare you would be anywhere you would have to wait up to an hour to go thr toilet.

It's also recommended by medical experts that you don't go to the toilet if you don't need it - I read somewhere very recently that it's good for bladder health.

At my daughter's school a few years ago, the school came up with this (horrendous) idea to "solve" the problem. With a parents note a girl could go and collect a red card from reception when on their periods. The girl could then wave the red card in class, showing the teacher and all the class, they were on their period and were allowed to go. I cannot tell you of the stress and often bullying this created. And unisex toilets also made it difficult for girls at lunchtimes and breaks too.

No advice as my eldest is only 11 and we haven't encountered any problems with using the bathroom at school for when she is on her period but you best believe I would be hitting the roof if this were her!

Plenty of males with opinions here, it seems!

@Leilanii
I’m sure OP’s DD used the toilet at break - I certainly used to -every break .

I was so scared of bleeding through my pads and everyone knowing/seeing, that I was checking ALL THE TIME.

Ironically, I also had the same problem as OPs DD when I was teaching! A sudden flood which I knew was happening but had to carry on with while I sent a child next door to ask for another teacher to come in. My Y1 class were sat on the carpet and one sharp-eyed boy said “Miss, you’ve got blood on your foot!”

Unless you’ve had it, you don’t get it.

Period pants and a pad will be fine especially if she isn't usually prone to bleeding heavily.

I did send them to a different one. Much better there.

Sorry @Leilanii ! That was meant for @Neveragain35 !

The free market in action!

Period pants wouldn't help in this situation. Even the heaviest of them are not as capacious as the larger pads sadly.

This is really sad. This happened to me at high school once and I hadn't noticed someone pointed it out in class. The teacher who was male said well whoever it is can make a trip to the toilet if needed. Obviously he knew it was me when my face turned white. However he knew I didn't wanna rush to the toilet so everyone knew. So he said oh can I speak to you outside for a few minutes and when I went out he said go to the guidance base there's stuff in there and go to the loo if needed. I ran lol! He was still outside the class so it looked like we were chatting outside and came back in together. I had a massive pad on and still leaked it's horrible especially as a teenager cause some girls haven't started and teenage boys don't get it. My DD11 has a wee bag with a pad spare pants and leggings with wipes in it incase she gets caught out. It's terrible in 2025 girls can't use the toilet for having a period or to change themselves in an emergency. Xx

Also I want to add I never used tampons as a teenager at school as I was a virgin and also my mum wasn't to comfortable with supplying them. Accidents can happen with heavy flow or unexpected periods. Mines aren't regular now so I've got to guess with symptoms. Also the girl could have just had a really heavy period at this particular time. It happens.

Does the school that you work at have draconian toilet rules?
Do they relax those rules when there is an ofsted inspection like our old school used to do?
My dds used to love ofsted inspection day!

"Does the school that you work at have draconian toilet rules?"

I Already posted what my school's rules are and how I approach scenarios such as this.

In an Ofsted inspection there would likely be less leeway not more, as there would be pressure to show the policy was rigorously applied.

Not needing the toilet is a completely acceptable reason not to go - should you go and sit on the toilet during your breaks to try to squeeze something out even though you don’t need to go, despite it being known that doing so causes damage to the bladder? Or should you keep a close eye on the clock to make sure a drink from your water bottle isn’t going to need you having to urinate at a time that’s inconvenient for someone else?

Honestly horrified how many adults think it’s appropriate to talk about toileting with an unrelated child 🤢 If I found out any adult, teacher or not, had been discussing my child’s urination, bowel movements or periods with them (not these things as concepts but theirs specifically) I would be disgusted. If you need to discuss anything to do with a student’s private functions, you should be discussing it with the parent, or with the child with a parent present. Some teachers really do need to be put in their place - your job is to teach and discipline misbehaviour. Needing to go to the toilet is not misbehaviour. If you have problem students, it’s not fair to police the bodily functions of other children because of it, nor should it be tolerated by parents. I wish we could see legislation passed that means any adult trying to start conversations around a child’s private functions was investigated immediately.

I agree that the no toilet rule without a pass is barbaric, but I also think your daughter does need some medical checks. At the height of my periods as an adult, and a teaching assistant in a college, I was regularly managing not to need to go in 2 hour lessons with a sanitary towel in. If she isn't manging 1 or at most 2 hour long lessons without changing or flooding that's a very heavy period for an under 16.

"your job is to teach and discipline misbehaviour."

Well no apparently it now also covers

Mental health treatment.
Providing food and washing clothes for neglected kids.
Social services.
Amongst many other things

And "I didn't need it, then" in most cases usually means "I couldn't be bothered to go during break because I'd rather miss lessons".