Periods at school but no toilet pass

[PyjamaFiasco]

Hello hive mind.

What's the policy at your/kids' secondary schools about going to the toilet in lesson?

Ours is "no toilet breaks in class without a toilet pass." A toilet pass is issued when you can provide evidence of a medical need.

My daughter is on her period this week and yesterday unfortunately leaked through her pad onto her trousers and onto the chair after she had a flooding incident. She had asked to use the toilet and was told no and didn't feel comfortable saying to a male teacher in front of the whole class "sir I'm on my period." She's feeling embarrassed that the person who went to use the chair afterwards would see it.

When you go in between lessons the toilets are rammed with students all trying to go at the same time and the 5 minutes between lessons isn't long enough to then get to the next class. Going at break or lunch is fine but when on your period you mind need to go more often/ change it more frequently.

She said she felt she had 3 options: do nothing, walk out and go to the toilet anyway and get a detention or be late to the next lesson and get a detention anyway.

As I've said, I know just as well as you that in an ideal world it'd be different. But she's still allowed her dignity and right now as a 12 year old, she doesn't want to have to talk about it. That's her right, and it's not for you or I to expect anything more from her in regards to her own body, her own person and her own dignity. The indignity is in being forced to do announce it because she can't simply go to the toilet when she needs to. Grown women wouldn't like it, on the whole. And even when they're bolshy enough (which I am - I've got no hangups) they shouldn't have to announce it to a room of people unless they actually want to.

We don't live in an ideal world.

Skipped to the end after p6... Teacher in a school where you need a pass here, we had to start the system as we literally had dozens of kids wandering the corridors at any one time and as soon as one kid was allowed to go, every time they came back someone else would ask.

When I have said no to someone before and they just went of their own accord I called student services to speak to them privately and judge if it was a behaviour incident or the right judgement call for the child to make. That was left between student services and the student, I remained neutral, in a good school the system should work even if it's not perfect.

I think she needs a pass and reminding that if she's leaking that she should just walk out. It shouldn't be that way but honestly, there's not much more schools can do, kids run amok without strict rules and are back and forth to the toilets to vape/go on phones...it's easy for the public to get up in arms about if you don't work in a school but practically there's not much more we can do.

I must admit though, my school is a nice (not posh nice, quite a rough area actually) but one which isn't draconian, just strict.

To be fair there are plenty of teachers in the menorrhagia support groups online wondering precisely WTF they are supposed to do when they are bleeding through a maxi tampon, pads and flooding period knickers inside 20 minutes, and their bleeds have been that heavy non stop for 20+ days but their heads have said that they should just have to deal with it. A lot of them, like me, are menopausal and have decades of experience successfully handling their normal periods.

Pubescent girls don't even have the decades of experience of dealing with periods that the rest of us have. They will make mistakes. They should still have dignity

No there are not! None whatsoever.

"because she can't simply go to the toilet when she needs to. Grown women wouldn't like it, on the whole"

Because of course female teaching staff can waltz out of lesson whenever they feel like it....

What point are you making, exactly? I'm saying on the whole grown women wouldn't like to be forced to announce to a room full,of colleagues that they're going to the toilet because they've flooded.

A teacher is an adult. A person with agency and hopefully with a greater capability of advocating for their needs in a given scenario. The two situations aren't comparable.

We will have to agree to disagree.

Either

A) Most schools restrict toilet use because they like making life awkward for students

Or

B) Most schools restrict toilet use because they have good reasons for doing so.

Which is more likely?

School publish their policies in advance so you are aware what your expectations are. If you don't agree send them to a different one...

There will be people on here saying tampon and pad she will be fine. I can honestly say at the heaviest point of my period now and in my teens I wouldn't with tampon, pads and period underwear there are still times when in an hour I can bleed through, actually sometimes in 20 minutes. My 13 year old daughter is the same. Sometimes the time between lessons is only just adequate to get between buildings it's a massive 3000+ kid site. They get detention if they are a minute late. I wrote to the school and got her a pass - please do the same.

In fairness when I was a teenager I used to get horrendous flooding that would easily soak through multiple pads. It calmed down after a year or so. Young girls can get very heavy periods,.it's a reason why these rules are misogynistic (in addition to being inhumane)

What is it with these draconian toilet "policies". Girls punished for things they have no control over, even when they are not on their periods. It's completely out of order of schools to do this.

I am glad we could always go at my school (90s), because I simply would have refused to go to school if I could not go as need, not only because my horrendous periods, but also because I have a weak bladder. Not being able to go is already a source of stress for me when I travel, but serious, schools have no excuse.

"What point are you making, exactly? I'm saying on the whole grown women wouldn't like to be forced to announce to a room full,of colleagues that they're going to the toilet because they've flooded."

That's not what you said though is it and it is also a ridiculous comparison because no teacher expects pupils to discuss it in front of the class ( as I posted earlier)

The point I am making is that in a number of settings you cannot go to the toilet when you feel like it. Schools are one of them for children and adults. Exceptions are made for people in specific circumstances.

So again, rather than tackling unacceptable behaviour, a broad brush policy is applied which assumes all pupils are up to no good. How fantastic.

Yeah why not embarrass and humilate teenage girls? It's their own fault for having periods after all. FFS.

I imagine many have already quit, rather then put up with the indignity of having to wear blood soaked clothes in front of their pupils.There is a teacher shortage, after all. This BS is exactly why.

It's exactly what I said.

"she can't simply go to the toilet when she needs to."

Neither can teachers.

How completely dumb for the loos to end up locked during break time! I can't believe they need to be locked at all - who on earth is vandalising them while all the kids are in lessons??

Most schools don’t let students go without a toilet pass. In reality, if it is a good kid who hardly ever asks and they have asked more than once I would let them go. As others have said, if you just let them go whenever they want it is carnage- once one goes they all want to go!

I would contact the school and ask for a toilet pass- given this has happened once, it could happen again.

I agree we need to train our girls (and boys!) that there is no shame in saying “I’m on my period I need to go to the toilet” but unfortunately I think we’re a long way off that. I did have a girl write me a note once to say she thought her period had just started and of course I let her go!

I am already prepared to get my daughters a pass for the toilet as I had horrible periods that I thought was linked to IBS, but turned out to be horrendous endometriosis. I think it’s sad it’s come to this as I never had to worry about being allowed to go to the toilet and I do think the policies should take into account periods and access to toilets being crowded in break times. I worry there will be issues getting a pass assigned as won’t everyone need to do this so it kind of just allows girls to go when they want anyway?

All the kids who have been allowed out of lessons………

It is very hard to manage. Generally speaking if a girl asks to go to the toilet as she is on her period, I will let her. And plenty aren’t afraid to ask either.

"So again, rather than tackling unacceptable behaviour, a broad brush policy is applied which assumes all pupils are up to no good"

Pupils are expected to adhere to the toilet policy which they and their parents are told about in advance. Furthermore the policy must be approved by the governers of the school. Perhaps you should join one and change the system from within!

Pupils are also advised what to do in the event that they have medical issue or are on their period.

The flooding incidents described on here sound extreme. I don't think that most girls experience that. For those that do, their parents need to contact the school and get a toilet pass proactively, before any leaks. For everyone else, changing in breaks should be fine - unless the toilets are locked, and if they are, the school REALLY needs to sort that out.

I agree that women should be able to access whatever they need; however if women are not comfortable expressing that need, then what do you suggest? It's like menopause consideration at work. Employers might have policies in place to make it easier for employees going through menopause to work round it, but you need to be comfortable discussing accommodation with your manager, and possibly deal with colleagues, who want to know why you're getting 'special treatment' all of a sudden. For a lot of women, the conversation is so uncomfortable, that they prefer to suffer in silence, like the OP's daughter did.
Actual suggestions for a practical change to the system would be helpful.

Just to be clear, period pants with a sanitary towel. One or the other is not enough. Period pants are fine for a light to regular period but wouldn't be enough with very heavy periods.

@Walkden sorry forgot to quote above. 🙄

I don't think I'm stating anything controversial.

If you're a teacher I have plenty of sympathy for your position. I wouldn't do the job if I were paid in gold ingots (and I trained for it)!

However adults have agency. They can choose what job they take and what terms they agree to. If they wanted to, they could walk away.

Requiring a child to announce to a male teacher/ to a room full of peers (since they'll likely work it out even if she's able to talk to him privately) that she's on her period is entirely unreasonable and robs her of her privacy and dignity.

Ultimately this is just one aspect of a bigger problem, though. Just another symptom of the wider shit show!

@PyjamaFiasco I hope you're able to sort something out for your DD.