Periods at school but no toilet pass

[PyjamaFiasco]

Hello hive mind.

What's the policy at your/kids' secondary schools about going to the toilet in lesson?

Ours is "no toilet breaks in class without a toilet pass." A toilet pass is issued when you can provide evidence of a medical need.

My daughter is on her period this week and yesterday unfortunately leaked through her pad onto her trousers and onto the chair after she had a flooding incident. She had asked to use the toilet and was told no and didn't feel comfortable saying to a male teacher in front of the whole class "sir I'm on my period." She's feeling embarrassed that the person who went to use the chair afterwards would see it.

When you go in between lessons the toilets are rammed with students all trying to go at the same time and the 5 minutes between lessons isn't long enough to then get to the next class. Going at break or lunch is fine but when on your period you mind need to go more often/ change it more frequently.

She said she felt she had 3 options: do nothing, walk out and go to the toilet anyway and get a detention or be late to the next lesson and get a detention anyway.

She shouldnt have to do that!!!

Up until recently I worked in education in a variety of roles. If I was supporting a lesson, some of the girls used to tell me they needed to change and I'd take them out and open one of the disabled loos. I would guess most staff guessed the reason because I was never challenged. Is there a trusted other adult your daughter could speak to?

Yes,but I was replying to @poppinginapan who was unsure what the answer was.

Do you honestly think your periods are the heaviest it's possible to encounter and no woman or girl will possibly need more?

I have always taught my DD, since she started having her periods at the start of year 7, that saying you have your period is not a dirty word. It is no different to saying you have a headache, or a toothache. Half the world have periods.

This has meant that if she needs to go to the loo in class because she has her period she will willingly just say that to the teacher in front of the class. I find it refreshing that most of the girls in her year are the same. They openly talk about their periods, flooding, cramps etc in front of the boys in their class. I think it is also great for the boys in the class. Demystifying the “women’s problems” that my DH’s generation grew up with.

Teach your daughter to hold her head high and say “I’m having my period and need to use the bathroom”.

I'm so sorry your daughter had to go through that.

I despise the current way schools are regarding toilets. My daughter is going to high school this year, and I will be that parent if treated like this.

And to those blaming the op's daughter. Shame on you. You're the type this thread is about. On a power trip about toilet use.

And no, I really don't care that 'they donit to get out of lesson' maybe make your lessons more engaging and create a school environment that encourages a motivation to learn and trust of the pupils.

Perhaps, it's because of these Draconian rules that kids feel the need to rebel!

I taught my daughters that too.

But the fact remains that in the real world a lot of parents don't bother to teach that, and even if they all did, there would still be teenagers who decided to tease/bully/make fun. Or even if no one did that, the girl in question might still feel embarrassed or would rather not announce things to everyone indiscriminately.

That's okay. It's not fair to put the pressure of bucking it onto a young girl coming to grips with her period. She's perfectly entitled to her privacy and dignity.

Tell me you have never worked in a school without telling me you have never worked in a school!

There are very good reasons to restrict toilet use, during lesson time....

Wouldn’t period pants, a pad and a tampon work?

Probably, but the point was the flooding was unexpected and I can't/won't force a 12 year old to wear a tampon if she doesn't want to.

I mean I find it all ridiculous if she needs the toilet she needs the toilet. But add period pants and a pad for extra security.

"These schools need to work on the root cause which is a total lack of respect for the school and the buildings. And far too often 'weak' Heads who can't cope."

Similarly the government don't need police. They just need to work on the root cause which is lack of the respect for the country and make life more engaging ..

Jesus wept.

Another reason why I don't miss school. We were banned from using the toilets between lessons and they were kept locked. Our break times were 10:15 and 12:30. We'd have to line up for the toilet and a teacher would write our name down and tick it off when we came back out, we were allowed 5 minutes each

I've worked in a school.

I agree that no one should have to justify needing to go to the toilet.

I’m not reading it that way at all. Absolutely she needs to be allowed to go to the toilet when she needs to. I don’t think anyone is questioning that. Additionally others are trying to offer help on how she might prevent flooding happening in future.

Let’s be honest as we have all been there. If flooding happens you don’t often have a warning so know it’s coming . So yea go to the toilet when you need but also try to prevent the flooding in the first place if you can.

This is the time to invest in period pants. The ones for heavy flow + heavy pad keep my monthly Texas Vagina massacre contained (Peri hell).

I think you need to help your DD deal with this on two levels - 1) she will bleed, sometimes a lot, and the sooner she can manage that, the better - changing period products will help 2) appropriate self advocacy - there are times when we can't or won't advocate for ourselves (there is no shame in announcing your period to teacher and class - but I still would not want to) - this is life and can be managed (see option 1). Of course we can't always be prepared for all situations - at this point unapologetic self advocacy should kick in - just go to the toilet and deal with the consequences later.

Unfortunately toilet blocks are a hotbed of bad behaviour, so the rules are there for the greater good. This isn't going to change, so you may need to mix things up.

As for double tampons - 😲 😲 😲. That is bad bad advice.

What in the toxic shock syndrome is this ridiculous suggestion?!?

Ah, I see the it's not happening to me so it's not happening brigade are out in force today. I was always heavy enough to actually expel tampons, regardless of size, AND needed to change a pad, regardless of size, every 10mins. Every pill and coil do not agree with me and despite regularly being anaemic because of it, nothing else was offered. Peri/Menopause is the only thing that has improved the situation but I still pass clots most months. JUST BECAUSE IT DOESN'T HAPPEN TO YOU DOES NOT MEAN IT DOESN'T HAPPEN. OP your daughter has my utmost sympathies. Please advocate for her. I wish my parents had done so instead of tutting every time they were called to collect me because I had, once again, passed out from the pain.

I've worked in schools too (as a teacher), and I agree that girls shouldn't have to justify requiring the toilet during classes. Newsflash - people who work in schools don't always share the same opinion, some of us aren't brainwashed/institutionalised 😑

Exactly.

If a teacher finds that a girl is taking a toilet break during their lesson on an improbably frequent basis, they should raise a query with whoever in the school is responsible for children's welfare, as they should with any other attendance issue.

Schools have been dealing with girls since the day dot, it's too late in the millennium for schools to be imposing draconian toilet pass rules on girls who are of an age they could be menstruating.

🤣You have never worked in a school, and definitely a small school have you?

But there is nothing undignified about saying "I am on my period." It is this sort of attitude that we need to move on from and free our DDs from some of the nonsense we endured.

Ours requires toilet passes but I just wrote a note to say please could she have one and she got one no questions asked. It needs renewing every term but I just ask for a renewal.

I'm so sorry OP. How awful for your dd.
It was the same at school for my dds. They would lock all toilets and just open one small block at break and lunch. There were 8 cubicles for the entire school girls. The queue was so long that they rarely got to use them. I don't care if the toilets are 'hotbed for bad behaviour'. The answer is not to make every girl suffer. Period anxiety and shame is caused by secondary schools imo. Even more insulting is that the school would open all the toilets for the whole day during ofsted inspections. Funny that!