Periods at school but no toilet pass

[PyjamaFiasco]

Hello hive mind.

What's the policy at your/kids' secondary schools about going to the toilet in lesson?

Ours is "no toilet breaks in class without a toilet pass." A toilet pass is issued when you can provide evidence of a medical need.

My daughter is on her period this week and yesterday unfortunately leaked through her pad onto her trousers and onto the chair after she had a flooding incident. She had asked to use the toilet and was told no and didn't feel comfortable saying to a male teacher in front of the whole class "sir I'm on my period." She's feeling embarrassed that the person who went to use the chair afterwards would see it.

When you go in between lessons the toilets are rammed with students all trying to go at the same time and the 5 minutes between lessons isn't long enough to then get to the next class. Going at break or lunch is fine but when on your period you mind need to go more often/ change it more frequently.

She said she felt she had 3 options: do nothing, walk out and go to the toilet anyway and get a detention or be late to the next lesson and get a detention anyway.

This is so wrong on so many levels. Period or no period. Children should not be stopped going to the he toilet. If they have issues with children misbehaving then employ a bathroom monitor or look at the kids always asking to do and spending alot of time away from the classroom. My kids are too young for school yet but I would 100 percent tell them to just go to the toilet if they need it

They should not have to justify it at all!

Some people on here have clearly never had a proper heavy period and good for them but fuck off with the judgements. My periods are great now but for the first couple of years after starting them I had all sorts, light to super heavy and I could definitely have had a leak in between two school breaks.
Also, yes a tampon and pad would help but many girls take a while to start using tampons.

The ignorance on here, I was going to say is astounding but, unfortunately, it’s not unexpected.
A third of girls in the UK will miss education due to period related issues-20% will routinely miss school or college.
The average age of a girl starting her period is 12, 8 is not unusual. For the first few years their cycle is likely to be all over the place and flooding is not uncommon. Staff need to be educated and empathetic and schools should not be preventing these young women from managing their periods. As an aside-toileting facilities should be designed with periods in mind-washbasins in cubicles and single sex facilities (girls have been teased when the sound of them unwrapping a pad has been heard).
Research suggests that women who have not had issues can be far less sympathetic than men. They believe that some girls are just making a fuss.
Going to the GP probably won’t help (at least not initially). GP will either be dismissive or try to put them on the pill. The average time from onset of symptoms to diagnosis of endometriosis is seven years.
There are many more period products available but we are all different-what works for some may not be appropriate for other ( a twelve year old is unlikely to be comfortable using a tampon or cup). And wearing two tampons is really
not recommended.
I’ll get off my soap box for now

Yep, just re-read it with my brain screwed in properly and I agree !!

Haven’t read TFT so someone else may have suggested but period pants. DD has 6 pairs heavy flow ones. She wears with a pad to school and at night. Gives her the extra protection if she leaks through a pad. Not that she shouldn’t be able to use the loo when needed

It's incredibly sad how schools have changed both from when I was a pupil myself and involved in education as a professional.

These 'no toilet rules' are draconian and against basic human rights.

The basis for all these rules is that the Head and snr management don't have a grip of discipline and behaviour. The buck stops with them.

Withholding access to toilets because of fear of vandalism, or 'escaping from a lesson' is not addressing the real issues of bad behaviour and lack of motivation as well as taking pride in having a school where vandalism of buildings isn't acceptable. As always it will be a minority of pupils, but where everyone suffers.

It's a failure by the school management and they need to sort out their way of dealing with lack of engagement - not closing toilets.

I've never heard of this in the private school sector, presumably as parents vote with their cheque books and wouldn't tolerate such nonsense.

It's not acceptable and any parent up against this should form a protest group , contact the governing body, get local medical professionals on board and make a stand.

This. It isn’t healthy to expect them to hold things in for long periods of time (no pun intended !!) and it can cause all kinds of difficulties in later life. I’ve never understood why children are told ‘no’ if they need to use the loo while in class, and that they should have gone in break time/lunch time. Why - if they didn’t need to go at that time, then they didn’t need to go.

You don't, you just let them go to the toilet.

I had awful periods as a teen. I decided to be late to class rather than risk an incident. I used to use a tampon and a pad plus take ibuprofen to reduce flow

I'm sorry but where and how the fuck is anyone putting TWO tampons in their vagina?

I can't believe grown women do this, but to suggest it for a school age girl? Grim.

Withholding access to toilets because of fear of vandalism, or 'escaping from a lesson' is not addressing the real issues of bad behaviour and lack of motivation as well as taking pride in having a school where vandalism of buildings isn't acceptable. As always it will be a minority of pupils, but where everyone suffers.
It's a failure by the school management and they need to sort out their way of dealing with lack of engagement - not closing toilets.

I agree and have made those points to DC school.

How ever student behaviour has massively decline in most schools - no real idea why lots of theories.

Even if Op school does change policy or give a pass - having period pants and good pads will help with confidence anyway.

Just wanted to say I really feel for your daughter and the embarrassment. She's only 12. Some of the posters here seem to be expecting far to much ! At school I was so embarrassed by periods and the fear that someone might think I was on my period that I would go the whole day without going to loo because I thought I'd you went to the loo with your bag other people would know I was on. I had a really long bus journey and even if I did get to loo at break, I would often leak on the bus home! I was also too embarrassed to talk to anyone about it as well.

So tell your daughter its OK. And it's great she can talk yo you about it too!!

I think this toilet pass situation is shocking.

I agree.

Decades back when I was at school as a pupil, smoking in the toilets was the 'thing'.

So toilets have always been used for other things.

The difference then was there was no vandalism.

These schools need to work on the root cause which is a total lack of respect for the school and the buildings. And far too often 'weak' Heads who can't cope.

I was furthering your point :), definitely not arguing against you

what do you think female teachers do?

Have you tried talking to Head of Year, when I taught secondary, we had a pink pass, girls could use, they just had to show no words needed, it worked well. No child should be refused time to go to the toilet. I always told the girls to have it in their books and to show me it as though they were asking me a question to make it a bit easier.

Can women please not tell other women what protection they need to use to avoid leaks. We are all different.

And sometimes it just leaks, even with multiple layers!

I think I agree with the advice to tell her to "defy" the teacher and go, and tell them to contact me to discuss. I'd soon be putting any male teacher in his place who told my daughter when she could and couldn't change sanitary protection.

Yes I know kids play up and parents support it. But rules need to be sensible.

Yep, I was about to say the same thing. Disability has already been mentioned upthread but the same applies to indirect sex discrimination. Whoever has implemented this policy, it’s likely in breach of the EA and if I were OP I’d approach it from that angle. Schools clearly have challenges but putting young girls at a disadvantage because of the biology clearly isn’t the way to solve them.

Despite the "I can't possibly leave the room", they would and do.

There's no way you are going to let a gush of blood go all over the floor.

Yes, sorry - the OP pointed that out, and I’ve now got my brain properly reinserted !! I agree with you. It’s the function of schools to teach, not impose clearly discriminatory policy which distracts from learning.,

This is disgraceful, I’m so sad for your DD. Periods can be horrible and embarrassing particularly for teens, so let’s humiliate girls even further shall we. A flood can happen in one go, doesn’t matter if you changed your pad 2 minutes or 2 hours ago. As for wearing a tampon, I could never wear one as a teen. It was so uncomfortable.

Well, yes. As mentioned upthread, it’s really not good to make people hold in bodily fluids for extended periods of time.

Contact the support staff to cover while they deal with the emergency.