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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DC home alone at midnight?

308 replies

djdran · 03/02/2025 17:36

Bit of a WWYD really. DH thinks I’m being OTT, but I’m not sure.

We have two DC (12 and 9). We’ve been invited to a party next weekend, nothing wild, just drinks and a catch-up with friends we haven’t seen in ages. It’s at a house about ten minutes away, and we’d be back by 1am at the latest. DC would be asleep, and we’d obviously make sure they know how to contact us if needed. We have lovely neighbours who’d be in if anything went wrong.

DH says it’s fine, that DSS (12) is responsible, and they’ll just sleep through it anyway. But 9 still seems quite young to be left that late, even if we’re nearby.

Would you do it? Am I being a bit PFB about it, or is DH being too relaxed?

(For context, they’re fine being left for an hour or two in the day, but we’ve never left them this late before.)

TIA!

OP posts:
Grinchybinchy · 03/02/2025 18:51

Nope and I’d be so stressed out I wouldn’t enjoy the party

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 03/02/2025 18:52

I wouldn’t. Probably in about 2 more years I would.

Oddsocksanduglyshoes · 03/02/2025 18:53

Pay the nice neighbour to baby sit

Purpleturtle46 · 03/02/2025 18:54

djdran · 03/02/2025 17:36

Bit of a WWYD really. DH thinks I’m being OTT, but I’m not sure.

We have two DC (12 and 9). We’ve been invited to a party next weekend, nothing wild, just drinks and a catch-up with friends we haven’t seen in ages. It’s at a house about ten minutes away, and we’d be back by 1am at the latest. DC would be asleep, and we’d obviously make sure they know how to contact us if needed. We have lovely neighbours who’d be in if anything went wrong.

DH says it’s fine, that DSS (12) is responsible, and they’ll just sleep through it anyway. But 9 still seems quite young to be left that late, even if we’re nearby.

Would you do it? Am I being a bit PFB about it, or is DH being too relaxed?

(For context, they’re fine being left for an hour or two in the day, but we’ve never left them this late before.)

TIA!

Not in a million years.

honeybeetheoneandonly · 03/02/2025 18:54

How quickly would you be home if they called and said "come home now"? Would they be happy to be home alone? I don't think there is a chance in hell they'll be sleeping while you are out. Are they used to being home alone? I would only consider it, if the kids are fully onboard, have routine being home alone and you have robust procedures and contingency plans in place. I just can't imagine children this age being ready for this and not be terrified throughout the night.

SaltyPig · 03/02/2025 18:54

I cant believe this has any veracity, hell no, not even for an hour.

CandidRaven · 03/02/2025 18:55

No way would I leave them at that age no matter how close by I was

ARichtGoodDram · 03/02/2025 18:55

Leaving two kids is riskier than leaving one imo. The 12 year old isn't old enough to be in charge and the 9 year old needs someone in charge. And I've had a roasting on here before for being "too lax".

As well as the risks that have been mentioned previously there's also the risk of the 12 year old mentioning to friends they'll be home alone and accidentally landing themselves with other kids, and in particular older kids, turning up knowing there is no adult.

Wildgoosegander · 03/02/2025 18:56

Absolutely not.

i was in a house fire as a child.My sibling (14) downstairs and I (16) upstairs struggled to escape. That was during the day and when we were awake. My parents had just popped down the road

Unless you have experienced it, you no idea of the panic and disorientation caused by smoke and fire.

Two sleeping children would have no chance.

Floralnomad · 03/02/2025 18:58

If the 12 yo is sensible you could possibly leave him but you can’t leave him effectively responsible for a 9 yo .

LincolnshireYellowBelly · 03/02/2025 19:00

I’ve got two very sensible children who are 15 and 12, and we only left them alone (until 11:30) for the first time 2 months ago. I really think 12 and 9 is far too young. Either get babysitters, or can you suggest the party relocates to your house?
Alternatively, go early for an hour or two?

EverythingElseIsTaken · 03/02/2025 19:01

Absolutely not!

Praying4Peace · 03/02/2025 19:02

NO

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 03/02/2025 19:03

Wtf no imagine if there was a fire

Iamuhtredsonofuhtred · 03/02/2025 19:06

DisappearingGirl · 03/02/2025 17:49

I agree with others ... but it's got me thinking about what age is okay to leave them, especially when you have two kids with an age gap.

We would sometimes like to go and see another band in another city where we wouldn't be back until 12 / 12:30 at night.

Mine are 13 and 10 and I wouldn't currently leave them alone at night / asleep. But what ages are okay? 14 and 11? 15 and 12?

I'm just thinking it feels risky leaving them alone asleep, especially when we are in another city ... but, it might be a bit embarrassing for a 14 or 15 year old to have a babysitter!

Mine are 15 (nearly 16), 12 and 8. I do leave my eldest to babysit but would get the 8 year olds in bed before I left as they’re a handful and then her and her sister would probably watch a film until I got back. I wouldn’t be comfortable going to a different city though, no way, I’d want to be able to get home quickly in case there was a power outage or flood (both things they have happened in my very old house). Definitely wouldn’t leave my 12 year old at night without her sister, I think she’d be scared.

lifeonmars100 · 03/02/2025 19:06

It's too much to expect the 12 year old to be responsible for the 9 year old

Onlyvisiting · 03/02/2025 19:09

djdran · 03/02/2025 17:36

Bit of a WWYD really. DH thinks I’m being OTT, but I’m not sure.

We have two DC (12 and 9). We’ve been invited to a party next weekend, nothing wild, just drinks and a catch-up with friends we haven’t seen in ages. It’s at a house about ten minutes away, and we’d be back by 1am at the latest. DC would be asleep, and we’d obviously make sure they know how to contact us if needed. We have lovely neighbours who’d be in if anything went wrong.

DH says it’s fine, that DSS (12) is responsible, and they’ll just sleep through it anyway. But 9 still seems quite young to be left that late, even if we’re nearby.

Would you do it? Am I being a bit PFB about it, or is DH being too relaxed?

(For context, they’re fine being left for an hour or two in the day, but we’ve never left them this late before.)

TIA!

No. Too late and too much responsibility on the 12 year old.
Have you asked the kids what they think? If they've never been left for more than an hour or 2 in daytime then they might be quite freaked out by the idea of you leaving when they are asleep. And are you expecting them to both be asleep before you leave and not stir when you leave or put themselves to bed?

Worriedatwork1 · 03/02/2025 19:10

I work some evenings for about 3 -4 hours and only started leaving mine home alone for this at about 15 and 13 as I felt they had enough sense at this point, wouldn’t have left them late at night any younger

OneBadKitty · 03/02/2025 19:11

NO!

Onlyvisiting · 03/02/2025 19:11

djdran · 03/02/2025 17:55

Thanks for the reply. You’ve got a point about the smoke alarms, I hadn’t thought of that. I’ll look into getting a sitter, or maybe see if one of the grandparents can have them overnight. I just feel a bit torn because they are usually fine being left for shorter periods during the day, but I guess overnight is different. Appreciate the input!

Show quote history

Also- your lovely neighbours may be in but would they be awake at midnight? Have you asked them if they are willing to be on call for the evening?

scranonstrangler · 03/02/2025 19:11

Wow I had no idea this was strange.
I waseft at 12/13 with my 10yp & 18mo old siblings and we had great times.
I think it depends on the 9yo and how much parenting they need. I get on really well with those siblings and always have.

bibizizibabs · 03/02/2025 19:12

a basic risk assesment of what could go wrong makes it a definate NO

DragonFly98 · 03/02/2025 19:12

Absolutely not!

BunnyLake · 03/02/2025 19:13

No definitely not. They are too young to be left alone so late, end of.

user2848502016 · 03/02/2025 19:14

I wouldn't, mine are 13 and just turned 10 and I wouldn't leave them alone that late. The 13 year old would be fine but I think 10 is a bit young.
I'd leave them alone earlier in the evening and be home by say 9pm