Was I rude? (Being told to smile)

[ElevenBells]

Out shopping with DD 8 and waiting in the self checkout queue. Just waiting quietly with DD stood slightly behind me when I spot a man saying something to her. Didn’t quite catch what he said so turned round and DD was looking up at me a bit embarrassed.
Then I heard the man say something a long the lines of ‘go on let’s have a smile then’. I didn’t address him but said to DD ‘you don’t have to smile because a strange man tells you to, just ignore him’. Then went to scan my shopping.
A woman near him commented to him how rude I was. And he responded with something like ‘no wonder the kids that way if she has a mother like that’. As we left the shop DD said I embarrassed her. Feel bad now but I remember being a quiet kid like DD and putting up with requests to smile because apparently little girls need to have a constant grin plastered across their face. Did I overdo it? DD seems to think I did but tbh I’d have liked to say more.

Not unreasonable at all. Supermum. We need more women like you, unafraid and prepared to stand up for their children. In future she'll be proud to have a mum like you. That woman has been socially conditioned and Im sorry for her, thank goodness yoru daughter has you so she wont grow up like that.

Not at all unreasonable. You’re teaching your daughter to stand up to everyday sexism. I bet that stupid bloke wouldn’t have said the same thing to another man.

The ‘come on love, give us a smile’ line makes my blood boil. Just. Fuck. Off.

God I hate this sort of thing. I am fifty now but remember this as a teenager so it must have had an impact or I wouldn't remember.

He was rude. You probably were rude back but fuck him. He was out of order. Bluddy dinosaur.

No, not unreasonable and not rude. If I'd been there I'd have backed you to the hilt.
The man is a dinosaur and the woman a classic example of how women internalise misogyny.
Your DD will see one day.

Well done you! Can’t bear that kind of crappy sexist comment (which I was frequently on the receiving end of as a child.)

I don't see how the OP was rude? She only spoke to her daughter and what she said to her wasn't rude, only true!
@ElevenBells I think you handled it perfectly. It's a shame that your daughter was embarrassed but honestly, if you'd laughed along with this man it have been far more damaging in the long term. She will see that eventually if you keep parenting her like you are

Well done.

Well done, OP.

Don't doubt yourself for a second. Men who tell little girls to smile are walking red flags and absolutely should have it pointed out to them how rude and inappropriate they are being.

I'd have given that woman a mouthful too, the daft pervert enabling mare.
.

I have never heard a woman EVER tell a man or boy to smile.

Well done to you.

Well done. Creepy and horrible. Bet he doesn’t say that to men and boys.

Well done op.

He's a creep.

You handled that perfectly, OP.

It was the man and the woman who were rude.

This!

It was not a criticism. He deserved it!

I would have ripped them both a new arsehole but I’ve reached my limit with strangers.

Not unreasonable at all. It’s always bloody men, isn’t it? Some old bloke working in his garden told me to ‘cheer up!’ when I was hurrying to keep up with Gdd2, whizzing along on her bike, on the way to pre school.

OK, I do not have a naturally smiley face! But that doesn't mean I’m miserable
The next morning the tedious old bugger was there doing his front garden again, so I stopped on the way back, and the conversation went like this:

‘Was it you who told me to ‘cheer up’ yesterday morning?’ (I knew anyway.)
‘Er, yes.’
‘Well, I wasn’t miserable - it’s just my face, I’m afraid, so I’m future perhaps you’d like to refrain from making such comments to random total strangers.’

And I carried on.

Oh wow that’s awful OP. You 100% did the right thing in telling her she doesn’t have to and calling his behaviour out. What an annoying weirdo he sounds.

Oh and don’t worry about the “you embarrassed me” thing. Pretty soon your very existence in public will embarrass her. It doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong - do what I do what DD11 and lean into the embarrassment. It’s the only way

You did absolutely nothing wrong. Would have referred to him as a creepy man. The other woman should be ashamed of herself for excusing his behaviour.

Good for you OP. I was told to 'smile' on the street by a stranger the day my mum died. They got short shrift in response.

OP you taught her a valuable lesson.

Well done OP, I would have gone batshit at them both

Thanks all. As much as I like to think that I’m a strong, self assured woman who doesn’t give a shit about what people think, I do feel a bit rattled which I know is pathetic as it wasn't even a confrontation! I worked in retail and hospitality in my teens and twentys and had loads of comments on my ‘resting bitch face’ so maybe I’m just a bit triggered.
Thankfully now I’m middle aged most men wouldn’t notice if my face was on fire, let alone if I’m looking a bit miserable.

Not rude at all. Good for you. If more women retaliated like this to sexist twats, there might be fewer of them making such idiotic comments.

Exactly this. I read online that men shouldn't say things to women/girls that they wouldn't be happy to say to someone in prison. 😂

I got this as a teenager and still sometimes get it now.

it’s always creepy men who say it, the worst was when I’d hust found out my Dad had stage 4 cancer and a guy actually waited for me outside the supermarket to tell me I’m pretty but would look better if I smiled.

Fookin loser, I told him where to go