Was I rude? (Being told to smile)

[ElevenBells]

Out shopping with DD 8 and waiting in the self checkout queue. Just waiting quietly with DD stood slightly behind me when I spot a man saying something to her. Didn’t quite catch what he said so turned round and DD was looking up at me a bit embarrassed.
Then I heard the man say something a long the lines of ‘go on let’s have a smile then’. I didn’t address him but said to DD ‘you don’t have to smile because a strange man tells you to, just ignore him’. Then went to scan my shopping.
A woman near him commented to him how rude I was. And he responded with something like ‘no wonder the kids that way if she has a mother like that’. As we left the shop DD said I embarrassed her. Feel bad now but I remember being a quiet kid like DD and putting up with requests to smile because apparently little girls need to have a constant grin plastered across their face. Did I overdo it? DD seems to think I did but tbh I’d have liked to say more.

I would've told him to piss off so all things considered I think you were polite

'unhinged' is a very strong choice of word.
And it's heavily implied by the rest of the post that this man and his garden are on a route that the poster was taking as a regular thing; she didn't 'go over to him'.
I tend to fall victim to l'esprit de l'escalier in scenarios like this and it's good to read about someone getting the chance to say something.

@Newfoundzestforlife are you a man?
It wasn't unnecessary at all.
He 100% would not have said that to a man!

He needs to learn.

Urgh, why are people still doing this? Years ago a friend of mine was told "smile love, it might never happen" just after she had had a miscarriage. Unsurprisingly, she wasn't wandering around with a big grin plastered on her face, but why her facial expression and demeanor were any of this man's business is a mystery!

I think you did the right thing in saying what you said and in the fullness of time, your daughter will see it that way too.

I just watched tonight's episode of Granchester, very apt.

The man harassed a child.

You should have kicked him in the balls and so should all the rest of the customers.

Tell your daughter she's lucky to have a mother who knows a predator when she runs across one, and teach her she owes nobody a smile.

Grown men who are nice do not address children to demand a smile from them.

This man was a pervert.

Do you not understand that this kind of communication action by the pervy old git had nothing whatsoever to do with the child's face?

The elements of the interaction were:
Asserting ownership of a public place.
Targeting of a child by an adult.
Gender based targeting of a child.
Gender based dominance of a child.
Gender based targeting of a woman.
Gender based dominance of a woman.
Humiliation of a woman.
Humiliation of a child.
Aggression.

In other words - this was a power play based on misogyny.

The OP recognized that, and her response went straight to the heart of the matter. That is why the creep got angry.

The other woman recognized that, too, hence her fawning/ arse kissing response.

This is the sort of thread this video is made for

Why not say it back?

"Why don't you give us a smile? Go on you can do better than that! ...Ah you look much nicer when you smile! Now give us a twirl"

Bet that would shut them up

I'd have said that my daughter has been told to ignore strange men.

I hate that some people (usually men) have told me to smile or cheer up.
I was out with my daughter about a week after my son died and we were actually shopping for something to wear for his funeral and yeah we must have looked like a right pair of miserable sods (obviously) and this random bloke told us both to crack a smile and cheer up and I couldn't help myself lol I told him that seeing as we will be attending my 22 year old sons funeral next week we are not in the mood to crack a smile, his face dropped and I honestly felt awful on the way home but funnily enough it did actually make us both laugh when we got in because imagine just innocently telling someone to smile and they drop something awful on you haha my son would have found it funny too.
I do wonder if that bloke has ever said it to anyone else though

If it’s ever said directly to me, I just say “no”.

You weren’t at all rude OP.

Love this! Especially the 'give us a twirl' bit.

this.

I am sorry for your loss and good for you for reacting. I don't think its ever an innocent comment though.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I like: 'you first, face ache!'

🤪

Er, no, he was not being kind. A man speaking to a young girl who is a complete stranger to him is a creep.

This is a real problem for me, I can’t imagine ever walking up to anyone and telling them to smile or cheer up! You never know what people are going through- bereavement, illness, divorce or just a shit life in general. I wish I could turn back time to when I was 21 and just lost my grandad and was ordered to “cheer up ffs” by some sneering random man. I just scuttled away and cried. Things would go a different way now I’m older and wiser but I’ve never forgotten it.

If your DD looked up at you then I'm guessing she's still young? Why do blokes think it's ok to talk to a child they don't know? If this was recent OP then a good opportunity to have a chat with DD about strangers, and not accepting comments like this.

Bit of a reach to call him a pervert isn't it?

You weren't nearly as "ride" as I would have been

I'd have told him to fuck off and leave my child alone.

Rude. Not ride. 🤣🤣

Thats creepy. I can understand someone talking to a baby in slightly a similar way, such as "aren't you lovely, can I have a smile" as something to say when interacting, but at 8 that's just plain odd.