Waiting for the right guy equals no baby

[Chiliconcarneplease]

I'm going full force with this - I hate how many people on here say about waiting for the right guy before having a baby (you had a baby in your situation???) Etc but between 30 to 40% of women are expected to end up childless (involuntarily) because they were searching for the right guy.

We have to accept women having babies in less than ideal situations, or we're fucked as a race.

Because AI is relatively recent.

Because red tape gets in the way but could be cut down.

Because governments have been rubbish and could be a million times better.

A whole host of reasons. I bet every single one of us could think of at least one efficiency that would be doable.

How selfish , to have a child knowing that your family isn’t stable

So does Australia (tfr 1.6) NZ (tfr 1.66) America (tfr1.66) Canada (1.33) Ireland (tfr 1.77) that's before you get to countries where much of the country speaks it as a second language.

You are an idiot.

Where is AI going to add value? Genuine question, it's not clear to me

Red tape is typically workers rights or environmental protections...

Governments are rubbish, but that's directly because of how we do our politics. What changes do you propose that will give us better governments?

Every single one of us could. But it's a whole other matter trying to decide how and which ones to implement

Not nice 😕

It will be a problem for a generation or two but will then stabilise.

SK is massively overcrowded as it is, so in the longer term a smaller population may not be a bad thing. It's only in the past few centuries that populations worldwide have rapidly increased. Prior to that they were stable for millenia. The current situation is not 'normal' in a historical perspective, so a 'correction' may be in order.

In any case, other than going full Handmaid's Tale, there's very little we can or should do to make women have children they don't want to have.

I'm not advocating a handmade's tale, just not pretending that population decline is a source for celebration or ignoring the cascade of political and cultural shifts that will follow.

Lots of women are choosing that. But many women still do want to have children, and platitudes like you can have a perfectly good life without them don't really cut it when the biological drive is strong.

So, yeah, women will likely settle if they have to, rather than live the rest of their lives in regret.

Which is incredibly selfish, especially if it involves saddling the child with a shit father.

The father doesn't have to be shit, just not perfect or a bit ineffectual. And it's easy to virtuously label it selfish when you're safe in the knowledge that you already have children, or didn't have strong feelings to begin with.

But let's also not forget that women (esp. middle class women) are typically hypergamous, that is they date or marry men of equal or higher social status than themselves.

Incel.alert. incel alert.

I know very very few "hypergamous" women.

It's an incel.myth.

No one is perfect. A man doesn't have to be perfect to be a good father.

It is selfish, how is it not?

Selfish to want a child? Well by that definition we all are

Also, the predictable "middle class women", who, according to many on here, really are the root of all societal decay.

It's selfish to have a child if you suspect he won't be a good father, you know it isn't a good situation etc

What about the poor child that has to be born into it?

@SouthLondonMum22 I think you're melodramatising the majority of situations. Mostly by 'settling' I'm thinking of men that are a bit meh, not outright abusers or dangerous. That's a very different scenario.

If you're in your late 30s and with an OK guy then yes I think many women settle and I don't think it's 'incredibly' selfish, I think it's a normal human drive. You want people to be heroically self sacrificing but you don't have to make that call yourself.

No one is owed a child by another human being, let alone a decent one.

Men can still be bad fathers without any abuse or danger.

It's a choice, a selfish one with little thought to the child and all about what the woman wants.

I didn't and wouldn't settle. I'd rather not have had children at all than give them a useless, shitty father.

This. The thought of going through such an intimate procedure with the sperm of someone I don't even know is verging on disgusting to me.

Lots of men might tick good boxes on paper, but their personality in real life can be either abusive, high manipulative, narcissistic, or verging on psychopathic in some cases (they won't all commit crime or have criminal records). It can take months if not years in some cases for those traits to fully come out in a regular relationship, so the likelyhood that they are going to be decently screened out if the man is deceptive is about zero.

Personality traits can be biologically inherited and you can't eliminate them all by the decent upbringing, so imagine having a son with those traits as a single mother too. It's very risky, and women learn this the hard way.

The issue is; we seem to have become a society where everyone just expects everything as a God Given Right.

The wants of the parents trump the notion that this may not be a suitable situation to bring a child into- be that lack of emotional or financial stability. They seem to forget that this is a real life human being they are bringing into the world.

The vast majority of people marry within their own socio economic class.

The CEO marrying the secretary might be cute in a 1950s romantic comedy, but it's not the reality.

What about the political, social, environmental, and economic shifts that will follow from an ever increasing population?

There is also the fact that it's dishonest to be in a relationship that you are only staying in to have a child. I can't imagine telling a guy I love him and having sex with him just so I could get pregnant when I wasn't being 100% sincere. How does that work in real life.

What if we don't want to be human breeding machines or want to share our offspring with a total waste of space? Do you really think the product of this ridiculous suggestion (a living breathing child) will turn into a well-adjusted adult with this shambolic set up? A child's best interest is far more important than a woman's selfish desire to have a child at any cost.

Our worth as women does not solely lie in reproducing, a woman is far better off single, independent and not financially burdened by a low life loser, just for the sake of being a mother.