Waiting for the right guy equals no baby

[Chiliconcarneplease]

I'm going full force with this - I hate how many people on here say about waiting for the right guy before having a baby (you had a baby in your situation???) Etc but between 30 to 40% of women are expected to end up childless (involuntarily) because they were searching for the right guy.

We have to accept women having babies in less than ideal situations, or we're fucked as a race.

I actually disagree with use of donor anything. We have a right to know our biological parents - this opinion is based on personal experience so it's different for individuals.

The amount of times I read about donar eggs on mumsnet does disgust me though.

Anyone that puts their wants/needs above the needs of a child should perhaps think a bit more about what kind of parent they will be.

You only have to read the first page of this board to see the consequences of women settling for not quite the right man - lazy dads, women doing all the parenting and housework, women unexpectedly becoming single mothers because men don’t like being deprioritised for a baby…and think about the consequences and impact for those children. YABU.

Thr planet has more than enough people on it already but if you're desperate to have a child then it's possible to do it alone, with donor sperm.
You have no guarantee that the "right guy" will remain so during pregnancy/early childhood, or if either of you become ill. You have no guarantee that the "right guy" is fertile.
I'm not sure what you mean by "as a race" - the planet will manage perfectly well without humans of any kind. If you're implying we need to promote one race/nation over another then you're straying into xenophobic territory.

I agree that deliberately depriving a child of one half of its family history to satisfy one’s own want is wrong.

What do you mean by ‘have have to accept this’. Who are you referring to as we? People can do what they want, if someone wants to have a baby with a man who isn’t committed or isn't good then that’s on them and they must plan for that whilst planning for a baby, go into it expecting to be a single parent at some point.

I do sort of agree with you. As long as the man isn't awful.

I wonder how many decades of a plummeting population it would take before men realised they needed to up their game though.

One race? What are you talking about? My children are mixed race?

What a weird comment. Race means human

No, you mean species, not race, if you're specifying humans.

The human race has not reached the numbers it has through consenting adults in loving relationships alone. Far from it.

That's what made me think. British men are failing - it's not men. It's British men. I

Thank you.

No man is perfect.
Having said that, having a child with a useless idiot is not the answer! At all!
The species is not endangered, so no worries on that front.

Why do we have to accept it?

I never had children because I never met the right person for me and I am fine with that decision.

A poor quality partnership just to have children always struck me as a very stupid thing to do. And there is no incentive for men to be better partners when most people think the way you do.

I dont think we need to worry about the earth being underpopulated. So I don't think we need to do anything except realise that breeding and parenthood is not a fundamental human right.

And fewer people having children does not mean we are “fucked as a race”. Most people will still have children - we have near 8 BILLION people on earth. We will not run out of people.

Do you have a source for you rather wild claim that 30% -40% of women will be involuntarily childless?

I very much doubt we'll be 'fucked as a human race'. There are already too many people on earth and the numbers just keep rising.

You can have a perfectly good life without having children. In fact, more and more women are choosing to do so.

So the woman’s desires are the only that matters. Not the child’s right to a good life without a sense of abandonment / being emotionally harmed by the shitty parent.

Look women can and will do what they want. I don’t even care about women having kids with shitty men / in shitty situations (unless they want others to pay for it.)

But don’t have kids in a shitty situation and then constantly whine about that.

It doesn't need increasing.

How do you even have sex with / form relationships with men you don’t like to be able to create a child with them?

That’s unfathomable to me.

You're not wrong in what you're saying, children do need good fathers so I can understand the frustration with potentially ending up with nothing.

My advice is to find them when you're both young because they're often still kind, still believe in love and are not jaded so they can become good men, husbands and fathers.

Think it depends on how much you want a baby

But what about the baby? The baby isn’t an item he/she is a person in their own right who deserves the same chance in life as any other child.
Have a baby with someone who isn’t the love of your life but you expect will be a present father - fine
Have a baby with a guy you expect will be a deadbeat dad - that’s not fair on the baby

I’m not sure really what you mean by “we have to accept women having children in less than ideal situations”, who has to accept it? And who doesn’t? And I’d argue that we’re potentially more “fucked as a race” if just having kids with anyone becomes the norm, lots of single parent households requiring UC or top ups to stay afloat, more children growing up not knowing or having a relationship with one of their parents, more women in vulnerable positions having children with men they don’t fully agree with or who may be abusive and are then tied to them, children growing up in households with parents who don’t even like each other half the time, or children growing up seeing dad twice a year for Christmas & birthday?

I think the thing is your point focuses really too much on what a woman wants and not enough on what is best for a child. That should really be your primary concern when thinking about a baby, the life & relationships a child should have.