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Original poster

Do you ever wish you could go back in time and choose differently

69 replies

Ivecockedmylifeup2025 · 02/02/2025 11:19

I know I'm probably BU and I know it's pointless and a waste of energy and all that, but sometimes I wish I could go back and make different choices.

Not my ENTIRE life, as I wouldn't want to go back to childhood, but I wish I could go back to college/uni and start again from there.

Life hasn't been easy for me - I'm mid 40s now and feel down sometimes.

I'm limited in terms of creating a wonderful future for health related reasons.

I have no family or partner and no real desire for a partner anyway.

I wish I'd focused more on myself rather than chose the partner I did and avoided how things turned out.

I can't do anything about it of course, but youth is definitely wasted on the young.

Anyone else feel similarly? Do you look back and wish you knew then what you do now with the benefit of age and (hopefully) wisdom? Would you have made different decisions at various points along the way?

OP posts:
FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 02/02/2025 13:39

This is something I tend to mull over when I'm feeling a bit low. There are things I'd possibly change but then I wouldn't be where I am today or have my kids so when I really dig into it I probably wouldn't.

CdcRuben · 02/02/2025 14:08

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

CanadianJohn · 02/02/2025 14:25

I'm 78, and so a lot of years to look back on. Yes, I made some dreadful choices in the past... I'm talking 40 and 50 years ago... but I'm pretty content with where I'm at now.

Would I want a do-over? Heck no, I'm looking forward, and I would hate to be where I was 50 years ago.

BarneyRonson · 02/02/2025 14:33

Yes! I would have chosen a different husband. Definitely.

DancingLions · 02/02/2025 14:46

A common theme does seem to be relationships.

I'm happily single now and planning to stay that way. But in all honestly, I have only reached that point because of my bad relationships in the past. If I hadn't had them I would still be "looking for love" and would probably be disappointed!

So even there I can't say I wish I'd chosen differently because none of them were all bad. There were some good times. And I feel at this point able to make an informed choice on whether I think it's worth trying again (I don't 😂). I wouldn't swap that for never having had a relationship. Because I know I'd be yearning for one if that was the case.

strangeandfamiliar · 02/02/2025 14:50

Only if I could still have the DH, DC and life I have now. Definitely regret some things around early adulthood, starting with decisions and choices I made in sixth form and university. Still annoyed with myself about some of the career, education, house purchase and relationship choices I made. But well into my fifties now and I wouldn't want a do-over. I'm much more at the stage of hoping my young adult dc make the right choices in similar situations!

TheYearOfSmallThings · 02/02/2025 14:51

DancingLions · 02/02/2025 11:32

Everything that's happened has brought me to where I am now. And I'm very happy with where I am now. So no I wouldn't change anything.

Have I made mistakes? Yes, loads! But I believe it was things I needed to learn and wouldn't have done so without making those mistakes.

No one gets it right all the time. But you learn and grow from it. That's kind of the point of being human.

This is how I feel. When I look back I can see lots of mistakes and things I would do differently now, but you can only live one life and I have no complaints about mine. I can also see that some of my good choices turned to shit through no fault of mine, and some of my slapdash or downright stupid decisions turned out great in the end, so I don't even think things would necessarily turn out better if we made all the wisest choices.

Devilgate · 02/02/2025 14:56

So much so OP - I’d like to go back to 1986 and start over as that I feel was the start of my really good opportunities- I’d have made different choices and not wasted them

NordicwithTeen · 02/02/2025 14:58

Yes, I wish I hadn't been so set on having a family and a LTR when I was 18-30. I should have focused on my career instead and I maybe wouldn't be so jaded now, mid 40's at how many men can have it all and still want more - their grass is always greener. Women really do need to think of themselves first, 'cos the men certainly do! I wish more women had been honest with me that they settle or ignore things that really hurt, like cheating, then I wouldn't have bothered.

Rispa42 · 02/02/2025 15:01

Yes. All the time. Every little twist and turn I obsess over. It’s really unhealthy and I wish I could stop. I’ve had therapy to try and tackle it and I know it’s such a waste of energy but I still fall in the traps of ‘what ifs’.

InBedBy10 · 02/02/2025 15:03

My only real regret is my ex. Looking back the red flags were there but I was very young and had rose coloured glasses on. I know id be in a much better place now had i not got with him. But although I despise this man, if I hadn't got with him then I wouldn't have my children. And I wouldn't give them up for the world.

But yes, OP I think most people have regrets in life.

RatedDoingMagic · 02/02/2025 15:11

Yes I feel like this a lot. If I could send a message back to my 18yo self my life would be so different. We make so many choices based in incorrect information, ill-informed assumptions, insufficient self-awareness and blind arrogance.

But we each get issued with one life.

I found listening to the Audiobook of The Midnight Library by Matt Haig to be really helpful. The central character gets an opportunity to explore all the might-have-been alternative paths for all the different choices that she regrets over her life, and has a go at working out how to find peace with the paths chosen.

BoredZelda · 02/02/2025 15:31

I'd have started a family sooner, and tried for a second child much earlier.

Fordian · 02/02/2025 15:48

I recall a 'what you would tell your 25 year old self' thread from a while back. 90% of the responses were 'study harder and don't chase after that loser'!

In retrospect I was very fortunate because I went to an academic girls secondary school, 73-80 (I'm that old!) where having a boyfriend at 15 was 'okay' but not in the slightest bit usual, but you certainly hid the fact you were sleeping with him, if you were! Most of my friends lost their virginity at around 17 or 18, but we were all heading for careers so weren't about to get bogged down by boys in our hometown!

That was pure luck.

If I have any regrets they are allowing my wine consumption to get a bit out of hand, and getting overweight (related!), and maybe we should've got married and had our two DSs 3-4 years earlier than we did, but me and DH were still having too much fun to consider it.

Fordian · 02/02/2025 15:48

Sorry, that should read '15 year old self'!

cunningartificer · 02/02/2025 18:06

I remember once having a terrifyingly realistic dream where I wanted to go back and change my life, and the life I got was the life I have now. It's not perfect (though I've learned interesting things) but what I escaped from was so much worse.

So sometimes I wonder if we do get that chance to change things, but forget about the previous version of our lives, and end up complaining about things we could be quite grateful for!

EmpressaurusKittyBella · 02/02/2025 18:14

It’s tricky, and like what PPs have said.

The biggest mistake I ever made was moving in with my ex, but if I hadn’t done that then I wouldn’t be where I am now, and I love where I am now.

Of course I might have ended up somewhere even better.

SoapySponge · 02/02/2025 18:21

OMG, yes.

(1) went to the grammar school I was originally offered (parents refused it as it was Catholic and we weren't RC).

(2) took the second (lower paid) job I was offered on leaving school as I now see it had more long term opportunities.

(3) married later than I did.

MedusaAndHerFavourites · 02/02/2025 18:23

I waste a lot of time wishing that I'd made better choices. There is no way to do that so I should put my energy and effort into now and my future.

sometimesmovingforwards · 02/02/2025 18:24

No.
All the decisions I’ve made and actions I’ve taken, both good and bad, have lead me to where I am today.

DrCoconut · 02/02/2025 18:32

Ex here too 😫

Ijustlovemydog · 02/02/2025 18:36

I wish I had never started drinking 😞

Original poster
Ivecockedmylifeup2025 · 03/02/2025 10:25

RatedDoingMagic · 02/02/2025 15:11

Yes I feel like this a lot. If I could send a message back to my 18yo self my life would be so different. We make so many choices based in incorrect information, ill-informed assumptions, insufficient self-awareness and blind arrogance.

But we each get issued with one life.

I found listening to the Audiobook of The Midnight Library by Matt Haig to be really helpful. The central character gets an opportunity to explore all the might-have-been alternative paths for all the different choices that she regrets over her life, and has a go at working out how to find peace with the paths chosen.

I've read that novel and loved it. Thanks for reminding me - I must read it again. It really touched me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ivecockedmylifeup2025 · 03/02/2025 10:27

Thanks everyone for sharing your feelings about this issue. It has really helped to know others feel like this, as well as get some useful suggestions about how to move forward. I hope you all find peace with where you're at as the alternative is so painful.

OP posts:
multicolouredbunting · 03/02/2025 10:48

I regret staying with my now husband. I should have walked away 18 years ago. I don't know what I was thinking tbh. The only thing that stops me dwelling on it is, I wouldn't have my children if I had walked away, and they are the reason to go on each day.
I can't stand him most the time, in his eyes I am not good enough for him when in reality (and I'm not just blowing my own trumpet) I could do so much better.
If I had the money I'd just up and go. Which is the same for many out there now, staying because of finances.
But if I won on the lottery, I'd happily hand him his half and I'd be out of here like a shot.

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