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Original poster

Do you ever wish you could go back in time and choose differently

69 replies

Ivecockedmylifeup2025 · 02/02/2025 11:19

I know I'm probably BU and I know it's pointless and a waste of energy and all that, but sometimes I wish I could go back and make different choices.

Not my ENTIRE life, as I wouldn't want to go back to childhood, but I wish I could go back to college/uni and start again from there.

Life hasn't been easy for me - I'm mid 40s now and feel down sometimes.

I'm limited in terms of creating a wonderful future for health related reasons.

I have no family or partner and no real desire for a partner anyway.

I wish I'd focused more on myself rather than chose the partner I did and avoided how things turned out.

I can't do anything about it of course, but youth is definitely wasted on the young.

Anyone else feel similarly? Do you look back and wish you knew then what you do now with the benefit of age and (hopefully) wisdom? Would you have made different decisions at various points along the way?

OP posts:
ACynicalDad · 02/02/2025 11:22

Sure I'd change things, but I don't dwell on it and don't think it's particularly helpful to get stuck in that mindset. Try to look forward; you still have half a life to live.

Peregrina · 02/02/2025 11:23

Not at all.
I would have chosen different O level options ( I predate GCSEs), and had different and I think better career options. OTOH I might not have met my husband and had the children I had, if I had been able to pursue a different course.

Needmorelego · 02/02/2025 11:29

I wish I had chosen completely different GCSEs.
Unfortunately at my school we were literally left to our own devices about what to choose -no guidance or information or anything.
I get quite angry about it sometimes but not much I can do now.

pimplebum · 02/02/2025 11:30

I often wonder if I could Tweek things in the past I do wonder about all the alternative lives I could be living and pain I could have avoided by not making life mistakes but then those mistakes are what make up who I am far more than my success
on the whole I try to look at mistakes as life lessons that made me stronger and help me avoid them again

DancingLions · 02/02/2025 11:32

Everything that's happened has brought me to where I am now. And I'm very happy with where I am now. So no I wouldn't change anything.

Have I made mistakes? Yes, loads! But I believe it was things I needed to learn and wouldn't have done so without making those mistakes.

No one gets it right all the time. But you learn and grow from it. That's kind of the point of being human.

NachoChip · 02/02/2025 11:45

You could look at it this way.... think to when you're 60, you could be looking back to this moment and wishing you'd made a change in your 40s. So what choices do you think 60 year old you would wish you'd make now? You can't change your past but you can change the trajectory of your future so channel this regret into action and draw a line here.

Original poster
Ivecockedmylifeup2025 · 02/02/2025 11:50

DancingLions · 02/02/2025 11:32

Everything that's happened has brought me to where I am now. And I'm very happy with where I am now. So no I wouldn't change anything.

Have I made mistakes? Yes, loads! But I believe it was things I needed to learn and wouldn't have done so without making those mistakes.

No one gets it right all the time. But you learn and grow from it. That's kind of the point of being human.

That's a great way to be.

I do have times where I feel like that, albeit I wouldn't say I'm happy with my life now in a lot of ways, which is probably the problem. I have a disability which affects me very badly and it resulted from difficult decisions I made. So it's complicated. However, I can see that there's good in my life now and things to be grateful for.

I put a lot of pressure on myself rather than accepting I make mistakes, which I'm (ironically!) trying to work on.

Thanks for your input here.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ivecockedmylifeup2025 · 02/02/2025 11:52

NachoChip · 02/02/2025 11:45

You could look at it this way.... think to when you're 60, you could be looking back to this moment and wishing you'd made a change in your 40s. So what choices do you think 60 year old you would wish you'd make now? You can't change your past but you can change the trajectory of your future so channel this regret into action and draw a line here.

Yes this is a very wise suggestion and I need to really ponder it. Thank you.

OP posts:
Mittens67 · 02/02/2025 11:52

My biggest regrets are men and getting married. I lost so much in terms of my happiness, career, health and finances.
I would be so much better off now if I had lived a single life.

Original poster
Ivecockedmylifeup2025 · 02/02/2025 11:54

Mittens67 · 02/02/2025 11:52

My biggest regrets are men and getting married. I lost so much in terms of my happiness, career, health and finances.
I would be so much better off now if I had lived a single life.

I really feel this. I chose an abusive man so I wish I'd had better self esteem and ability to live my own life. A lot of things would potentially be easier or even non existent now if I had.

I'm sorry you feel this too.

OP posts:
Globalwalker · 02/02/2025 11:57

NachoChip · 02/02/2025 11:45

You could look at it this way.... think to when you're 60, you could be looking back to this moment and wishing you'd made a change in your 40s. So what choices do you think 60 year old you would wish you'd make now? You can't change your past but you can change the trajectory of your future so channel this regret into action and draw a line here.

Very true.

I wish I’d worked harder at school but then I still got into Uni, but then I have a mediocre degree because I didn’t push myself. I wish I’d had the motivation to work harder but I didn’t for some reason, however I’ve always worked hard at wherever I’ve worked. I guess I’m just not academic and should have gone down the more vocational route but back on the early 90’s this was never mentioned at my school etc. It’s made me more mindful though about my own DC and how they achieve at school and what their future options could be other than Uni.

romdowa · 02/02/2025 12:05

I often wonder how my life would have been had things been different. Especially around events that changed my life but its pointless isn't it ? These things happened and as a result the course of my life was changed for better or for worse. I just try to make the best of where I am now and think that it all happens for a reason.

LizTruss · 02/02/2025 12:11

Hmmm, yes I think I do... 🤔

Original poster
Ivecockedmylifeup2025 · 02/02/2025 12:19

romdowa · 02/02/2025 12:05

I often wonder how my life would have been had things been different. Especially around events that changed my life but its pointless isn't it ? These things happened and as a result the course of my life was changed for better or for worse. I just try to make the best of where I am now and think that it all happens for a reason.

Yup, it's pointless, but I guess sometimes it can help to hear other people feel the same and that it's a normal human thing.

OP posts:
BunnyLake · 02/02/2025 12:24

Yes lots of things. Most things. If I was equipped with the knowledge I have now I would have changed just about every decision I ever made. As its impossible and hypothetical my kids would still be my kids though.

BunnyLake · 02/02/2025 12:26

Mittens67 · 02/02/2025 11:52

My biggest regrets are men and getting married. I lost so much in terms of my happiness, career, health and finances.
I would be so much better off now if I had lived a single life.

100%. Me too. (I do live a single life now and will never change it).

CdcRuben · 02/02/2025 12:38

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Itiswhysofew · 02/02/2025 12:42

I wish I'd been more studious. I also wish I'd continued with music studies which could have led to playing in an orchestra.

Life has been good in many ways. No struggles as such.

Lanawashington · 02/02/2025 12:43

Yes absolutely. There are two things I would change if I could. I wish I’d trusted my gut and gone down the career path I wanted, rather than letting my parents interfere. And I wish I’d never let myself get fat as it’s really bloody hard to undo itGrin

thecherryfox · 02/02/2025 12:45

When I was 19 I was in uni and thriving until I got into an abusive relationship which impacted my mental health severely. He was evil, the worst kind of human you could think of. I tried to end my own life, I quit the course I was thriving in and just haven’t been the same again. I wish I didn’t look in this guys direction, I would go back and not turn up the the event I met him at. I definitely think my life, my career, my mental health, my relationships with people, the way I perceive myself etc would be so much different and better than it is now if I didn’t meet him.

XxSideshowAuntSallyx · 02/02/2025 12:50

Yes, I wish I had dumped my ex when I first found out he lied to me. Then I wish I had gone for that drink with the guy from my university's rugby team (he was everything I wanted and still want in a man) instead of staying with my ex.

I often wonder what would have happened if I had done both of those things. I certainly wouldn't have gone through the abuse I did with my ex. I may even have had a proper career path and a decent husband and some children. Who knows.

But there's no point dwelling on what could have been. The future is still there to be written so I just worry about the here and now. I can't change the past but I can change the future.

taxi4ballet · 02/02/2025 12:50

Some things I'd change. Most of them I wouldn't, because if I did go back and change the past, then my dc wouldn't exist.

ohyesido · 02/02/2025 12:51

Every day. I wish at 18 I had stayed home that one Saturday night when I met my son's useless father

ThatsNotMyTeen · 02/02/2025 12:52

I’d have chosen a different uni and also travelled more

unsync · 02/02/2025 13:32

No, what's done is done. Draw the lessons from it and keep moving forward. Appreciate where you are now, use it to build on.