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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To give up working

141 replies

BrickZebra · 02/02/2025 09:56

AIBU to quit working? For the past 12 years I’ve worked in a job I absolutely loathe, 3 out of 5 days are vile, the others manageable. The issue is it is extremely well paid, I would never ever get anywhere near what I earn again…I’ve tried!!!

This job has allowed me to pay off our mortgage and we also own another home so are more than comfortable, we have security. My husband also earns equally as well. We could survive on his wage very very easily.

He doesn’t want me to quit. What should I do?

OP posts:

KarmenPQZ · 02/02/2025 10:06

What would you do day to day? Whats the long term plan? Whats your pension like?

I wouldn’t want to work whilst my partner didn’t

LeafofLorien · 02/02/2025 11:11

I would 100% quit. If the agreement between the 2 of you is that you both need to work then I'd find something lower paid that is more enjoyable. Life is far too short to work a job you hate, you've done the hard work by paying off your mortgage and getting yourself some stability.

Ameliepoulainandthephotobooth · 02/02/2025 11:14

I’m your Dh in this situation. My Dh no longer works and it’s causing massive resentment.

Newname85 · 02/02/2025 11:16

why should he work when you don’t? Surely if you earn well too, he can quit and you can earn?

Newname85 · 02/02/2025 11:16

Who likes working?!

OddBoots · 02/02/2025 11:18

Would it be worth just changing job in he first instance, then seeing how you feel?

Fencehedge · 02/02/2025 11:18

Why is it all or nothing? You could go into another job and it doesn't necessarily need to be on the same pay level as you have now.. Why not just do something you actually enjoy perhaps? Even if it's minimum wage in a craft shop (for example), or volunteering. You can't take it with you.

IVFmumoftwo · 02/02/2025 11:20

Well if he doesn't want you too then you can't give up work. Best thing might be to just look for something different instead.

Winterscoming77 · 02/02/2025 11:21

Leave the job, take 6 months off and then get something totally different and easy or start your own business. I think ‘quit forever’ is a bit extreme but ‘sabbatical to find myself’ is an easier sell to DH

Fencehedge · 02/02/2025 11:21

If he doesn't want you to quit this specific job, and you hate it, then you divorce because he's controlling, and take one of the houses.

Rachmorr57 · 02/02/2025 11:22

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

healthybychristmas · 02/02/2025 11:28

What is bad about your job?

PinkiOcelot · 02/02/2025 11:31

So if you couldn’t get a job on the same salary as you’re on now, get a different job with a lower salary. A lower salary is better than £0, is it not?

IVFmumoftwo · 02/02/2025 11:43

Fencehedge · 02/02/2025 11:21

If he doesn't want you to quit this specific job, and you hate it, then you divorce because he's controlling, and take one of the houses.

Edited

Oh give over. Many would not want to be paying for everything on just the one wage.

Ameliepoulainandthephotobooth · 02/02/2025 11:44

Fencehedge · 02/02/2025 11:21

If he doesn't want you to quit this specific job, and you hate it, then you divorce because he's controlling, and take one of the houses.

Edited

Is it controlling to want your partner to contribute to the household finances? Damn.

Op is only thinking of two options, stay in a well paid job that they hate or no job at all. I’m not surprised that the partner isn’t happy. Where’s the other options.

sparkellie · 02/02/2025 11:46

Why doesn't he want you to quit? Is he happy in his job? If not is there room for you both to move to jobs that pay less but would make you happier?

Fencehedge · 02/02/2025 11:47

Ameliepoulainandthephotobooth · 02/02/2025 11:44

Is it controlling to want your partner to contribute to the household finances? Damn.

Op is only thinking of two options, stay in a well paid job that they hate or no job at all. I’m not surprised that the partner isn’t happy. Where’s the other options.

Show quote history

But he's a super earner and they don't need her wage?

TheWayTheLightFalls · 02/02/2025 11:47

Your financial situation gives you some options that others wouldn’t have.

Would going part time be possible/address some of the issues?
If you move to a different company doing the same thing - likely to solve the issues? Are the issues more your work culture/colleagues or something integral to the industry?
Could you retrain into something adjacent, or even something very different?

Fencehedge · 02/02/2025 11:49

IVFmumoftwo · 02/02/2025 11:43

Oh give over. Many would not want to be paying for everything on just the one wage.

Show quote history

Then if OP's choices are incompatible with her husband's wishes, there are consequences.

sugarspiceandeverythingnice12 · 02/02/2025 11:49

If your husband is also unhappy in his job (is that why he doesn't want you to quit??) .....could you both CHANGE jobs but both keep working?

Would that be fairer overall?

moose62 · 02/02/2025 11:50

Is it because of the money or the fact he wants you to have a job and pull your weight. Would he feel the same if you quit this job but found another at a lower salary?

Daisy12Maisie · 02/02/2025 11:52

I don't think it's fair to your husband to not work at all whilst he is working but I also don't think he can tell you you must stay in that particular job when it's not a case of you need that amount of money to put food on the table. Get a different job even if it pays less. If he is unhappy say he can also get a different job. If you are mortgage free with a rental house even 2 minimum wage jobs would be more than enough to live on. Paying off your mortgage has given you choices but I don't think it's enough to not work at all. Or if it's possible work part time in your current post.

Ameliepoulainandthephotobooth · 02/02/2025 11:58

Fencehedge · 02/02/2025 11:47

But he's a super earner and they don't need her wage?

Show quote history

Maybe he could quit too? And they can live happily ever after.

jeaux90 · 02/02/2025 12:04

Very entitled OP just find another job, no one loves working!

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 02/02/2025 12:10

Reduce your working days so less intolerable perhaps?

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