To give up working

[BrickZebra]

AIBU to quit working? For the past 12 years I’ve worked in a job I absolutely loathe, 3 out of 5 days are vile, the others manageable. The issue is it is extremely well paid, I would never ever get anywhere near what I earn again…I’ve tried!!!

This job has allowed me to pay off our mortgage and we also own another home so are more than comfortable, we have security. My husband also earns equally as well. We could survive on his wage very very easily.

He doesn’t want me to quit. What should I do?

Quit.

Never do a job where the salary is compensation for doing the job in the first place.

You can’t require your H to support you financially if he doesn’t agree to

I do wonder however why he’s so keen for you to keep doing a job you hate given you clearly don’t really need the money. Doesn’t sound very nice. Does he also hate his job and it’s a sort of “you can’t quit if I can’t?”

Your job did not enable you to pay off the mortgage unless you were the only person working. It was both your jobs. YABU - if you can afford to take a cut in pay and you both agree that, then fine. But whether you will be able to manage on one wage is irrelevant - he doesn't want to be paying for your life of leisure and I don't blame him.

Barely anyone love their work. Or we would all do it for nothing or at least very little money.

If he loses his job...?

DH absolutely loves his job! An absolute workaholic and due to this I pick up all the additional work in terms of looking after the house, running after our 3 boys. This is why I’ve gone straight to the idea of just not working.

Oh!

Why doesn't he want you to quit?

Paid off by my bonus’s

Can't you go part time?

He wants me to do 5-10 more years so we can really build up investments.

My company won’t allow it unfortunately

I really want to know what the job is!

You and DH need to come to an agreement. It would be unfair to make this decision unilaterally. If my DH did that it would probably be the end of our relationship.

I don't think you can unilaterally decide that he needs to be the sole earner. That isn't reasonable.

Having said that, I don't think that he can unilaterally decide that the children and the housework are your responsibility. That isn't reasonable either.

If he wants you to contribute equally from a financial perspective, he needs to do an equal share of the other stuff. Anything other than a 50/50 split of all responsibilities needs to be negotiated so that you both feel things are fair and workable.

Is there not a halfway house where you get a less well paid job but still work and contribute?

PR for a bank.

If this is the case I'm even more inclined to say 100% quit your job as per my original post. Raising 3 children and running a household is a full time job in itself. Don't run yourself into the ground for a future that you're too old and tired to enjoy. There has to be some work life balance or what is the point? You can't take it with you.

Nobody likes a passenger

Why on earth would you even consider to "give up working" instead of trying to find a different job? Even if you wouldn't get the same high wage, yours is not the only job around. It makes no sense whatsoever to think "oh, I won't get 100 percent of what I earn now, better go for 0 percent of it."

What are you expecting to live on? What if your DH loses his job? You'd eat through the equity, so the extra house is some security, but not 'no job money'. What if you divorce? What about your pension?

Bonkers.

I see. Would he be OK with you doing this in a lower paid job. So that you're (hopefully) happier?

Fully understand that not enjoying your job can leave you miserable. But just quitting and sitting on your arse at home all day, being funded by someone else isn’t the answer.
Get your ducks in a row and look for a better job.

So you have the experience and contacts for an alternative PR job, employed, contract freelance.

In pursuit of a better life it is ok to work for the lower salaries that most of us base our lives on.

Of course you needn’t make yourself miserable and ill in a job you hate if you have options.

I would find a new role that continues to contribute to your household and future.

It isn’t fair for your DH to expect you to be the main earner or be miserable, but not fair to step off the plan for your shared future in retirement.

Lifes too short to stick at doing you hate, especially when financially you don't need to.

I gave up working early, cared for a parent, looked after home and family, my husband was fine with it. We always pooled our resources, it was never his or mine...it was ours.
We didn't have a spare property either, but we managed perfectly well.

I would talk to your husband and tell him how unhappy you are at work, imo, he is being unreasonable.

Me! And I'm on minimum wage and can barely stay afloat but I wouldn't swap my job for anything.

Just quitting work completely or getting a lower paid job? The later is reasonable as long as things like bills would still be covered, the former isn't fair on your DH. Just saw you meant not work at all and hes not sharing the weight at home which changes things a bit. Still part time at some other job would probably be more reasonable than you not woking anymore l.