Omg please help!

[Toddlerhelpplease123]

Toddler is nearly 3.

Every morning when he wakes up. We get him out of his cot and he can run around upstairs or come into bed whilst his dad or I get morning drinks (milk/ tea etc.)

For the last couple of weeks he has started screaming in the morning when we go downstairs to get the drinks.

Like full on. Full wake the whole street up screaming non stop.

I honestly dont know what to do.

Obviously I have been being calm and saying whats wrong, etc. Explaining dad always comes back with the drinks. Offering other drinks that are already available in case hes thirsty (water, squash).

We have done ignoring as well. And sternly please stop screaming - because it is literally as loud as he can.

This has been a few weeks now. He’s just been getting worse. And obviously the return of his drinks is the culmination of the event and he just happily drinks his milk so I dont know whether he thinks his screaming is resulting in a positive outcome.

But we cannot have this.

What do people suggest?

I said to DP this morning maybe we need to try no milk. He can have a glass at breakfast but hes not going to die or starve of milk deprivation in the 20/30 minutes it takes everyone to get to breakfast.

Any ideas! Help please

My solution would be for someone to go and get the drinks before getting him. So his drink is there waiting for him.

Why is the idea of just taking him downstairs immediately such an odd idea to you?

Because he’s not wanting to go downstairs. Or maybe he is but doesn’t know it.

He’s sitting in the bed waiting like he always has. He’s just become entirely impatient over night!

Sorry if the following has been said already; I've only part read the thread but have read all the OP's posts.

@Toddlerhelpplease123

If we take him down then we have to ferry him back up
Why is that so difficult?

Are people honestly just plucking toddler out of room in dressing gown and going immediately downstairs for breakfast without going to the toilet or brushing teeth or anything.
But it's exactly what you're doing now. He's "plucked out" of his cot and given milk. He could have a wee if he wants when he gets up, then go downstairs with whoever is making drinks, then come back with them. The only difference is he'd have been taken up and downstairs in the meantime.
If you need to carry him, you could both go down and 1 get the drinks, the other "ferry" your DS. You say you're both awake and about by that time anyway.
The screaming period won't last forever and he'll be able to cope with the stairs soon enough anyway.

It’s the children who were not taught climbing stairs, trees or climbing frames, going on the big swing and getting bruises on their knees when falling of their bike - because of scared parents who are not doing their actual parenting that they are supposed to, it’s those children who then fall. Parenting is teaching your child to become independent.

It’s highly worrying to read this post.

Include him in the routine. If you make him sit and wait, god help you all 😂
Make it fun, give him a special apron or new “special milk cup” that he can carry safely from the kitchen. If the reason it takes a few minutes to make his milk is because he’s still drinking formula, that absolutely has to stop.

Why would it take longer? You all go down - sit him at the table with the cup of milk and then bring the food over. Will probably be quicker!

but you are also ignoring the fact that people are saying it isn’t about the milk - it’s about the babying. Taking him down and maybe getting him to help with getting his milk will probably make him feel better about the whole process

i feel frustrated just reading your posts as it sounds like everything is a bit of a performance!

Ok. you want this to stop right?
Like many poster I think your ds is hungry/thirsty 1st thing. My ds was the same at that age, grumpy as until breakfast was consumed (well on the table) no screaming mostly
If tackle the cot/bed issue at the same time as this tbh.
So... Make a big deal of telling him about 'now he's a big boy/new routine etc etc' Go somewhere to choose a special/new bed/bedding and cup/bowl (preferably the afternoon before you do this, remind him before bed. You may need the bed delivered of course so maybe just bedding and bowl. Essentially really lay it on thick about how exciting amazing this is. Explain the new routine is he can wake up and come in and get into your bed and he just has to say 'down' and an adult/both adults will take him downstairs (I mean if go with just one adult and take it in turns personally). Then he can choose a cup and sit up at the table for his milk whilst you make porridge/toast and eggs/cereal or whatever.
Problem solved I guarantee.

It won't take longer if you just take him downstairs when he wakes up and give him milk and breakfast, which is the normal thing to do. If you've decided that now you're going to make him wait upstairs for 'the 20-30 minutes' you think it takes to get everyone down for breakfast and not give him milk at this time then you are going to have stressful, miserable mornings for all of you. Just go straight downstairs, it's not hard.

This is such an odd thread 😂 agree with most other PPs that this is likely solved by bringing him downstairs (and teaching him to go downstairs safely - at 3 he should be able to do this really regardless of his size)

@Overthebow

https://www.theguardian.com/education/2025/jan/30/some-children-starting-school-unable-to-climb-staircase-finds-england-and-wales-teacher-survey#:~:text=Education-,Some%20children%20starting%20school%20'unable%20to%20climb%20staircase'%2C%20finds,England%20and%20Wales%20teacher%20survey&text=Some%20children%20are%20starting%20reception,to%20a%20survey%20of%20teachers.

Not really, unless you are cooking a full English?

Seriously take child downstairs, sit at table, give a cup of milk, put kettle on, make child's breakfast during which time the kettle will have boiled to make your tea, then make your breakfast. Everyone is sorted.

If you want a lie in and don't want to get up then talk to your partner, take it in turns to be the one to get up and go downstairs.

Well yes. Why on earth would you brush teeth before breakfast? I just got mine up, took them downstairs and by that age, they were allowed to pour their own milk into a cup (with assistance from me). Obviously go to toilet as well.

Also - all this sitting on the bed, discussing the days events - maybe he’s just not a morning person and can’t function until he has his coffee milk 🤷‍♀️

https://www.theguardian.com/education/2025/jan/30/some-children-starting-school-unable-to-climb-staircase-finds-england-and-wales-teacher-survey

Unable to climb staircase...

Just seen this story and thought I'd share.

Why would it take longer? You take him down, make his milk and hand it to him. Surely it’s quicker, as the person preparing his milk can hand it straight to him rather than bringing it back up your long and arduous stairs?

I think it’s possible he may be screaming for a bit of independence OP. Children try so hard to be independent when parents want to keep them safe as babies.

Is it possible your routine is rather fixed and rigid and he could be shouting out against that …. For his growing development he gradually needs more and more autonomy to decide for himself where to be in terms of upstairs or downstairs. He needs to explore the whole house at age 3 to orient himself properly …all in his own good time.

A child needs supervision on the stairs when they first start climbing, yes of course they do. At that stage it’s a safeguarding issue and stair gates may be needed.
But most babies normally start climbing as soon as they can crawl. Preventing them doing so is an obstacle to development. By now he should be able to manage the stairs independently and safely. He needs to practise the stairs, in his own way at the time he shows a wish to keep doing it. As much as you can, you should give him the supervision until he masters it safely. I think you have a bit of catching up to do on that skill.

Good Parenting isn’t preventing them gaining skills. It’s enabling them and encouraging them to gain those skills safely at the time they show they are ready.

Maybe you could think again about your morning routine. It’s hard to keep up, but a child’s needs change all the time in line with their sometimes very fast development but you seem stuck in keeping what’s worked for you in the past when it’s clear it no longer works for your dc any longer. Change it up a bit until you find what works for him.

I know it’s hard in a busy household with siblings at different stages and both parents trying to get ready for work and their day. But try letting him follow his parent downstairs and see how he reacts. Make time for him to play on the stairs a bit if he’s happy to do that. Turn the stairs into a bus or train and really engage with him. Even if it’s 6am.
Playing is HIS work as a child, so different to your work as an adult of course, but it can’t be ignored and it’s best for him if you support him and listen to his needs.
Good luck!

When our 2 year old wakes up he’s taken straight downstairs for breakfast. We don’t get dressed or do his teeth etc until afterwards. I’d just end up having to change his top/wash him again.

Also in a cot and will be staying there until he outgrows it!

If you don’t want to take him down can you keep some milk in a cool bag/thermos upstairs?

Do people not dress for breakfast anymore? I expect you’ll tell me soon there is no dinner gong soon and people don’t put on formal evening wear either. Standards people, standards.

Seriously though. Have breakfast in your PJs with unbrushed teeth.

He's impatient because he's frustrated, because he's too old for a baby-style routine. Unfortunately, at 3 years old, he doesn't know why he's frustrated, so he screams.

I suspect moving towards independence is the key here, so you will have to adapt your routine and take the lead on teaching him things.

Why on earth would it take longer?

Downstairs, cup of milk whilst parent makes hot drinks and breakfast.

Done!

You sound really rigid in your routine. I don't like changes to my morning or night time routine either but you do need to have some flexibility with parenting or you are going to be dealing with a lot of struggles.
What your doing isn't working, just take him downstairs and get him a bed. He is probably frustrated as he is ready for some independence and moving on from the routine of a baby.

Teasmade and a little fridge upstairs?

Because he is in a cot! So you TELL him that now we will go downstairs. And you LET him
walk by himself downstairs. Even if it takes an hour. He is screaming because you are failing to meet his needs, it’s your only job as his parent. He has been treated like a baby and doesn’t know how not to be because you don’t get it. So he screams.

And now this will likely take a long time to change, but this is not his fault it’s yours.

New routines, and stick to them.

Oh for goodness sake @Toddlerhelpplease123! I’ve just read this update and I now have a better understanding.

It’s quite clear that you simply don’t want to bother getting up at the same time as your child. This is absolutely ridiculous and completely unfair. This is not how parenting works. You simply can’t just lounge in bed drinking your coffee and go downstairs when you feel like it. No, just no. You don’t need a new milk delivery system, you need to get up and attend to your child’s needs just like every other parent on the planet does!

I do remember those early starts and having to get out of bed being a bit trying! But my children always woke up starving and busy and ready to rock. So we were usually downstairs by 6.30am and having breakfast. No lie-ins or staying in bed for grownups for a few years. But this will pass. And before you know it you won't hear a peep from him until midday.

This is utterly bizarre..just take him downstairs!!! I manage on my own ferrying a 3 year old and a 1 year old up and down the stairs first thing in the morning! Just pop him on the couch and put cbeebies on?!
Also, really obvious but why don't you already have drinks ready upstairs? My 3 year old has a glass of water next to his bed overnight that he can help himself to.
When is he 4? As obviously there's quite alot of development in that 1 year but it does sound like you are babying him. You really need to get him confident on the stairs. Mines been able to get up and down the stairs safely since he was 2!
Sorry: just seen nearly 3, not 3, apologies!!