Omg please help!

[Toddlerhelpplease123]

Toddler is nearly 3.

Every morning when he wakes up. We get him out of his cot and he can run around upstairs or come into bed whilst his dad or I get morning drinks (milk/ tea etc.)

For the last couple of weeks he has started screaming in the morning when we go downstairs to get the drinks.

Like full on. Full wake the whole street up screaming non stop.

I honestly dont know what to do.

Obviously I have been being calm and saying whats wrong, etc. Explaining dad always comes back with the drinks. Offering other drinks that are already available in case hes thirsty (water, squash).

We have done ignoring as well. And sternly please stop screaming - because it is literally as loud as he can.

This has been a few weeks now. He’s just been getting worse. And obviously the return of his drinks is the culmination of the event and he just happily drinks his milk so I dont know whether he thinks his screaming is resulting in a positive outcome.

But we cannot have this.

What do people suggest?

I said to DP this morning maybe we need to try no milk. He can have a glass at breakfast but hes not going to die or starve of milk deprivation in the 20/30 minutes it takes everyone to get to breakfast.

Any ideas! Help please

At 3 he needs to be in a bed. He's not a baby anymore and a cot restricts his independence in getting up. He's screaming to tell you this.

So you can take him down because that means two trips up with the child and then with the drinks. Lazy af.

This is such a weird post OP. At 3 he should be doing stairs, and not requiring milk immediately. A drink with breakfast of course but not immediate milk like a baby.

I find it bizarre that he's still in a cot too, is he toilet trained? At 3 he'll be starting nursery shortly and seems to have absolutely no degree of independence, which will do him no good at all.

When he wakes up, get out of bed and go downstairs for breakfast!

You want him to wait 2 mins for his milk without screaming. That’s not happening. So you need to adapt. Should he be able to wait a couple of mins for his milk? Yes. But he isn’t currently doing that. So how can you move forward in a way that isn’t babying him more than you already are?
Many people, with their experience of children, have said that at this age taking him straight downstairs for breakfast then back up to get ready might be a good solution, but you don’t want to do that. So what do you want to do? And I don’t mean ‘do the same as we already do but without him screaming’ because at the moment that clearly isn’t a realistic solution.

So he is screaming so much that he wakes the whole street but on the other hand your house is so big that taking down the stairs to get the milk is equivalent to climbing down Everest. This doesn't make sense.

Oh for goodness sake hes 3
Hes frustrated at waiting
Op is stuck in the baby stage when one goes for drinks, the other has baby upstairs.
You can lounge around when they are babies.
3 year old has actually moved on but the parents haven't.
All these silly suggestions when it can all be solved by getting up and going downstairs 🙄

You are kind of ignoring that every poster has told you he should be downstairs with you, learning the skill of getting up and downstairs and watching you prepare. I think you obviously enjoy the hot drinks upstairs but aren't realising things need to change as your toddler gets older. He's moving on but ye aren't.

He wants to be free and is hungry, he's been in a cot all night, restricted movement, then into a bed to wait 30 mins for a drink.
Poor child, just bring him down stairs and feed him.

Also, by 3 kids usual get a bed, a small one or a single. If you're worried about him getting down the stairs, get a stair gate.

Morning cuppas in bed are over when kids come along. They come first.

Agreed. OP if you are worried about him rolling out of a big bed you can get those screens that slot along the side but that allow a child to get out if they want. I think mine were in beds quite early...as soon as they could climb out of a cot. A bed was safer!

Ah that makes sense 😅
A 3 year old is a hell of a lot more demanding and irrational than a baby though (I think).
I raised my daughter on my own so I was quite strict with her so the screaming would have been an absolute no from me on day one.
I always used the “Mummy can’t understand you when you’re making this much noise” and she HAD to stop to say what she wanted calmly.

You and your DH need to give up your morning cuppa in bed. When you have children they wake up and want to get up. You can go back to your morning cuppa in bed when your DC are teenagers and don't want to get up until mid morning.

You need to get up, put your dressing gowns on and go downstairs with your DC (or at least one adult does, the other adult can still have a lie in and you could both take turns at that).

DC want to play as soon as they get up. If you want some quiet you can put the TV for half an hour while they drink their milk.

It sounds like you are struggling with the baby stage being over. Your DC should be in a proper bed not in a cot. Your DC needs to learn to use the stairs in your house safely, unless you are planning to move soon, remove your baby gates and let them go up and down. Teach them to go up and down carefully holding onto the hand rail. When your child is sleeping in their own bed they will wake up on their own and go downstairs on their own. One adult will need to get up at this point unless you trust your child to entertain themselves downstairs. This post is all centred around your morning cuppa in bed and I'm sorry but now you have a child this has to go for a while.

I would take him down with you. Get the drinks then go back up to get ready etc. We always go down stairs 1st thing to drink, have breakfast then back upstairs to brush teeth and get ready

Surely the key is finding out why he is screaming.

Seriously? What has happened to parenting. My 1 year old is starting to go up and down the stairs by himself (with me closely following of course).

Toothbrushing should be 10-15 minutes before you eat or drink anything to protect tooth enamel.

I don't think many people are suggesting giving him instant milk at this age. But he's clearly frustrated, and honestly I'm not surprised.

Why is the idea of just taking him downstairs immediately such an odd idea to you? He needs to be learning some things leading to independence at his age, such as managing stairs, watching you prepare his milk/breakfast, etc.

My two still have a cup of milk first thing in the morning and they're both in primary school....

The simplest option does seem to be to change your morning routine somehow. I taught ours to go down the stairs on their bum when they were really small, he should easily be able to climb up at his age though op. I'd be more worried about him climbing out of the cot and falling to be honest

This thread is WILD.

@Toddlerhelpplease123 Your morning routine sounds incredibly peculiar and not at all family centric. You need a complete shift in how your family faces a new day.

It is perfectly normal to wake up, pee, opt to brush teeth before or after and then go downstairs in night clothes to prepare and eat breakfast. Staying upstairs and dressing for breakfast is like something from Downton Abbey. I can understand a person who is going out to work decides to use the loo/shower/dress/breakfast/clean teeth in that order but with children it’s their needs first.

Also, I’d have had zero tolerance for this screaming nonsense. My kids just wouldn’t have done it because their needs were met but also because of firm boundaries (particularly at 3?!) He needs to be taught that it’s not ok. But I’m suspecting a Pavlov’s Dogs conditioned behaviour type scenario whereby he thinks the louder he screams then the quicker his milk will arrive as his milk invariably does come.

I urge you all to get your arses in gear and stop faffing about with drinks upstairs in the morning. And it’s vital that you introduce some jobs for him to involve him in the new routine. I know he is only little at three but if you continue to baby him to this degree then he will invariably act like one.

Aye a cup. Not a bottle first thing.

He was! This is very recent. Must be about a week.

And yes he has water available all the time. I’m saying my partner drinks squash. So I even offered a special sip of that earlier in the week to see if the issue was he was just super thirsty and for some reason wasn’t drinking his water.

Hopefully the milk with breakfast is the answer. But that’s going to take longer than the current milk delivery system. I will update!

Have you actually read the thread? Even just the OP's posts?

I take my 2 year old out of her cot and straight downstairs still in her PJs and sleeping bag then she has breakfast and water and we brush her teeth after that and get her dressed downstairs. She's still in nappies so the only thing I would worry that needs doing in your position right away is to get them to the toilet but as for the rest of it why is it so odd to you to be downstairs in PJs? Brushing teeth is surely better after breakfast not before.

This is mad. Just take him downstairs. Don't be selfish and let him wake the whole street up

Oh thanks - I see what you mean now.