Omg please help!

[Toddlerhelpplease123]

Toddler is nearly 3.

Every morning when he wakes up. We get him out of his cot and he can run around upstairs or come into bed whilst his dad or I get morning drinks (milk/ tea etc.)

For the last couple of weeks he has started screaming in the morning when we go downstairs to get the drinks.

Like full on. Full wake the whole street up screaming non stop.

I honestly dont know what to do.

Obviously I have been being calm and saying whats wrong, etc. Explaining dad always comes back with the drinks. Offering other drinks that are already available in case hes thirsty (water, squash).

We have done ignoring as well. And sternly please stop screaming - because it is literally as loud as he can.

This has been a few weeks now. He’s just been getting worse. And obviously the return of his drinks is the culmination of the event and he just happily drinks his milk so I dont know whether he thinks his screaming is resulting in a positive outcome.

But we cannot have this.

What do people suggest?

I said to DP this morning maybe we need to try no milk. He can have a glass at breakfast but hes not going to die or starve of milk deprivation in the 20/30 minutes it takes everyone to get to breakfast.

Any ideas! Help please

How could you enjoy a drink and breakfast with minty teeth?

I don’t understand why you can’t all go downstairs in your dressing gowns?? Why does everyone need to be dressed and ready for the day in order to go downstairs 🫤

Yes. And OP isn’t adapting.

Fundamentally though, the screaming needs to be stopped without pussyfooting around or changing the routine (though I think it's a bonkers routine).

You need to get on with it. Like a broken record. "No milk if you scream". And the drink bringer makes it clear before they set off that if they hear him screaming they won't bring it. And follow that through. The child is 3, for goodness sake.

True, it's better to brush before, but a lot of people don't know that.

However it's hardly a hardship to take a few minutes to brush his teeth before then taking him downstairs.

As pp have said, at almost three he should be told not to scream, not asked too much what's wrong, what he wants, etc. If he's getting into a habit of screaming hysterically for no good reason then breaking that cycle with a change to his routine is a good idea.

So now you’re focussing on what else you could give him to drink upstairs instead of answer the 5 million people on this thread who suggest you just take him down??

@Toddlerhelpplease123

He's probably frustrated, as we all are, that you haven't come up with the obvious solution that is you all go down stairs for drinks as soon as you get up.

You're making me want to scream tbh.

This is such an odd thread. Your inflexibility in your morning routine is quite frankly odd and not adapted for your child. It's a total luxury to have 2 parents around (for 1 child!) when toddler gets up (my husband is out door at 6.20am). Just go with the flow downstairs taking turns to get ready. What will you do if you have more than 1 child? And why is a 3 year old having milk before eating? Is it in a bottle? Just give them breakfast with a cup of milk alongside!

Agree with others, take him down in PJs and give him breakfast

What I mean is, he needs boundaries. If my child was demanding milk and screaming if it didn't arrive instantly I would think they need to be taught manners. Age 3 they can start understanding how things work and that they even have to say thank you to their mum! It's better for them in the long run as it makes their life easier at nursery. So I might use my "special voice" in those circumstances.

Mumsnet is so fascinating for getting a glimpse on to other peoples lives!
OP do you do this at the weekend too? Even on a school/ work day we get up , downstairs for drinks and breakfast , 15 minutes of tv for DC then back up to wash, change, teeth etc. Then leave the house. We have an hour and 15 minutes between waking and leaving.
Today as it’s Sunday we have got up , had leisurely drinks and breakfast downstairs, cartoons on, I’m mooching about pretending to sort laundry but actually mumsnetting with radio 2 on. No one is dressed yet. We’re going out at 10.30 so will start to get ready soon. Might have another tea in my pjs first though! Nice chilled morning.

Either before or more than half an hour after is the advice. We go for more than half an hour after.

It’s not rocket science, is it 🤦🏼‍♀️

He is screaming because he is frustrated! He has been trying to tell you and you don’t listen - it may be because you don’t understand what he’s saying but that scream is clearly frustration. I assume he’s not generally a screamer?

take him downstairs and have a proper routine for his age. And teach him to use the stairs!!!

@Toddlerhelpplease123 no don't give squash.

What time is all this happening?

He isn’t a toddler, you need to stop calling him this because it’s causing you to have low expectations of him.

Agree. Sadly children are larks.

get up before him
take him in to dad

I think starting a new “right, everyone downstairs” routine and including him in the “making of the drinks” is a great distraction from the screaming and will teach him independence.
One parent can deal with the baby (if there is one, I’m sure I read you have a baby) and the drink-maker can deal with the 3 year old.

To put it into perspective, my daughter (7) started school full-time when she was 4yrs 3months.

Teaching 3 year old small acts of independence now will immensely help him when he starts school x

It’s concerning that he can’t use the stairs properly. You said he has little legs but that shouldn’t stop him as 1 year olds can manage stairs - has he seen an OT?
Taking him downstairs will probably solve the screaming, that’s an easy fix.

I think your morning routine sounds sweet (although I was definitely in the 'take them straight downstairs' camp).

I think you might be able to salvage it if you're prepared to adapt it a bit.

One parent takes DS downstairs to "help make the milk". Either let him drink his milk downstairs and crawl back up the stairs next to the parent with the teas or, if he really can't manage the stairs, take him straight back upstairs with his milk (whilst the tea is brewing) then he drinks his milk with the upstairs parent whilst the downstairs one finishes off making the tea.

If he is thirsty just give him a class of water. Why are you even thinking of giving him squash first thing? Or put a glass of water by his bed (not cot) for him.

Just take him downstairs for breakfast, toddlers don't have a leisurely wake up time drinking in bed like adults might on a weekend or like a baby will. You're either treating him like a baby or expecting him to behave like an adult here, that's why the messages are conflicting.

Adults might sit in bed with a cup of tea, get washed and dressed and then have breakfast. A baby will wake up and cry for milk which they'll have in bed, in their babygro. Toddlers are neither of these! They get up, go downstairs in pyjamas with a grown up and have breakfast.

This is easily solved.
DH takes him downstairs.
You follow behind.

If dressing/teeth brushing is an issue that can easily be done after breakfast or do it downstairs.

In fact, That's exactly what I used to do when my eldest two were small and I lived in a house with stairs.
I would look out their clothes the night before and leave them on a dining chair and had a cup in the kitchen for toothpaste and toothbrushes.

You and DH can take turns nipping back upstairs to get ready.

There was a report the other day that some children are starting school unable to climb stairs properly