Omg please help!

[Toddlerhelpplease123]

Toddler is nearly 3.

Every morning when he wakes up. We get him out of his cot and he can run around upstairs or come into bed whilst his dad or I get morning drinks (milk/ tea etc.)

For the last couple of weeks he has started screaming in the morning when we go downstairs to get the drinks.

Like full on. Full wake the whole street up screaming non stop.

I honestly dont know what to do.

Obviously I have been being calm and saying whats wrong, etc. Explaining dad always comes back with the drinks. Offering other drinks that are already available in case hes thirsty (water, squash).

We have done ignoring as well. And sternly please stop screaming - because it is literally as loud as he can.

This has been a few weeks now. He’s just been getting worse. And obviously the return of his drinks is the culmination of the event and he just happily drinks his milk so I dont know whether he thinks his screaming is resulting in a positive outcome.

But we cannot have this.

What do people suggest?

I said to DP this morning maybe we need to try no milk. He can have a glass at breakfast but hes not going to die or starve of milk deprivation in the 20/30 minutes it takes everyone to get to breakfast.

Any ideas! Help please

It sounds like a tantrum. Sympathies - they can be intense! But a tantrum as I understand them are just kids expressing emotions they don't know how to control. Your DC should be free to express themselves in their own home, so I let my DC scream it out if they need to. If the neighbours hear it, maybe they will come and offer some help!

Could it be a tantrum about not having control over getting the milk themselves rather than the wait time? My oldest is not much older and happily opens the safety gates, goes down independently and gets snacks if needed. OK he is pretty tall and is very safe when allowed this freedom, but it won't be long. You could walk in front of your DC on the stairs to be able to catch them if they fall.

I do try to keep my DC upstairs while I get ready (max 30 mins, no drinks etc) otherwise it will be tricky to get back upstairs, but some days they need breakfast earlier and I have to get ready later or not at all!

We had a large house with multiple floors and the stairs had several turns. I well remember having a birthday party for DS on the top floor (biggest floor space) and DH having to carry one of the kids because he was scared to go up and down on his own.

Sounds like you are babying your preschooler!!

3 year olds should be able to do stairs, don’t need warm milk and should be in beds!!!

Take him down with you? Have flask of milk brought up from the night before (insulated!) - is he waking up really hungry?

Yes 😂😂😂

This is weird. When he wakes, you all go downstairs in your pjs or dressing gowns, have your breakfast, end of issue.
He should also be in a bed at 3.

He can do stairs, it’s beneficial to be in a bed up til three and he wants milk to drink. None of these things are issues.

Of course it’s care-giver perceived – a toddler can’t report their own sleep.

I haven’t read the full thread.

But could you go to get the drinks before you get him out of the cot in the morning?

As it only takes you 2-3 minutes, you could get him up for the day and take him into your room where the drinks would already be waiting?

Yep every single morning without fail I immediately get two (4 and under) children in dressing gowns and we go downstairs to eat breakfast. No cups of tea brought upstairs or anything!!

teeth are brushed before the school run.

At nearly 3 before bed I'd say if you scream no milk. And stick with it. He may scream they first few days but so be it.

Put a kettle up there ( is it baby milk or cow?) and a minifridge upstairs

In our house we all brush teeth before breakfast (grew up doing it that way and it’s better for your teeth) but otherwise I concur with the vast and very normal majority: you all go downstairs in pyjamas and just get on with it. Two minutes tooth brushing, the briefest of wees for the adults and 5yo, nappy change for the toddler, then downstairs with the children looking adorable and rumpled in pyjamas and the adults looking like the love children of Shane McGowan and Robert Smith.

DS, two, will tolerate about 50% of the teeth and wees and nappies shenanigans before kicking off so usually there’s an advance guard and a lot of nipping back up and back and forth, but that gets the steps in; or we take his toothbrush downstairs. All back upstairs after breakfast for getting dressed, sometimes they get dressed downstairs with one of us while the other showers. But in general, there’s a lot of up and down the stairs in a big house. It’s never occurred to me to try to have tea in bed while my children wait nicely. From birth DD used to like to start the day with a 5.30am poonami so we never got into any leisurely habits!

My ds did this and stopped abruptly with calpol. I think it was growing pains, because his teen years have been extremely difficult for growing pains too.

How advanced is your toddler's speech OP? Could you simply communicate some options to them before the screaming starts or before they get out of bed?

E.g 'Mummy/Daddy go downstairs to get milk. Do you want to go or stay here with Mummy/Daddy?'

OP, do you or your husband have autism or do you have suspicions you do?

Just had another thought @Toddlerhelpplease123 - Have you asked your child what they want to do?

with the children looking adorable and rumpled in pyjamas and the adults looking like the love children of Shane McGowan and Robert Smith.

😂😂

Probably a phase. Grit your teeth and get through it 😉

So he wakes up, you get him out of his cot and bring him into your room, then one of you goes downstairs to make the drinks and bring them back up, then you all drink them in your bed? And then what? You each shower and get dressed before you take him down for breakfast? What does he do whilst your getting showered/dressed???

It’s all very strange to me. Your child’s needs have changed, and what worked for you before is no longer working. So whilst drinking coffee in bed for half hour before getting up properly for the day sounds incredible to me, I don’t think your routine is going to work for much longer.

Growth spurt would be my guess

This needs a separate thread, but holy crap, the School Readiness Survey linked earlier is dumbfounding. I'm reading the Key Findings page with my mouth open in shock. If you think that 'less than half (44%) of parents think children should know how to use books' is bad, then how about this one:

(Only!) 'A quarter of parents (26%) think it's completely their responsibility to teach children how to say their name and just under half (48%) of parents think it's completely their responsibility to ensure their children are toilet trained.'

(This is so batshit I keep re-reading it, wondering if I've misunderstood.)

Who the bleep do parents think is going teach their child how to say their name and toilet train them before they start school, magical home-visiting flutters of school readiness fairies?! WTAF?!

Deep breath, next page of the report.

Yes. We have a 2y old who wakes at 6. He comes in bed with us for cuddles until 6.30, as I can't bear to start my day properly at 6. Then at 6.30 we all chuck on a dressing gown, change his nappy, go downstairs together and have breakfast. We then come back up, brush teeth and get ready for day. He gets hangry so couldnt wait for us all to faff about getting ready first. You seem very defensive about your morning drink routine but clearly it is not working if the child is screaming. He wants you all to be together or wants to be downstairs.

For all of those commenting on the cot situation. Everything I've read says to keep them in a cot until they are either climbing out or until at least age 3, as they lack the self regulation to stay in bed before that age and you will end up with more battles. Every sleep consultant I've seen also advises this. A cot at 3 is therefore not unusual, as long as it's still safe. Everyone can approach this differently of course and some never do a cot as such at all (floorbed etc). But there is definitely no consensus outside of mumsnet on bed by 3yo

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5264101-school-readiness-survey-surprising?page=16&reply=141868370

there’s a thread @Stravaig