Omg please help!

[Toddlerhelpplease123]

Toddler is nearly 3.

Every morning when he wakes up. We get him out of his cot and he can run around upstairs or come into bed whilst his dad or I get morning drinks (milk/ tea etc.)

For the last couple of weeks he has started screaming in the morning when we go downstairs to get the drinks.

Like full on. Full wake the whole street up screaming non stop.

I honestly dont know what to do.

Obviously I have been being calm and saying whats wrong, etc. Explaining dad always comes back with the drinks. Offering other drinks that are already available in case hes thirsty (water, squash).

We have done ignoring as well. And sternly please stop screaming - because it is literally as loud as he can.

This has been a few weeks now. He’s just been getting worse. And obviously the return of his drinks is the culmination of the event and he just happily drinks his milk so I dont know whether he thinks his screaming is resulting in a positive outcome.

But we cannot have this.

What do people suggest?

I said to DP this morning maybe we need to try no milk. He can have a glass at breakfast but hes not going to die or starve of milk deprivation in the 20/30 minutes it takes everyone to get to breakfast.

Any ideas! Help please

I don't understand this post really. I have a 3 year old and if he wakes up he either comes in my bed for a bit or we go straight downstairs for breakfast. If I need to go to the toilet I go and he'll either wait or go downstairs and wait for me. We brush our teeth after breakfast and he can most definitely walk down the stairs by himself. Also he's been in a bed since 14 months

OP I agree with your initial assessment - you've accidentally created a scenario whereby when he screams, milk then appears.

If it were my 3yo I would tell him the night before that people who are screaming don't get milk. And I would probably follow it up with "daddy won't come back upstairs with all this screaming going on- it hurts his ears" etc.

In my experience, genuine disregulated meltdowns take a while to calm down from - they don't usually resolve like flicking a switch once the child gets what they want.

Unless your big house is Buckingham Palace and you're expected to be suited and booted, pristine to breakfast... why on Earth would going downstairs for breakfast before getting ready be a problem?

Errrr...yes?

Are people honestly just plucking toddler out of room in dressing gown and going immediately downstairs for breakfast without going to the toilet or brushing teeth or anything

Yes. This is the most normal thing to me, have done it every day for my whole life.

Get up, fluffy socks on, toilet if I need it ,downstairs, radio on, kettle boiling, breakfast made.
Then back upstairs after, to brush teeth,get washed get dressed.
If I bushed my teeth before breakfast, breakfast would taste like toothpaste and teeth would have to be brushed again anyway.

Sometimes yes 😂

So would I. But if it was my child and it was 6am it wouldn't be an unreasonable time to wake up.

OP you are making life very difficult for yourself and allowing yourself to be ruled by a screaming banshee toddler. I think you need to get a grip and stand up to your child or else they are going to continue to walk all over you. Forget flasks and the such, simply say 'we don't scream in this house. If there's something you'd like please ask nicely'. And don't produce milk until the behaviour is something that you're comfortable with.

Also yes plenty of us who work or have other children to get to school do just get up, get a dressing gown on and get going in the morning

she didn't say it was a mumsnet classic, she said it was classic mumsnet. as in not for Classics, but typical idiocy/snark/judgy.

If it’s just started could he be ill? Sore throat/ear infection and drinking helps.

Oh right. Yeah it is I guess.

Phew! Was beginning to wonder if I was doing it wrong 😂😂

He's 3, he's a big boy in his eyes. He's not a baby. He wants to get up out of bed, like other big people do.

He'll be at school in a year or so.

Stop putting yourself first with dressing, breakfast etc and realise that your baby, is not a baby!

I don't understand this.
Surely it makes more sense to all go downstairs, have breakfast then go back upstairs to get dressed. That's what I always did with my children and it's what happens with my grandchildren.
He is frustrated and ready to get up.
I can't believe your house is so big you can't go back upstairs to get ready after breakfast.
Is he particularly small for his age because it's very unusual to still be in a cot at that age and to not be able to manage the stairs.

No harm in trying. It will only be a yes or no.

This is the weirdest thread. Massively dramatic title, and yet the solution is to take the kid downstairs first thing. Bonkers. Did that really not occur? How big is this house?!

Yes 😂 then we have a cup of tea etc and come back up to get ready for the day. I don’t pluck her though, she plucks me out of bed!

Yes. Every morning when I get up to go toilet and make tea downstairs my toddler comes with me. Sometimes she even watches me in the shower and sits in bed with me while I put my make up on. I think it’s very normal for toddlers to not want to be left alone for a short period of time, especially in the morning when they are a bit grumpy!

I'll admit I only scan read the link but as it's only based on care-giver perceived sleep behaviour is it not possible that it's a simple cor-relation between the developmental stages of the children having the sleep issues rather than saying cribs lead to lower sleeping problems?

Personally I can't see why it matters what sort of bed the child is in at any age, when they are too old for a cot you will notive pretty quickly!

Just read that report
Caregivers report better sleeping
Hmmm I suspect what it means is children can't get out of bed !

😬 yes. Am I missing something?

As it currently stands, one of you goes down to make the ‘drinks’ and brings them back up, right?

So why not just take him downstairs to make the ‘drinks’ and bring them back up with him?

Why on earth would you need to wash and dress beforehand?

Your kid has decided to scream while the ‘drinks’ are being made, so include him. Let him go down.

And what sort of stairs do you have that s three year old can’t manage?

Really feels like you’re over complicating things.

It really well within the norm to all go downstairs have breakfast and whatever drinks you like before you go back up and get dressed.

We don’t do that now on weekdays - DS is 10, so we both get dressed in our separate rooms (DD16 leaves earlier and has her own routine but just mentioning there is another DC) and then go downstairs and have breakfast.

We have water bottles in our rooms in case someone is so thirsty they can’t wait to get a drink if that’s the issue.

When he was little and needed milk first thing we did it the other way around I think.

The other option if you really can’t go downstairs before coming up again is to have mini fridge upstairs for his milk so he has it before this seemingly lengthy dressing routine. Or if the issue is that you really can’t do without tea immediately is to get a teasmade. Or else just let him scream I guess!

I think the odd thing here though is “the drinks” being seen as such a prerequisite before going anything else!

Yes quite!

Does he wake up crying or happy?

Instead of getting him out of his cot then going to make the drinks one of you could go and make the drinks as soon as he wakes up then get him out of his cot once the drinks are made. Then the milk will be ready. But I don’t think a 3 year old should be screaming for milk.