Omg please help!

[Toddlerhelpplease123]

Toddler is nearly 3.

Every morning when he wakes up. We get him out of his cot and he can run around upstairs or come into bed whilst his dad or I get morning drinks (milk/ tea etc.)

For the last couple of weeks he has started screaming in the morning when we go downstairs to get the drinks.

Like full on. Full wake the whole street up screaming non stop.

I honestly dont know what to do.

Obviously I have been being calm and saying whats wrong, etc. Explaining dad always comes back with the drinks. Offering other drinks that are already available in case hes thirsty (water, squash).

We have done ignoring as well. And sternly please stop screaming - because it is literally as loud as he can.

This has been a few weeks now. He’s just been getting worse. And obviously the return of his drinks is the culmination of the event and he just happily drinks his milk so I dont know whether he thinks his screaming is resulting in a positive outcome.

But we cannot have this.

What do people suggest?

I said to DP this morning maybe we need to try no milk. He can have a glass at breakfast but hes not going to die or starve of milk deprivation in the 20/30 minutes it takes everyone to get to breakfast.

Any ideas! Help please

Jeez you're getting a lot of aggro!! Personally, your morning routine sounds like a dream. Hot drinks in bed and leisurely chat about the day... ? I'd be doing all I could to keep that as long as possible ! (I have a 3yo and 1yo, who instantly demand to go downstairs and watch TV 🙄) ...having said that, I think you might be giving the tantrum too much attention. I would probably just say "daddy's getting your milk, let's wait here" or "daddy's getting your milk, shall we go down and join him?" Whatever is best for you. And other than that continue doing what you're doing eg carry on reading their story as if they weren't having a tantrum, etc. It sounds like it's just the start of toddler tantrums, and I've found the best way is to give love but not indulge... and all the stairs stuff is crazy! When mine was just 3 he wasn't climbing the stairs alone (he's short too!) He was able, but it's not worth the risk? Sorry you're getting all this heat OP, sounds like you're doing a great job ! I'd just worry a little less about tantrums, they can be extremely OTT but they do pass.

Also the number one thing you should do is teach him how to go down the stairs safely.

Show him this over and over again every day, because one day you will be somewhere and see him swaying at the top of a stairs after escaping away from you, and you will be glad you have taught him to turn around and come down safety.

@Toddlerhelpplease123 Even if you have a ''large house'' - stairs are stairs in every sized house {Unless a bungalow} -Teach your son to navigate stairs safely, or use a stair gate.

Keeping him trapped in a baby bed {Cot} is probably a reason that he's screaming.
It's surprising that he hasn't learned to vault over the side at his age.

It's like he's being kept like a baby - cot and milk.

How about at wake-up time, one of you goes immediately downstairs for milk and the other gets him from the cot and plays with him? I think he senses potential abandonment from the person who gets him from the cot and then goes away.

Except for our first morning cuppa and to feed the cats, we get dressed before going downstairs for breakfast too. I can't stand all this lounging about in jamas and dressing gowns. Even when I had days old babies I got dressed first thing.

Firstly, babies are babies, of course a baby can cope more easily with this than a 3yo - 3yos have a developing sense of self and agency.

I think he might be screaming because your routine is too rigid and uncompromising.

Pretty much every response has been 'take him downstairs'. He wants to go downstairs, there is no good reason not to.

A regular tantrum that wakes the neighbours is not acceptable and shouldn't just be tolerated. It needs dealing with, which the OP is going to do.

If someone else’s child was screaming through the walls at 6am, I’d be pretty fucked off.

Yes it's weird. He's quite plainly hungry - I can see that he really doesn't want to sit on a bed having a conversation about his day. He just wants to eat! I only started being able to have coffee in my room when my kids were much much older. You just scoop them up and take them downstairs and then after that go back upstairs to dress, do teeth etc.

I would say that at nearly 3, he probably shouldn't be given milk before food in the morning, but alongside it.

What do you mean? Use a book means use a book not READ a book. My 1 year old can use a book correctly turning the pages and looking at the pictures. There's children apparently starting school attempting to "swipe" books!!
Edit: I meant pointing at the pictures not looking

Why don’t you leave a cup of milk by his cot overnight? It won’t go off and then it’s there as soon as he wakes up

Derailing the thread but about your comment about milk alongside breakfast. Is that needed? My 1 year old doesn’t! She just has milk and bedtime but she does have milk inside her cereal. Is that ok?

My son who is a similar age has started doing this. I have to carry him around on my hip while I make their breakfasts. It’s a nightmare but he won’t be put down.

@Wavescrashingonthebeach I missed a "not" which I massively regret because I've been tagged 5 million times, I'm shocked 56% of parents don't think their child should be able to use a book by the time they go to school.

So sorry im still trying to catch up on the thread, I keep losing my place 😂

I think the problem is you are expecting him to decide for himself what he's doing in that 5 minutes and what he wants to be doing is drinking milk and he can't. I think he needs more structure so that he knows he is doing thing X (that takes 5 minutes) and then there will be milk. Eg having a special story book with whichever parent isn't getting the drinks. A 3 yo can usually happily entertain themselves for 5 minutes if not hungry or thirsty but the mental gymnastics to know that milk is soon but not yet and to get on with doing something else is clearly too much for this particular 3yo to do without support.

If you can bear it, moving to this structure gradually over a few days would require the wait to be only 1 minute at first (so you buy some ready made iced coffee for the transitional period) then gradually stretch it out to 5 minutes once he can cope with 1/2/3/4 minutes without getting upset.

There is more chance of pigs flying than my 3 year old sitting on my bed nicely while I drink a cup of tea first thing in the morning! This can't be real, surely you don't need a mumsnet thread to tell you to just go downstairs instead?!

Derailing the thread but about your comment about milk alongside breakfast. Is that needed? My 1 year old doesn’t! She just has milk and bedtime but she does have milk inside her cereal. Is that ok?

I don’t think there’s a right or wrong here . Some kids would have a cup of milk then be too full to eat breakfast. Some have bigger appetites and a cup of milk with breakfast wouldnt stop them eating their cereal, or whatever they usually have. I know with mine a cup of milk before breakfast would equal no food as they would drink the milk first then have no room for breakfast.

@Wavescrashingonthebeach it could be a sign I wasn't ready for school 🙈

Exactly. When my 1 year old wakes me at 5am if needs be I carry him to the toilet so I can have a wee. Then carry him downstairs plop him on the couch and make my drinks for the day. He can come back up the stairs by himself. My 3 year old is in a proper bed, and has free rein of the house.
Op i think it may have been easier if you'd have said " 2 year old" instead of "nearly 3" as everyone, including myself has now subbed this to 3 in their mind. When do they turn 3? Apologies if I've missed it i have read op updates but my own kids causing havoc right now haha and the thread is going so fast.
Also, as pp have said it may be worth speaking to your health visitor to get an objective view on whether or not there are any developmental delays or not.

Honestly I mis-read and mis-type all the time on here because I'm usually pinging off quick responses whilst stopping my own kids from causing too much chaos 😂

I would firmly tell him to stop screaming and that if he doesn't he will not be getting the milk at all. He's old enough to understand that and maybe one or two mornings not getting any milk will be enough to teach him that screaming like that gets him absolutely nowhere.

Thank you for this. Yes my kids are the same! If they had milk before breakfast they’d be too full. Thank you and now the thread can go back to normal 😂

This thread is absolutely bizarre.

Just all wake up, have your good morning moments in bed then all go downstairs and have breakfast and milk together.

You seem to pander to him a lot. "He doesn't want to go downstairs he wants milk".

Who cares. Don't let him dictate your routine. Show him this is what we do. We all go down and have breakfast together. In PJs and teeth unbrushed like the average person.

Honestly who TF is brushing their teeth before breakfast? Cereal and coffee and orange juice with mint? No thanks. People won't appreciate those breakfast smells in the morning on your breath in public. Clean your teeth after you've eaten and before you leave the house.

You can all get washed and dressed after breakfast. Or you'll be changing them frequently when they spill their breakfast or toothpaste down them.

Drinks are delivered in less than 5 minutes. More like 3

If you can get to the kitchen, prepare hot drinks, and get back upstairs in 3 minutes then - without meaning to sound argumentative - you don't have a house so large that it can't be navigated with a 3yo in the morning.

Anyway, I agree with most other posters - try taking him downstairs with you. He sounds frustrated and being part of the process would probably help.

Its typical for a child to move out of the cot from 18 months to 3 years. So 3 is normal. There is no specific benefits to keeping them out of the cot just like there is no specific benefits to getting them out of the cot. Obviously if a child can climb out of the cot they would need to be moved out for safety. But if they can't there is no actual benefit to them being out of the cot until they develop impulse control.