Omg please help!

[Toddlerhelpplease123]

Toddler is nearly 3.

Every morning when he wakes up. We get him out of his cot and he can run around upstairs or come into bed whilst his dad or I get morning drinks (milk/ tea etc.)

For the last couple of weeks he has started screaming in the morning when we go downstairs to get the drinks.

Like full on. Full wake the whole street up screaming non stop.

I honestly dont know what to do.

Obviously I have been being calm and saying whats wrong, etc. Explaining dad always comes back with the drinks. Offering other drinks that are already available in case hes thirsty (water, squash).

We have done ignoring as well. And sternly please stop screaming - because it is literally as loud as he can.

This has been a few weeks now. He’s just been getting worse. And obviously the return of his drinks is the culmination of the event and he just happily drinks his milk so I dont know whether he thinks his screaming is resulting in a positive outcome.

But we cannot have this.

What do people suggest?

I said to DP this morning maybe we need to try no milk. He can have a glass at breakfast but hes not going to die or starve of milk deprivation in the 20/30 minutes it takes everyone to get to breakfast.

Any ideas! Help please

Yes I do this

I don’t agree this is bad behaviour. It sounds like he is communicating. Maybe he has communicated this before but it hasn’t been recognised. I don’t mean that unkindly, sometimes toddlers communicate in bizarre ways. But OP has said that she knows what he wants yet hasn’t taken any steps to address the issue yet - she has said in this thread that she will, so maybe if he eats fairly quickly then the problem will be solved.

Small children don’t handle being hungry well though, it turns into hanger quite quickly. Hopefully with a few adjustments to their routine the issue will be solved and her son will, I imagine, change his routine again soon enough as their fickle minds do.

Go straight downstairs with him and get him his drink. Let him drink it downstairs while you get your drinks ready

@Toddlerhelpplease123 - why not take the milk upstairs in a flask, at bedtime, so it is there when you get up?

You are speaking to her really derogatory and you know you are.

No, I just think you're bored and trying to pick a fight.

It’s beneficial for children to sleep in a cot up to age three, barring a safety issue.

‘Crushing your child’s independence’ is unnecessarily dramatic.

Nope. I just take issue with people treating people badly. That’s just me I guess.

Saying you find a situation "bizarre" is not treating someone badly.

You're the one who's chosen to respond to multiple posters and criticise them for their comments - that doesn't seem very kind to me...

Yes that’s exactly what we do. One things I say with confidence is that a routine doesn’t stay the same for long with toddlers! We think we’ve nailed it and then boom
they changed their needs/demands.

I actually get up first, prepare breakfast then back upstairs to shower before children get up. They want their bowl of fruit instantly so troop downstairs in PJs and eat that. But this isn’t the same routine we had 6 months ago, we reassess fairly frequently what we need to do to keep the ship running and stay somewhat sane.

@Toddlerhelpplease123

Have you tried taking him downstairs straightway on waking and then not giving him his milk/porridge/toast immediately?

To try to discover if the tantrum is because he is hungry or because he's bored with bring upstairs for the previous 12 hours

It’s derogatory and it’s obvious. And I’m responding to anyone else who is derogatory. No I’m not going to respond ‘in kindness’ when they haven’t bothered in the first instance.

I don’t get why it’s so hard to take him down with you?

He’s just learning that if you leave. You leave and that’s causing him distressed. It makes no difference to take him down with you and then back up.

You have a very, very loose definition of the word "derogatory" if you really think calling a situation bizarre is offensive and rude.

I assume it makes you feel better to pick at people though, so you crack on.

I’m jealous of this! I want to be the person who gets up early and has quiet time before being attacked by small children, but I’m not sleeping well and need those few extra chunks in the morning currrntly. I used to be an early riser to go for walks and stuff. I look forward to those calm moments of early morning peace getting things organised again one day!

My children were potty trained by 3 , it would have stopped them getting up to the loo.
So I keep them in a cot in pull ups instead?

No plus even on the bottom rung mine were tall enough to climb out which is more dangerous.
At 3 a small child is desperate to do things not have them done for them, they can't always express this though.
I think it's a result of Covid but also larger age gaps that children aren't learning independence appropriately as they used to.

Plus the HV/Mil/ everyone can fuck off type attitudes which seem prevalent.

He’s hungry / thirsty and wants his milk, so throws a paddy. He’s 3 - it’s fine.

If he’s generally well behaved I’d just buy a thermos / mini fridge and have it there ready for him when he wakes. My mum used to do this and it was lovely to get a drink straight from waking.

Why are you getting dressed before going into your own kitchen? It's not a hotel!

I have no idea why it would be beneficial to keep children in a cot until they're 3. Mine outgrew cots when they were 2 and could climb over the sides before then.

It’s only been a week but my worry would be if you don’t change the routine that was working but now isn’t, it’ll become a ‘thing’ that is then harder to stop.

Break the last weeks screech-fest by one or both of you getting up with him, go to loo, wash hands then downstairs for breakfast with accompanying cup of milk.

He should be able to get downstairs slowly. I used to bump down some on my bum as I was (still am) very small. He is getting towards the age where kids start nursery, if they’re not going already, so going downstairs for breakfast is a good step away from an upstairs early morning bottle/cup of milk, to a more ‘grown up’ start to the day. To those saying a 6am start is unacceptable, for many many families it might not be fun, but it’s very usual.

Not much advice but solidarity on the stairs thing. People don’t get it but it’s not about age, it’s about size! My three year old has only just grown out of 1.5-2 trousers, despite being age 4 in T-shirts. They’re not showing any developmental issues at all with the exception of stairs, they’re still not steady enough I’d leave them to it. We have deep stairs and with their tiny legs there’s not a lot that can be done. And at 3 they don’t want to crawl like babies so it’s a lot of wobbling!

Why don't you just take him downstairs with you?

Yes???!!!

Don’t you have a downstairs toilet? Let him do all the stuff downstairs.

Yes